In a few days, I'm moving my wife, who has late stage Alzheimer's, to a memory care unit of a nursing home. Any suggestions?

Question

In a few days, I'm moving my wife, who has late stage Alzheimer's, to a memory care unit of a nursing home. Any suggestions?

Follow

Share

Her vision is very poor, as is her speech and while not bedridden, needs help to get around in a wheelchair. She doesn't really know me, our kids, or even her siblings - largely unaware of her surroundings. My question: What, if anything, should I say to her prior to the move to the nursing home? I seriousoly doubt she will even be aware that she has moved to a new "home". (she didn't even realize when we moved her from our bed to a hospital bed about a week ago, nor when she stopped using stairs.)

Thanks

Alzheimer's & Dementia Memory Care Moving

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

16 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First

Gcg, good to see you again!

This is a tough one; it sounds like your wife's comprehension of what is going on is quite impaired.

How will she be transported to the facility? Is she used to be driven places, or will that be an anxiety provoking thing?

I would consult with her doctor about giving a mild sedative or anti-anxiety med before this move.

Helpful Answer (5)

Report

Hi BarbBrooklyn - thank you for your thoughtful and helpful response. I doubt my wife will have any idea that this move is actually happening. My initial thought is to just tell her that we're meeting some new friends. I do plan to spend the first few nights with her. She is already taking Ativan for anxiety so the last thing I want to do is create any unnecessary anxiety. Hospice is arranging transport - it will be a medical transport of some kind. I will give her a dose of ativan before we actually transport her. Thanks again

(11)

Report

See 1 more reply

Just read your profile that states that your wife is only 64 years old. She’s young. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.

I am sure that you want everything to go as smoothly as possible.

You know that you are showing her the ultimate form of love by allowing her to be cared for by experienced professionals.

Your wise actions already convey your story and words aren’t always necessary. I think a simple, “I love you.” would be enough to say.

Wishing you peace as you take this next step in your caregiving journey.

Helpful Answer (10)

Report

Tell her everything loving thing you'd tell her if she knew what was going on. Some of it may penetrate, and she'll know she's loved regardless of how ill she is.

Helpful Answer (16)

Report

This.

(3)

Report

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, both of you. In a different experience with a relative, we found it most helpful to smile and essentially fake a positive, upbeat attitude through a similar move. The positivity sort of rubbed off and calmed any anxiety. Your wife is blessed to have you as her advocate in this life

Helpful Answer (9)

Report

My mother (bedridden) is in a very small home and they keep track of her possessions, so I took her favourite napping throw that sat on her living room couch for years, plus a few blankets. That way they’d feel, smell and look familiar.

I hope she transitions well.

Helpful Answer (7)

Report

I'm sorry to learn about your wife's Alzheimer's condition at such a "young age". She's not even 65 for normal Medicare yet.

You can go only at the moment with your wife since she may not understand words. Do make a comfortable environment that other readers have suggested, probably by now since your question was Dec. 31st.

Helpful Answer (0)

Report

I told my husband that he would be moving to a nicer place and he would have his own room. I said that I would visit him every day and the aides would take good care of him. I think the words were more for me than him. He made very little response and had no idea who I was. As I drove home sobbing, I realized the move was easier on him than on me. I'll pray that God will grant you peace for this hard transition.

Helpful Answer (13)

Report

I wouldn't recommend saying more than absolutely necessary. His wife won't know the difference overall. Explanations aren't necessary. Just letting her know she's loved. We do and say based on our own needs, even if we do not realize it. It is a difficult situation no matter how approached. My heart goes out to you, too.

(3)

Report

See 1 more reply

This is indeed a sad and devastating situation that you are facing right now with your wife being so young and having Alzheimer’s disease. My heart and prayers go out to you. The FDA has just approved a new drug to treat this disease, but it’s only recommended for patients suffering from mild cognitive decline or early onset of Alzheimer’s disease. Hopefully, in the very near future, a miracle drug will be created that will also help people who are in the throes of this horrible disease.

Helpful Answer (0)

Report

I am sorry you are going through this with your wife. This is a big move....more so for you than for her. As you said, she doesn't really know what is going on around her, so there is really no need to say anything to her. Talk with her about anything that you would normally talk about. The crisp clean sheets on the bed, the weather outside, something funny you heard on a show. No need to announce to her what you are doing unless "you" need to say it to make yourself feel ok. Just know that you are doing the right thing. She will be getting around the clock care. When you visit her, you will not be drained and tired. Undoubtedly this is not what either of you had planned at this early age.

Helpful Answer (5)

Report

If you feel better saying something, then a short statement to her just before she leaves ( not way ahead of time) might be something like, ' I love you. You are safe and, we are going to continue to take care of you; one way that we can keep you safe and take care of you is to be in another place with more help. I will see you there.' If you are having her transported by professional transport, and it sounds like you should perhaps be considering this, then step aside and let them take her. If you are transporting her in your personal vehicle, please be sure that you have professional assistance with moving and transferring her and, someone in the car with you to assure safety while you drive. I recommend that you have other professional transportation transition her to the memory care unit. You can follow in your car.
After she is admitted and, in her room, perhaps stay a bit with her , if you like, or confer with the facility staff as to their protocol and, directions. Sometimes, short, abbreviated visits from family at least initially are better as it allows the patient to adjust to and build trust with the staff. This will be completely up to you as to what feels best for you and your wife.
Be sure to practice good self care for yourself and family members; do not let guilt overcome your wise decision for her safe care and your well being. Be sure to have appropriate emotional support for yourself from perhaps your faith leader and /or from facility chaplain or social workers among other interdisciplinary team members. When you do visit your wife always end the visit with something like, I love you and will see you soon. Do not say a specific day or time.

Blessings.....

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

She won't know or remember so do what will support you to feel more ease getting through this. If she isn't used to going out of the house, which I presume she didn't, I might say to her if I were you that you are taking her to a special place that both of you enjoyed, perhaps a local restaurant, a walk on the beach. She likely won't know or understand you although the energy will get through to her and you may feel better with this visualization of a fond memory.

My heart goes out to you. Gena.

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

I would tell her, but not dwell. Tell her once and as you said, she may not even realize it. There’s not point in trying to “hammer it home”, when she either won’t understand or remember. That would only possibly upset her.

Just tell her once and then get on with move as upbeat and cheerful as possible.

Helpful Answer (0)

Report

Here is an article with 50 tips on transitioning a loved one into Memory Care:

https://www.seniorlink.com/blog/50-tips-on-transitioning-a-loved-one-to-memory-dementia-or-alzheimers-careyour-blog-post-title-here

You've likely already dropped your wife off, but perhaps some of these tips will still be useful as you face the upcoming questions or trials that often accompany such a move.

Wishing you both the best of luck acclimating.

Helpful Answer (3)

Report

When I moved my mother to a memory care unit, I didn't tell her anything and she didn't notice. Having no concept of past or future is a blessing sometimes. I brought her to her room and she didn't even notice it wasn't her bed. She sat right down with her doll. Speaking of doll, my mother loves her baby doll from Ashton-Drake.com. They have dolls specifically designed for dementia patients. It is a God send, keeps her entertained and comforted all day and night. Good luck to you.

Helpful Answer (2)

Report

Gcg001: In all ways regarding this, show love. While this has probably already transpired, I send you prayers, dear man.

Helpful Answer (4)

Report

You are right. she probably won't even be aware of her new surroundings. You need to back off to let her aclimate and yourself time to deal with your decision. Then try to see her as much as possible. PRAY, pray and pray some more.

Helpful Answer (0)

Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

In a few days, I'm moving my wife, who has late stage Alzheimer's, to a memory care unit of a nursing home. Any suggestions?

16 Answers

Recent Questions

Popular Questions

Related Questions