I just get very depressed sometimes. I guess it's because I'm so much younger than he is and I've already spent 18 years taking care of him. I just feel like my life is passing me by. I'm very lonely. I don't have any family and it's just me and him. I have no kids. No family. Just me and him. Don't trust people so I don't talk to anyone.
Why not take up a hobby that involves others? That's a surefire way to meet other people and even if you are not very trusting, it won't really matter. You'll still have human connection with other people but you don't have to get too deep if you don't want to. Lots of people birdwatch and there's some info out there suggesting that it might help stave off dementia. I can't say that is true but why not give it a whirl? There is a birdwatching app that people use called Merlin, and it pretty much shows you all the birds in your area. You can get as involved with others as you want. Some people go on trips to do this. Other people just do it alone, or with a few community members. You can do it anywhere. It's just an example of something that you don't need any special skills to start. Maybe an art class? Community theater? You don't have to act, they always need other kinds of help. Tai chi in the park? A walking group?
The longer you isolate, the harder it will be to get out into the world.
Does you husband have children from previous relationship or marriage(s)? If so they might also have a claim to any inheritance.
You are wasting your life, having married such an older man and allowing yourself to stay afraid of people all this time! The only person who can change your life is YOU. If you are depressed, go see the doctor. If you are afraid and distrustful of people, see a therapist or a psychiatrist. Humans are herd animals. We need others for companionship and joy. Covid taught us that BIG time, that staying holed up inside the house made us turn to booze, food and other self destructive behavior.
Address your issues in the ways they need to be addressed, including hiring in home help for your husband. Create the type of life you want for yourself one step at a time.
Good luck to you.
Your husband is more of a father figure, keeping you safe because you don’t trust anyone. You’re the mother figure, taking care of him.
You’ve lost most of your 30s and all of your 40s to be his caregiver. Has it really been worth it? What will you do when he passes away and you still have 20+ years left?
Only YOU can make your life the way you'd like it to be even with having to care for your husband, but you first need to get some therapy and perhaps even go on an antidepressant, so you can move forward in a more healthy way.
You don't share what your husbands health issues are and why he's requiring care, but surely you can get out of the house for short periods to do things you enjoy. Even if it's just to talk a nice walk through your neighborhood and enjoy the beautiful spring weather.
And since you're so young, why not get at least a part-time job that will get you out of the house and around other people. You just never know where that may lead in helping your mental health, plus you may actually meet some new friends there.
Church is also a great place to meet new people, and will lift your spirits just being in the house of the Lord.
Again...only you can make the necessary changes to have the life you desire, so I hope and pray that you're brave enough to take the needed steps.
God bless you.
Why don't you trust people? That seems to be a major issue, regardless of your age difference. As Geaton said, please look into counseling and maybe anti-depressants. It's a sad and isolating way to go through life. You deserve better, no matter what your situation. Have you always felt this way, or just in recent years?
What kind of activities did you and your husband like to do, either together or separately, when you first got together? Do you have friends from back then that you could re-establish relationships with?
What do you expect when this is your social outlook? Maybe see a therapist before it's too late for you. And maybe some meds for your depression would help. Depression is common but not normal or healthy.
When a person marries someone significantly older than themselves they can never imagine what it will be like in the future -- especially if their spouse has health issues. My cousin married a man 20 years younger than herself. Guess what? She was diagnosed with ALZ at 68. She's been bedbound and in hospice for the past several years and he's not really her husband but her caregiver.
I wish you wisdom to get help for yourself and peace in your heart going forward.