
My mother-in-law is refusing to take a shower. She uses our guest bathroom as her own. She is slowly running out of clean clothes and refuses to let me wash them for her but doesn't know how to use my washing machine. And she's back to calling me a "heathen". She's deep in Dementia.
Husband needs to get her in the shower himself, or TELL HER she is going to take a shower and get clean, period. Get the shower supplies ready (towels, soap, washcloth, shampoo and fresh clothes), warm up the water and bathroom. Then get her and TELL HER "your shower is ready, go take it!" Even follow her to bathroom, show her water is warmed and have your husband nearby to TELL his Mom to take a shower.
Don't let your MIL NEAR your washing machine, either. She will end up breaking something or flooding the house. Or ruining other clothes.
If she is "deep in dementia" tell Husband to start looking for a Memory Care facility and get her placed. This is very unfair to have to babysit and deal with a stubborn senior that isn't even your own Mother.
And the same with the washing of her clothes, you just do it for her as she know longer knows how to do it anymore. And again, you don't ask, you just do it.
Her brain will not be getting any better, only worse, and if these things are getting to be too much for you than it may be time to have her placed in a memory care facility.
There is no way I would get in the shower with another adult other than my husband. That’s just me though. We all set our own boundaries.