FIL is 89. He has had, since April of this year, cardiac ablation surgery, a heart attack after the surgery, and a cardiac stent placement. He is the caregiver to my MIL who is 83 with dementia and mobility issues. He doesn’t help her bathe and lets her sit around the house in clothes with food spills all over them. They have plenty of money but are ridiculously cheap.
I obtained in home help for them at $20 an hour. My MIL was verbally abusive to her caregiver, insisting the caregiver sleep on the floor in her bedroom. They then refused to pay the caregiver until her son threatened them with legal action. I knew none of this was happening until the caregiver notified me after she was dismissed. My husband works insane hours and is an only child. I have MS and cared for my own mother until she passed last year. I’m unwilling to care for them due to my own health issues and the fact that they were incredibly cruel to me and my parents over the years. We have spoken with their GP and made her aware of what is happening and are having a family meeting with her next week. If nothing changes, and I’m convinced it won’t, what do we do? Let the inevitable happen? We have tried to help but we get nowhere. They are also one another’s POA. Frankly, neither of them is competent enough to make important decisions for the other.
That's what they want, right? Give it to them.
This frys my a$$. Your husband should have shut that bs down the 1st time they were cruel to you, now he gets to deal with the fallout all by his sorry self. I wouldn't even be a sympathetic ear for my husband, actually he would be my ex. I deserve a man that fulfills his vows to me, so do you.
I can't get over how many spouses let their parents treat the person they chose to spend their lives with, like crap. Whataman! Not!
To be honest, we all die. A call will come. "The Call" we call it here. It will be from a hospital or from a coroner, and you will HAVE to respond, but at least at that time there will be social workers to help get them assessed and get that POA out of their hands, making you temporary guardian for placement and repair if it can be done. Whether they die at home, or live a few more years in memory care, miserable and uncooperative seems to me a toss-up in terms of which is preferrable.
Choices here are really for your spouse. Be supportive of whatever he/she wishes to do.
Time to look out for your own health! If it helps, take heart in the truth that this won't go on much longer. It can't. They're both so sick in mind and body that it will likely be over soon. I'm very sorry that this is happening to your family.
I'm so sorry for this distressing situation.
Actually if your husband wants to continue helping that is up to him but you back out.
If any other family member is helping they should stop as well.
Be honest...why should I spend my money on paying for help if I have family that can do the same thing for free? I am sure that is the thought process that his parents have. We all want to save for our "golden years" or to provide an inheritance to family members. I think most "family members" would be happy with less or none if it meant they did not have to help on a day to day basis.
You have 3 choices
Wait for something to happen .
Call APS
Call the County Agency of Aging .
Whatever help you are providing , step back . Don’t prop them up at home . The only thing I would do is have their groceries delivered.
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