This friend is calling the facility and demanding that she speak with my aunt’s doctor. Saying my aunt has rights. Of course this stirs my aunt up more. She fixates on her bank statements and money. I feel so defeated. I’m doing my best and really just pay her bills. So now I’m the villain.
You are now in charge. Mom can no longer make informed decisions. You have the right to ban this friend. She may think she is doing the right thing but she is causing you problems. You are important here too. Like said, Mom needs peace too. This friend is just agitating Mom and making your caring harder.
I would get a lawyer to write up a quick (and inexpensive) Cease and Desist Letter to send to this so-called "friend" who is stirring the pot. I would let the facility know this person is upsetting your Aunt, and to prohibit them visiting or having contact.
There are strict HIPPA laws about an "outsider" getting any information from your Aunt's doctor. Yes, your Aunt has RIGHTS....to a peaceful environment and not to have some outsider causing her stress and anxiety.
You can limit visitors.
You can limit phone calls.
If your Aunt has a cell phone you can block this person's number.
I you are not POA then you have no control over this.
And by POA I mean a legal POA not just a relative that is helping her pay bills helping. If your Aunt is not in Memory Care and is in Assisted Living that should change as well in AL there is very little control as to who a person leaves with and there is the possibility that this "friend" may decide to take Aunt to the bank.
Also, no attorney would move forward with a change of POA or will with your aunt living in a memory care facility. Shame on this "friend" because she isn't helping an already sad situation.
This woman sounds like a troublemaker and is no friend to your aunt if she is instigating trouble and making your aunt upset. I would not allow her to visit or call.
Of course the friend may be responding to my aunt’s paranoia and worry.