I was wondering if anyone has any tips on how to get her off of a subject.
She has Parkinson's, dementia and paranoid schizophrenia. And she's a very nice lady. She's in assisted living, and I am here daily on top of it. Over the past 9 months I have learned her quirks and I understand what she's talking about when she forgets her words. Her son is in charge of all her finances.
But sometimes she gets on these tangents where she needs to call her investor, the bank, etc. She gets highly agitated. I try my best to deflect on another topic, but even with all her conditions she is still very sharp and she'll come back to it. I also try to explain that her son handles all of it that and that she doesn't need to worry. But she'll find another angle in a split second.
There's nothing I can say/do... what usually happens is that she just wears herself out talking about it and fall asleep.
There has to be something I can say to her. A perfect deflection?? It is stressful when she's like that. I am grateful to work for her, but I work 6 days a week, 8 hours and have only taken one day off. I think I'm getting caregiver burnout.
Get her to explain as well as she can to the point that she feels like you understand her wishes if possible. John doesn't need to act on her instructions.
Then, if she still persists, tell her that the two of you have told John and he is taking care of it, and re-direct.
A lot of times, people just want to feel relevant. They want to know that their wishes are understood, and that they have some say in their lives.
If she is aware that her son takes care of her finances maybe ask her if you can write down the questions she has so that next time her son visits the list of questions will be there. He can answer the questions so next time she asks a question you can refer to the notes and give her an answer.
Other than that doing as you are doing and deflecting, redirecting is the best option.
Maybe getting her to "go for a walk" to the café or some other spot might take her mind off the subject.
And it is possible that you are getting burned out. Caregivers ALL need a break.
Are you a private hire? If so do you have a friend that can work 1 day a week for you? Obviously you would have to clear this with the son and allow him to do the background checks that need to be done.
If you are with an agency talk to your manager and see if there is someone that can do a day for you.
I've been in homecare a long time and have had more clients with dementia then I can remember. Many of them were like yours. They would get fixated on a subject then in a dementia loop and even if they were distracted momentarily would come right back to it.
What I would do is tell them a few times that I couldn't help them with whatever the topic of the loop was, then would totally ignore any and all mention of it.
If the client would start up with it again, I would say nothing as if I didn't hear them. Or I would every now and them tell them with kindness, that we've already talked about it and I am not talking about it again. Or I would say that I've already answered that question and am not answering it again. Don't acknowledge anything associated with the topic of the dementia loop. Don't ignore the person. Ignore the dementia loop and it will stop. Let her wear herself out talking about it and fall asleep. I don't think this will happen though. More likely she will drop the subject if your ignore it because she's getting no attention from you on it.
I learned a long time ago not to validate any talk that's the topic of a dementia loop. That only feeds it and keeps it going longer. You have to learn to ignore with kindness otherwise you won't last long in this line of work.
Also, the six days a week eight hours a day has to stop. That is way too much time for anyone to have to be with a demented elder. Even if you are young, you will burn out. Cut your hours with her down. Make them up with a different kind of client who doesn't have dementia and who isn't elderly.
As Lealonie1 said, adjust to your lady's obsession as much as you can. My darling husband gets like that and I hand him copies of old bank statements, they are no longer relevant if they get misplaced. He "looks them over" pronounces them "good" and we move on. Often he drags them out of his hiding place and demands a new one, which I have ready in my office, newly copied prints of the same thing, that "just came in the mail"! Take the easy way out if you can, we all have to learn "the hill to die on" which translates to which demand do we hold the line on and which ones aren't worth the fight!
Stay stong in yourself, and be brave, God bless you! And get another day or so off! Some of us can't and if you can, we're all cheering for you!
I’m desperate to find something that works, too! 🤣
6 days a week is too much. Perhaps you could negotiate for both weekend days off.
YOU matter, too!
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