If someone was POA for a parent who died, how much control do they have over the funeral plans?
My sister is POA for mom. She is also the Executor of the will and the trustee successor. (Long story about she got all those appointments.) My question is, once mom dies, who much control does she have over the funeral plans?
My mom and dad had pre-paid for a funeral home, a cremation, each had picked out an urn, and selected the cemetery. I have their paid receipts. I know when someone dies, the POA ends. The last copy of any estate plan and Will I saw did NOT include any of the funeral details. So, how much influence would my sister have in arranging any plans of her own for mom that would deviate from what is in the documented plans mom made five years ago?
When my dad died, my sister refused to follow dad's documented plans and her husband (my BIL) kept telling the staff at the funeral home that my sister was POA and they would not even talk to me. It was extremely difficult and draining to try to fulfill my parents documented wishes when nobody would listen to me. Thanks.
Either way, can you get together with your mother and sister to discuss what your mother's wishes currently are? If there are other siblings, it would help if any of them could be there too.
What reasons, if any, did your sister have for changing the plans?
I'm sorry this caused extra distress at the time of your father's passing.
It really does not matter who makes the decisions, as long as the Funeral homebis guarenteed their money.
So this is my real answer: maybe when your mom passes your sister will have grown, maybe she will rise to the occasion. If so, wonderful. But maybe not, and this will be the last opportunity to really cause mayhem. After this, with no parents left, it just isn't the same. So let her do whatever she likes, but you be the grown up. Do not let some event become the catalyst for not speaking for the next 20 years. Funerals and wills are mine traps. They are family destroyers. Everyone's worst, most primitive instincts and rivalries come bubbling straight to the surface.
Your mom is still alive and you are already caught up in this. Your mom saw what happened at your dad's funeral. Your mom has made her decisions. My advice is to preserve your own peace of mind, and just step away.
The one and only thing my sister did according to our parent's documented funeral plan was to bury dad in the cemetery he chose. It was a huge relief to me that at least she did that right.
Everything else she just did not follow through on. She did not have a church service for dad. She did not have a visitation at the funeral home. She did not have him cremated even though I got mom's signature approving it and had it notarized and gave it to the funeral home manager.
My sister's reasons at the time were that all our parent's friends have mostly already passed away and nobody would attend any service. Her husband was arguing that our dad told him at the last minute he did not want to be cremated although he has no proof of it. I just did not believe dad changed his mind because dad told me about his wishes for the last 10 years and even up to one month before he passed. I did not know I needed to record the conversation with him as evidence since we had all the pre-paid plans documented.
The motivation I believe was to create chaos and division - which it did - and in so doing, my sister and her husband could gain control. It is an unbelievable rationale, but if you have dysregulated people in your family who are motivated to exploit then you would understand.
If she is the legitmately named Executor, and there was a Will stating the funeral plans, she must follow the plans expressed by your Mom in the Will.
If there's no Will, the Executor usually consults with family to manage the final arrangements. Other factors, like how much money is left, will impact plans. But, the Executor is not obligated to work with others on making plans.
Your profile says your Mom has ALZ. Even if you videoed her wishes, the fact that she has a medical diagnosis of impairment may not help the cause. The video would mean nothing to a family member, only to a court.
A future strategy may be:
Executor is challenged (“contested appointment”)
An interested party (beneficiary, heir, creditor) may apply and object to the named Executor by alleging:
- Breach of fiduciary duty
- Serious conflict of interest
- Incompetence
- Abuse, fraud, or dishonesty
>> The court decides who is best suited to serve.
Start documenting the events surrounding your Dad's arrangements, with the paperwork your sister ignored. You may wish to consult with an elder law attorney, but that will probs cost money. Please count the cost of this power struggle.
Also, we are only getting your side of the story. Arranging a funeral is a lot of work and money. But it costs more to bury than to cremate. The details you provide make no sense. Is it a religious issue? I can't think of any other reason for spending more on a casket burial.