My brother — who also has healthcare POA, and he and my SIL have been helping care for Mom — did something out of left field while our 90-year-old Mom has been in rehab facility after breaking her hip.
One evening last weekend I got a text from him saying MOM SAID a friend in a family crisis needs a place to stay for a few nights. I told him I felt that was highly inappropriate being that we ALSO were in a family crisis. I expressed to him that Mom was in no condition to make those types of decisions. He completely ignored my text.
I’ve seen how she’ll do basically anything for him. My brother and SIL then left on vacation. I couldn’t believe it. That night, I was so disturbed I didn’t sleep almost the entire night.
Fast forward a couple days and I’m spending time with Mom. She brings up the fact that this man is staying at her house. I took the opportunity to tell her that I did not agree and I was not asked, but told about it. A few minutes later I could tell she was getting anxious so I asked her what was making her feel anxious. She told me in broken sentences that she was anxious about someone being in her house.
I had already made up my mind I was going over there to confront the situation and I was taking my husband, who was backing me up. I also talked to others in the family — not immediate family, but others who were very well aware of how my brother is — who confirmed it was highly inappropriate, especially right now when we are in a crisis mode with my mother.
Last night with my husband backing me and also expressing very tactfully that my mom was anxious about someone staying in her house without anyone there, this person staying in my mom's house offered to leave and we encouraged him to so. He was very gracious for the time that he got to stay there, but he understood why. I was so thankful that we didn’t have any kind of ugly confrontation. I’m sorry for him, but we can’t be expected to fix his problems — we have enough of our own.
It feels good that I stood up for my mom.
Shame on your brother for just offering up his mother's home to someone to stay in without asking her. He should have offered up his own, funny how that didn't happen.
You should do what it takes to be appointed POA. Your brother has clearly demonstrated that he is not capable of acting in his mother's best interests.
It is very clear that you should be not only the health power of attorney for your mother but the financial power of attorney as well. You have demonstrated that you have the sense and judgment to properly look out for your mom‘s best interest. When your brother and his wife get back from their vacation, I hope you will have the opportunity to make some changes on how decisions for your mother are carried out. Again, you are a gem!
If your brother gets angry about his friend being asked to leave, tell him to pay for a motel room out of his own money for his friend.
Your mother's home is not a free rooming house.
leaving your mother
arranging a lodger
Highly irregular activity
sounds like abuse of the poa and that mother needs to be put into proper care?
What were they thinking!
apart from their holiday !
I’m doing my research and trying to talk to the rt people and feeling more confident about my plan — MY plan as I seem to be the only one who is trying to have one. I will inform them as needed. Otherwise it’s full steam ahead. If he pushes too hard at this point — and I’ll be fighting as hard as I can for my mom’s emotional and physical well being — he’ll get the whole caregiving thing thrown in his lap. I may not have a choice.