I should have logged EVERY thing, I know that now.We are co-agent POAs which I fought against.
My brother has been fairly uninvolved in my mothers life for years now. She was diagnosed with mild to mod. Alzheimer's in December, stayed with him for 10 days, and then moved in with me from Jan- last week. During those 10 days, he took her to an elder law att. and attempted to remove me as POA and executor, claiming that I had financially abused her in the past. My mom did help me with my mortgage prior to her symptoms while I was struggling with pre-natal & post-partum depression. That was her choice and between her and I. He used those statements to claim abuse.
He has a long history of drug use. While he is sober now, there have been some permanent effects on his personality - need for control, etc.
While my mother was staying with me I had to turn multiple clients away so that I wasn't leaving her alone for 4-6+ hours at a time regularly.There were a number of things that I personally paid for out of pocket for her, and I spent most evenings (when my husband got home) away from my 4 children (ages 1, 3, 9, & 13) to get her home ready to list. My brother and I agreed that rather than hire someone to do it, since I was turning clients away it was 100% reasonable to pay myself for manual labor if I chose to work nights over there. I packed her 4 bedroom home, facilitated movers for large items, moved the rest myself to her storage unit, set up and held and estate sale, packed up the remaining items, deep cleaned, did touch ups, met with contractors for maintenance, etc.
That is just the labor away from my children. It doesn't scratch the surface on the mental, emotional, or physical stress I have had in such a short amount of time. The task list is never ending, you know. I'm sorry to complain, I know many of you are years into your caregiving exp. I am just painting a picture that my brother can't seem to wrap his head around.
He was suddenly very understanding while she was here and insisted I allow her to pay my mortgage or contribute since I was unable to work much (she was my full-time job). My gut said to get that in writing, and I didn't. I was just happy to be speaking cordially with my only sibling again. Mom went to his house last week while I left town for a few nights. Day 1, he started with "you stole 25k from her, we're hiring an attorney. She isn't comfortable going back to your house, I'll take care of everything moving forward." I sent him a breakdown last week supplying: "reminder, you suggested she help pay my mortgage which is $2,250/m and also pay myself for manual labor spent away from the kids. What was sent to me totals what that would have cost. "It was $9k. The income I lost from clients alone would have totaled $16,250."
Side note: 2 weeks before her diagnosis, he took her to the bank and had her write him a check for 15k as a "gift."
She is due to move into assisted living this week. I had a plan to reduce transfer trauma and I am being pushed out because he is doing everything in his power to make her paranoid and fear me.
I am so new to all of this. We are in Louisiana, attorneys kind of make up stuff as they go sometimes. I am going to go back in my statements and what I have access to of hers (he locked me out of everything) and itemize what I can. Aside from that, I am at a loss and would really appreciate ANY advice you may be able to share.
Thank you so much. <3
Let your brother take you to court. You should petition for conservatorship/guardianship of your mother if you want it. Only if you really want it. Don't be afraid of your brother and demented mother making threats about suing you. If you or your brother try to get conservatorship/guardianship over your mother, the court will appoint a lawyer (that she pays for) to independently represent her in the matter. She has Alzheimer's and that's going to reflect the decisions the judge makes. No court will expect that you were supposed to give her free room and board in your house along with 24/7 caregiving services. That's an unreasonable expectation and a probate court judge (that's who hears these kinds of cases) sees cases like this every single day. They know what's up when there is one caregiving sibling, one greedy non-caregiving one, and a demented elderly parent. Don't worry too much. They'll also see the check for $15,000 she wrote your brother two weeks before the formal diagnosis of Alzheimer's. Even if your brother prevents you from seeing the financials, he can't prevent bank from obeying the subpoena from the court.
Yes, lawyers lie all the time in court. The lawyer the nursing home sent to represent my father when they tried to sue for consrvatorship/guardianship didn't even remember his name and had never actually met him or spoken with him but said they did. I asked how that was possiblse since he was unable to speak due to a stroke. Don't worry too much. If it gets to court, just explain yourself in plain language the best you can. If you can't afford to hire a lawyer let them know that. It's not a criminal case.
Call your brother's bluff and tell him go ahead on the lawsuit. He'll have plenty of explaining to do himself.
No one on this forum can help you. You need an attorney if you want to duke it out with your brother -- and Mom.
Your brother extracting a $15k check from your Mom? He's not sober... he's funding his addiction.
That $15,000 gift that she gave him may become a problem if she needs long term care. The look back period for Medicaid recovery is 5 years, and the timing of her diagnosis isn't really at issue for this particular thing.
POAs have the fiduciary duty to act in the best interest of the person who gave you that power. It's usually best to have a contract written up for payments to you for work done for your mom. See an attorney for the best way to proceed now that you are being accused of financial abuse. How did he respond to you regarding the breakdown you sent him? Did he at least acknowledge he told you to do this?