My 80 y/o dad seems like he has a Dr Jeckyl/Mr Hyde personality and says he doesnt remember saying mean things to my mom. At other times, he says "well, she says mean things to me too!" I'm certain my mom never starts any arguments, however I can believe that once a heated argument is started (by dad), she just might say mean things too. Is this a symptom of dementia or depression. Mom always complains how "boring" her days are. He watches tv all day, never does anything else. She watches a little tv, does a little laundry, and naps. Any suggestions?
I hope you get some quick solutions for your parents and may we all take heed on how we want to lead the rest of our lives...to the best of our abilities.
Sounds like cabin fever.
Cabin fever (also known as House Syndrome) is claustrophobic reaction that takes place when a person or group is isolated and/or shut in, in a small space, with nothing to do, for an extended period (as in a simple country vacation cottage during a long rain or snow). Symptoms include restlessness, irritability, irrational frustration with everyday objects, forgetfulness, laughter, excessive sleeping, distrust of anyone they are with, and an urge to go outside even in the rain, snow or dark. Cabin fever can also be known as a term for a lack of sexual intercourse.
Remember that they've been at it for years, so don't take sides. Instead, sit down with them and ask how and where they met, the places they frequented, their favorite foods, etc.. There's a lot of things that brought them together, and somehow they've come to believe all that -- and their love for each other -- died with Disco.
As their daughter, you can be the spark needed to rekindle that relationship. ... Or give them a pair of boxing gloves for Christmas and get out of the way.
-- ED
Sometimes he remembers what he said and sometimes he doesn't. Several times a week he complains that we didn't inform him of this or that when we had.
Dad has never talked about his feelings that indicate vulnerability. My mother is several years older than my father and it finally came out in counseling how much fear he has about her passing away before him. I realize now that's been a lifelong habit of his --- to lash out at other people when his insecurities or fears got the best of him.
Sounds like cabin fever coupled with a purpose-less existence. Cooped up all day, it's not uncommon for people to lash out at targets they assume won't defend themselves. Then, instead of owning the behavior, claim amnesia.
As Nancy suggested, check out local senior centers -- preferrably with a gym. That way they can take out their pent up frustrations on the bike/treadmill instead of each other. In the meantime treat them both as a unit and avoid taking sides.
Trust me, I had twin boys. Defending/protecting one betrayed the other. The conflict between them sometimes escalated. Other times they'd make up by ganging up against me. ... Don't become their target.
Actually, I find that Mom has been like this all of her life, now it's magnified 10 fold.
I'm trying to see the rationale here. Most times, people birth children because they want to, but in the end children become responsible for their adult un-ruly child like Parents and we're just supposed to suck it up. Sorry but I'm feeling suckered!!!!
Ok, shoot the arrows but for me, it is what it is.
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