My brother-in-law is quadriplegic and bedridden. He hired a caregiver that is not licensed or medically trained to take care of him. This caregiver is from Mexico and did not have her citizenship. She has been taking care of my brother for over 20 years and we recently moved to the same town and noticed some things that I'm pretty sure are illegal. This caregiver got my brother to marry her and she is taking full advantage of him. First of all....she has been living with another man for 8 years now and she has had 4 children in that time with the other man while still being married to my brother. My brother pays her a large sum of money every month, pays all of her bills, provides her with several credit cards, bought her a house, 3 years ago bought her a $100,000 Cadillac Escalade, 3 months ago bought her a brand new GMC 1500 pickup, last month bought her a brand new Ford F250 truck all while living in an old trailer because he can't afford better for himself. She also brought her niece in several years ago to help take care of him, but she's taking advantage of him too. He's purchased a house for her too and bought very extravagant gifts as well. (ie. A brand new GMC Tahoe Denalli, brand new Chevy 1500, a new Ford F250, and he pays all her bills and provides her with credit cards as well) They also have large life insurance policies on my brother. I can't stand seeing my brother suffer, but these girls have full control of him. Please let me know if there is an agency or organization that can help me get my brother help. Thank you.
Well. Whatever you think of their unusual domestic arrangement, this home healthcare worker is in fact your brother's wife.
As far as I am aware, there is no jurisdiction in which it is illegal for a man to give his wife extravagant gifts. Though on a personal note I might add with some asperity that you could've fooled me...
To return.
This is your brother or your brother in law? If the latter, your sister's husband, or your wife's brother?
And what has his family been doing in terms of providing care for him over the last twenty years?
And looking at some details in the history - two houses while he lives in a slum trailer, all those vehicles, four children born to his wife not his own - if you were reading a post like that written by somebody else would you find it entirely credible?
Your talking over $400,000. in six brand new SUV’s and trucks, plus two houses - plus the credit cards. That’s about a cool $1.0 million dollars... and your quad brother is living in a mobile home?
May I ask where the money is coming from. I ask for two reasons: 1. Your story is very difficult to believe. 2. If in fact your brother has significant financial resources at his disposal- if we could believe your story is on the level - knowing his accurate financial situation would certainly make it easier to provide actionable solutions.
I apologize if I’m out of line here - but, seriously?
This is one of three posts you've made on the subject. But in none of them do you describe what your BIL wants. Is he begging you to get him out of this mess? Is he telling you to mind your own business? Is he mentally competent?
If this exploitation has been going on 20 years, why is it just coming to your notice now? What kind of a relationship have you and your wife had with this man throughout his handicapped life? What kind of care have you been providing? Is there additional family? If so, what has their involvement been?
You say BIL is "living in an old trailer because he can't afford better for himself." Nonsense. He very obviously can afford pretty much whatever he wants. So if he is living in inadequate housing there must be another reason. Is the "old trailer" a luxury modular home that has been set up to meet his specialized needs? Has he asked you to help him find a better place? Have you offered?
If you managed to get his wife deported and repossess all of the gifts, how would BIL's life be improved? Presumably he'd have more money at his disposal. And that would be an improvement because ... ??
Deciding how to spend his wealth is one thing BIL can do independently. And yet that is one thing you wish to deprive him of. So, again, I ask what BIL's attitude is toward all this?
Referring to BIL's wife as a "home healthcare worker" in your title is very misleading. What is your real purpose in posting here?
I hope APS might have some feedback for you about how it looks to them.
Which leads to Snoopy's questions: is there anything preventing your BIL from exercising his rights? Can he communicate fully? - and if so, is he in regular contact with people besides his wife and her niece? (And, if not, how do you come to be so well informed about how his money is being spent?)
In any case there is nothing to prevent your wife from seeking advice from the usual agencies responsible for the protection of vulnerable adults. If she has genuine concerns about her brother's welfare, she should contact APS and take it from there.
If, on the other hand, her concerns are primarily about his money's welfare and his spending it freely on what she - she would not be alone in this - considers to be entirely unworthy causes, that's a bit different. Very natural, but not of interest to the authorities I shouldn't have thought.
Also, is BIL receiving quality care? Are his dietary needs being met? Is he bathed and monitored for bed sores? Is his home kept clean? Is the wife transporting him to doctor appointments?
How old is your BIL and what are the expectations for his continuing quality of life? Does it look like the wife is committed to staying for the long haul? After all, she has been there for twenty years - so far - and gifts aside, caring for a quadriplegic is no easy thing - assuming there is quality care being provided.
You say say she’s been there for twenty years, but at what point did they marry? If it’s been a while I doubt agencies such as INS would have much interest in this being a fraudulent marriage- not to mention she now has four children born in the U.S. which would keep their mother in the country.
Are you or your wife able to talk to this woman? One thing she should be made aware of is - considering the exorbitant gifting if/when the money runs out BIL will likely be denied Medicaid for quite a while and that she - the wife - will be responsible for his care.
Just trying to putting the pieces of this puzzle together but it's not fitting.
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