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Not a question. I worked in a nursing home in college 50 years ago. Some of my patients were very confused and combative when they needed showering or bathing. When my MIL needed dementia care, I got her a massage once a week. She was still pretty with it, but I wanted her to get used to more physical touch as she’d been widowed for 20+ years.

That sounds like a solid strategy. But lying down covered with a sheet isn't really the same as getting full frontal naked. Not to mention being bathed or showered by someone else is cold because no matter how warm the room is you aren't under a constant stream of water or holding the warmth in with a closed curtain or door. (just try it and you'll see)
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And ????
Did your MIL allow showers with help once she got ALOT more confused ?
And when she was much more confused was she still allowing massages , or had you stopped those ? I could see someone who is confused feeling vulnerable laying down on a table face down not being able to see what was about to occur .
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Just have to say, this is the first I have heard of a DIL paying for her MIL to get a massage once a week! I’d be thrilled to get this as a gift once a year!
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ArtistDaughter Mar 3, 2026
I too would like massage as a gift! I get them for myself though. My grandmother had never had a massage in her life until my mom hired a massage therapist to go into Grandma's home once a week. Grandma had never heard of such a thing, absolutely loved it, and could not stop talking about how wonderful it felt. She had been widowed for 30 years. She and my mom also had no issues about nudity for bathing by others when that time came, but Mom didn't like the touching when nude and would fight it. She had Alzheimer's and didn't quite understand what was happening.
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There are people who just hate massages, my best friend being one of them. She's a very bright person (head of HR at Target stores) and I personally can understand how anyone could not love a massage, but each individual gets to decide. I don't think you should give anyone a massage who doesn't want one. Period.

There are many other strategies to get unwilling adults to shower/bathe.
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funkygrandma59 Mar 3, 2026
Being someone who was sexually abused as a child for many years, the last thing I would want is for a stranger to be touching me all over my body, so I too would be one who would NEVER want a stranger to give me a massage.
I've been given massage gift cards over the years and have just given them away to friends who I knew would enjoy them.
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A lot of people don’t like massages because it’s awkward . You are in a room face down with a stranger touching you . Then there is the awkward need for conversation when you are face down . I was given one as a gift and used it . Thought it was awkward .
If I went more times it would feel less awkward I suppose .
But I wouldn’t force anyone to try it that didn’t want to . They won’t be relaxed , it won’t be enjoyable . I could see seniors especially those with dementia not liking it .
I found that a facial or scalp treatment did not feel awkward . And each one alone is cheaper than a massage .
I can not stand anyone touching my feet , very ticklish, 😂😂. I have never had a mani - pedi . I do my own .
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