He said I’m a loser that I’m too ugly to be married, that he wishes a woman from his office is his daughter instead. Never mind that I’m the one cooking and driving him to the doctor and these perfect people never call visit or write, how do you deal with this?
If he doesn't have dementia, let him have it and tell him he can't treat you like that. Stand up for yourself.
I did stand up for myself. I told him off this morning and every time he says something hurtful. He apologizes but then does it again. Maybe he does have it. Then again he has always had some narcissistic traits
Wishing you all the best.
It breaks my heart that you and other woman think somehow that just because it's your parents that you're caring for, that you have to put up with their abuse. That is so far from the truth. Until you realize that you deserve better, you will never make the changes to end it, and it will only continue.
Abuse of any kind is never ok. NEVER!!! And in case you're not aware that what your dad is doing is actually abuse, you're hearing it here that it is. It's called verbal abuse, and it's not ok.
Perhaps it's time to let you dad hire some outside help to come to take him to his appointments, and do his cooking. He will find out quickly that he will not get away with verbally abusing hired help, as they just won't stick around. That just may be a lesson that he needs to learn.
Please stop putting up with the abuse! You deserve SO much better!
How could you possibly share your father’s feelings on being a woman and a daughter?
He doesn’t know how blessed he is to have a daughter who is caring for him. I think that I would have to remind him that he owes you a world of thanks! You have gone above and beyond for him. Although your words may fall on deaf ears. If you walk away, your actions will speak volumes and possibly be more effective.
His ‘friends’ have no right to criticize you! He is extremely insensitive to tell you their views. You know that their opinions have absolutely no merit at all.
Continue to be yourself. You’re an artist. You are a woman born in this country. He is not entitled to abuse you due to your heritage Be proud of who you are and what you stand for. Your father’s views do not define who you are.
Come back in an hour and ask if he's feeling better.
I would do this as often as necessary and start looking for someplace elase to live.
All of us have a heritage from the past, because all cultures have changed in the last 50 years. We have to decide which bits of our cultural heritage we want to continue with, and which we junk. For example and thank heavens, a lot of people are junking the old ‘American’ culture of racism. You don’t have to perpetuate any part of the Filipino culture that you don’t like, or that is not good for you now. If you visit the Philippines now, you would probably find that young people there are making changes themselves.
If Dad was brought up with servants and household help, he should be happy in a facility with staff (though he may need to treat them with more respect). Don’t feel that you are sentenced to care for him until he dies in many years’ time. Do something about it now, and reclaim the rest of your life. Your parents brought you to the USA. They must have known that you would grow up accepting the US culture and the options it provides.
Have dad's dr do a cognitive assessment on him to determine his if his mental cognition is declining. Ask to have a needs assessment done on your father by social services or your local Area Council on Aging.
Consider placing dad in the appropriate facility and let the staff do the hands on work while you care give by advocating for his needs. You can visit him as his daughter instead of his hands on caregiver. If he is abusive during your visit you just tell him you'll come visit when he is feeling better.
Good Luck