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I'm having problems with the care facility that I have for my mom and I initially wanted to interview the caregivers, as this is our first experience. My mom is 91 and lived alone — she needs 24/7 care and there are at least 6 care givers and it's overwhelming. Reason 2, the caregivers were fighting and yelling. What can I do to get this back into a calm atmosphere for my mom?

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If there are 2 caregivers arguing in a common area of the facility you are well within your right to either talk to the person in charge or even go to the administration office. If the person in charge of the floor area hears the argument and does not step in that also would be a concern of mine.
I do not think any facility would let you "interview" caregivers.
You can talk to the caregivers. but do so in a conversational manner.
When you enter the facility greet EACH person you see. Wish them a good morning or afternoon. When you leave say good bye. this includes the facility staff cleaning a window, the van driver, the kitchen staff taking a try down the hall. Trust me they will get to know you.
Greet the CNA's and other staff that have direct contact with mom. Thank them for what they are doing. Don't try to help them. (can be a safety issue for them, for mom and for you)
Every once in a while bring a basket of fruit or some cookies. Be sure to "spread the kindness" with other shifts as well.
Nothing will be "perfect" there will always be some problem.
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You need to go directly to the administration; call and make an appointment today.
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Tell the administration that caregivers are quarreling. They need to handle that.

Then become friendly with her caregivers because they are your mom's team. If they like you, they'll be helpful to you and good to mom. Thank them often. Let them know they are appreciated. Their job isn't easy.

Good luck!
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KellyGirl71 Jul 20, 2025
How will you know if they do not like her? How would she know if that was the case? Do you think family may need to buy their respect with the CNA's with gifts, food, etc...?
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What kind of care facility is Mom in? Assisted living, Memory Care or Longterm care?

In a facility you do not get to interview the aides. They are are assigned a resident by the RN who is their boss. Why are these aides arguing? You go to the RN in charge, you tell her that the aides are upsetting the residents with their arguing. This is really unprofessional. If the RN doesn't resolve the problem, then you talk to the director/administrator.
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Is this mom saying that or were you present? If I were there,I'd politely walk up and ask if they could take it elsewhere and glance at the residents. Just asking if it was mom because sometimes they can't distinguish that it's the TV. Yes,ask who's in charge and always be polite. Staff suffers from burnout, too. If this is the case,administration needs to get them replaced.
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cover9339 Jul 20, 2025
Having been in a facility, there was arguments among some of the aides, especially the night ones. My roommate even got into it with the night nurse because she "harshly" told him he couldn't go behind the desk to get ice for ice water, when the other nurses did not mind.

So there may be some truth to what mom said.
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You have no authority to do so. I suggest you begin a search for a new place.
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Michael2 Jul 20, 2025
Please elaborate.
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The care facility , and care givers are being paid by You, be it insurance, or out of pocket. There is a lot of stress , especially with older adults, & if the staff has problems , it should be resolved in an office or outside, not in the hallways. You should bring this to the attention of the facility Administrator. Most places are good, staff friendly and helpful, but there's always a disrupter, including the patient, who is too demanding or often ignored. My wife who recently passed , was in a respite facility ,for 3 days. She was ignored , when her concentrator stopped working, after repeated tries to get the attention of the desk, who should of heard the alarm on the machine, didn't respond for an hour she called 911, that got their attention, when the sheriff's showed up, & her oxygen restored. My point, the quality of help these days, anywhere is less than Ideal ,so our connection with anyone should be happy and kind, & hope for the best , fingers crossed, LOL , good luck , God Bless You !!!
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If your mom is telling you all of these things, chances are she is delusional. My mom almost had me believing she was beat up or she was being forced to walk and she was immobile. My mom claimed the workers were always yelling and that the nurses wanted to get rid of her and they yell at her. My mom lied and she was paranoid. Lexapro calmed my mom down after a few weeks.
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If you haven’t seen any of this yourself, you have to assume your mother is an unreliable narrator.
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cover9339 Jul 20, 2025
In the facility there actually was a few arguments among the aides, with the majority of them being the night crew.

Mom may be right about the situation in the facility she is in.
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When my wife was in the care facility after she fell, I was fed a lot of misinformation by the facility. You have the right to move her at any time so if you don’t like to care do it now find a new place or bring her home.
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Jzurilgen: Speak to the DON.
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Visit with your Mom a few times at the facility for 1-2 hours at different times of the day/early evening. If during that time, you do not hear or witness fighting and yelling amongst the caregivers, it could be the other residents yelling (which they frequently do) or talking loudly (which the hearing impaired automatically do.)

If you are bored, it is easy to hear anything. If you are elderly, it is easy to not understand or comprehend the "noise."

If it really is the caregivers, talk to the head nurse to understand what is going on. Facilities generally do not have caregivers that exhibit behaviors that would be upsetting or threatening to their residents.

Depending upon what she is hearing, you might need to move her so that she has an environment that is less stressful.
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Caregivers should not be airing their grievances in front of clients. Please address your concerns to the administration. If it is only 2 individuals, the administration should find ways to keep them separate.
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It's for the staff supervisor to handle such a situation. So go and see this person.

Facility staff fighting out in the open and yelling at each other is unacceptable and unprofessional. If they have problems with each other, they need to go to their supervisor and let them handle it.

I was a staff supervisor at a nice AL facility years ago. Of course there will be petty squabbles and personality conflicts among the staff, but the staff that was under me knew better than to bring it on the floor in front of residents or anyone else. The supevisor needs to handle these fighting aides. You stay away from those aides and don't even talk to them. Make the supervisor handle it. If the supervisor doesn't handle it go to the Office of the Ombudsman in your state and file a formal complaint.

Years ago I remember one petty squabble between two of my aides. One was a brown-noser, a snitch, and a trouble-maker who thought that instigating, kissing up and tattling about her co-worker would score her points with me. It did not. She'd come into the office and complain that 'X' was hiding in residents' rooms because she was lazy and didn't want to do any work. This wasn't exactly true. On slow days this aide would often visit certain residents in their rooms who didn't get visitors or who were a little shy and didn't like to join in the entertainments. I knew she did this and was fine with it. Some nosy residents complained some about her spending more time with certain people but were promptly told by me to mind their own damn business.

Let the supervisor handle the aide staff. Also, your mother isn't going to get the same aide at the same time every day. It may seem overwhelming to her, but the facility is not going to do this. If she's getting too overwhelmed you may want to discuss medication that can keep her calm.
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Ask for your state ombudsman to attend a care planning meeting. That is what finally got the attention of mgt at my husband's facility. I am more stressed that my husband is in a memory facility. There are few meaningful activities - all they do is bat a balloon around. They all get the same food even if if your loved one won't eat a certain food and the kitchen has no adaptability. The place looks great, but I have been disappointed
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