I am tired of this disgusting gross person (I used to think he loved me duh-he was so gross)
hanging around my neck like a millstone
my father's filth and antipathy and in general just being an awful person and he will prob die soon
I resent she doesn't know what is going on. I want her to know.
She won't care but I still want to send her a email with plain facts
It’s the way it is . The current mantra is so long as the elder understands the risks and potential consequences, they can live as they choose. Additionally , I’ve personally seen in my own family the last few years , where the elder was given credit for more understanding than they really possessed .
When in doubt the benefit of the doubt is given to the elder by officials , doctors , etc . rather than keeping them safe .
I had a friend who has challenges. His Mom was removed by APS but not him. He weighted over 400lbs at the time. APS was called everyday by neighbors and they said nothing they could do. I called a Social Worker friend who at one time had helped this family. She called the health department because he was living in an unhealthy environment.
Tell your sister if it helps you release the burden. But then vow to be done with her too, for your own wellbeing. That's what matters now. And knowing you tried your best. Sometimes caring is not enough. A person has to WANT our help in order for us to be successful in giving it.
That being said, how and when APS finally intervenes seemingly varies greatly from county to county,
My mother in law hastened her own death 4 months ago by remaining in her home without help too long . Nothing we could do about it.
I understand it’s sickening ( turns your stomach ) to see anyone living like this . But he’s cognizant. Don’t visit him .
I called APS and they said as long as he is cognizant they can't do anything and they would need his permission to go in the house which he won't give. I tried calling them back a few times but they never returned my calls
p.s. in this state they cannot take over
The police said the only thing we can do is have the fire department to remove him but his situation isn't bad enough yet, I can't see how much worse it can get
I may call the health department but I this point I wash my hands of this nightmare
2. Send sister a note explaining what dad has become.
3. Take a long vacation to visit someone you like, and let sis and dad's messages go directly to voicemail.
Easy-peasy.
5). See a therapist.
Given Sis is the POA and lives miles away, and Dad is competent enough he doesn't have to listen to you, and chooses to live in his own waste, you can certainly notify the local Health authority. But that's about the limit of all you can do.
I have suggested before I know, that you move far away from this situation in which you are powerless, if you cannot learn to accept that you cannot do anything about it. I really have no other answer. You have our sympathy.
This is your 12th post on this issue.
Please see a therapist.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/what-if-anything-should-i-do-496538.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/father-already-fell-twice-what-do-we-do-next-494238.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/managing-the-relationship-with-my-unhelpful-sister-494221.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/going-no-contact-494220.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/well-he-is-in-the-hospital-494082.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/i-have-posted-before-but-494066.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/i-am-distancing-but-it-feels-weird-494038.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/venting-493579.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/should-i-be-donewalk-away-493513.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/father-i-want-to-go-no-contact-492963.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/last-straw-i-hope-they-respected-his-request-494499.htm
I don't know why I can't let this go, which a good reason to see someone.
he is my father and I still can't believe this is happening it turns my stomach