My mother has always talked about her health issues, complaining she never feels well. It becomes negative visiting her, sometimes. I try to redirect the conversation away from her complaints. Every time I would visit her that’s all she would talk about, she was never really there for me emotionally.. she’s 88 years old. Last year she kind of started talking about going to assisted-living so my brother and I took her to two different places, but then she changed her mind. Then yesterday she told me, over the phone, that this place had called her and she told me that I told them I made an appointment for her about going to a place, I never did that, but she kept insisting that I probably did because they knew my name. She told me I need to call them and cancel the appointment and not to do it again without telling her.. I told her I never heard of the place and I don’t have the number. But then she said she told them she’s not coming for the appointment. I understand that she’s been confused quite a bit lately, but it was hurtful because she assumed I would do something behind her back, which I would never do, and she didn’t want to believe what I was telling her! My mother and I don’t have the best relationship at least on an emotional level. She has always been an emotionally distant parent. But I tried to do what is right and help her out as much as I can, I’m the one that takes her to go shopping or to doctors appointments because everyone else in family is working, I only work part time, and my brother lives 45 minutes away. But she has always had a tendency to make everything about herself. My brother and I agreed that she definitely has narcissistic tendencies. It’s always about her. I feel like I need a break from her just to get myself together, thoughts? I just don’t want to see her right now. And there have been other incidents in the past! Her negative energy is quite draining. I have my own health problems, and am little anxious about upcoming surgery on my Cervical spine! Thank you.
Once we were in a restaurant with some friends, I said something, it got her mad and she punched me in the arm in front of everyone. I tried talking to her about it on phone few days later, stating it was embarrassing what she did, and I was hoping she would apologize. And she stated I should apologize to her for what I said which, was something about bedbugs, no big deal, and she said she doesn’t need to apologize to me because she’s my mother! My response to that was, so I need to apologize when I hurt your feelings, but you could hurt my feelings and not apologize?
And in the heat of the moment, I just hung up on her and didn’t really talk to you for about a month except an occasional text. Of course she didn’t reach out to me at all, she never really texts or calls unless she needs something!
I am becoming the parent she the kid! , she never really texts or calls unless she needs something. It doesn’t bother., she’s that way with everyone!
It’s the lack of respect and boundaries!
Good luck, I hope you will take your need to liberate yourself seriously. With your health issues, you really need to put yourself first.
Realize that you do not need to participate in these conversations because they can be infuriating and disconcerting.
While working, I will normally redirect or get busy with another task when all else fails.
I learned not to fed into this behavior, and to disengage.
That usually worked better than trying to use logic or reality.
Here's what you do. She gets a hired caregiver/companion that she pays for who now takes her grocery shopping and to doctor's appointments. Your reason for why you can no longer do it is you went back to work full time because you need the money. No one has to know you didn't. Keep in regular contact with the caregiver/companion and visit your mother once a week. If she starts up with the complaining, negativity, and stubborn nonsense tell you plainly that if she wants you to stay she will have to stop otherwise you're leaving. If she continues, that's when you get up and leave or a phone call ends.
If she's living alone, it might be a good time to look into a live-in caregiver moving in so she's not alone in the house at her age.