I do everything for her and she treats me like shit all the time, makes me feel like this is all for nothing, I literally put my life on hold to be here for her and it's like I'm not good enough.. what do I do, stay out of guilt or take care of my mental,, so hurt and confused just looking for tips..
Anyway, get your mother into Assisted Living asap, one that has a Memory Care attached to it, so she can segue into it when necessary. Let her pay to be ugly to others. My mother loved AL.....she got to be the Wonderful Old Lady Everyone Loved and reserve her ugliness and angst for me, the only child who was never good enough. But I got to deal with her on MY terms and leave when she got too much. I still did a ton for her though.
Stop trying to please a woman you cannot please, and get on with your life. Get her settled in AL and let her be. You can thank me later 🤣
Best of luck to you.
You deserve better. It doesn't matter that she's your mom. Any mom who truly loves their child would never abuse them in any way, nor would they want them to give up their life and well being for them.
I'm just saying.
This is your opportunity! Say "Yes, Assisted Living is the best thing to do because you're clearly not happy here with me and I have put my life on hold for five years, so let's pick out a place and get you moved." That is all the explanation you need to provide. Call the nearby places, get their brochures, have her pick a couple to tour, and do it. When she argues, just say, Mom, you complain about me all the time, it's time for you to go. Period. End of sentence. If she's mad, let her be mad. That's life. And you deserve your own life.
That is just not true. I believe it is an act of love when you need to do the hard things on their behalf, even when it is not familiar or comfortable.
Allowing her to mistreat you will not achieve anything but bitterness and resentment once she has passed, leaving you without the ability to have a good life for yourself. This can destroy you, and your future.
You can tell your mother that you are done and that she is going to have to find other help beginning ___________ give her a date.
On that date you are out of her house.
If she is living with you you will ask her to leave and give her WRITTEN notice and you must go to the County Courthouse and file eviction papers. You may have to send her a certified letter so when you do the written notice send it certified.
If you are living with her make sure that all of your belongings are out of the house when you leave.
Notify APS that there is vulnerable senior living alone.
You can go to your local Senior Service Center and talk to someone there, good possibility that any call made to APS will go through that office anyway.
You do not go into detail in your post as to the type of help that she needs or why you began helping 5 years ago. But there is no way you should have put up with it for 4 years and 11 months and 2 weeks.
There is no guilt for something like what you are experiencing. Sending hugs to you right now.
There is another way for you to survive this, but Mom won't change except to get worse. Maybe Mom cannot be reasoned with or really understand any conversations about making changes for the both of you. Only you will know that, but you don't need a big blow up argument right now. Is she stable in your opinion? Any other family?
It is time for you to save yourself, immediately. There is absolutely no reason for you to suffer this any longer. Your mental health is a priority at this time.
Does Mom have a diagnosis of dementia, or alzheimers?
Everybody will be back here in the morning, it's just after midnight here in my area.
Maybe they can help you plan something.
Pack a go bag. You are going to rescue yourself. Any pets? Just the action of packing may help you think of possibilities that could help you.
Have you heard of "respite care"? When the patient goes into a facility for a few weeks while the caregiver recovers and makes plans.
It is a good thing you have done to reach out about your struggles.
When you come back try not to minimize your distress. It is harder to help someone if they struggle with denial and confusion.
Are you safe at this time?
Is there alcohol or drugs in the home?
Does she drive?
Those are some things we have discussed here before. But right now, YOU
are important!
Get some sleep, may help with burnout.
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