
Cell phone concerns with 86 yr old mother in law been in nursing home near 4 yrs, due to partial stroke affected motor skills, wheel chair and an fall resident, needs help assisting with bathroom toileting. Not much dementia, however normal manipulation of aging / so called dementia has been occurring to make family members feel quilt. When is it time to take the cell phone away, continually calls near daily, bazar conversations of noisy subjects, most intricate questions about what will be the next step in our kitchen remodeling project. Inquiries which wall will be painted and such. MIL hasnt been to our house in over 30 yrs. Causes stress on husband and I totally resent her calling and cringe ever tie I hear his cell phone ring, thinking it may be MIL calling again.
In my experience with 5 elders to date, the phone issue is the first sign. I would have her tested for a UTI, which is treatable. If she tests negative, then she most likely has moderate dementia. By time family sees daily signs she is already at the moderate level. But, if this behavior seems "sudden" then this is very likely to be a UTI.
No one needs to answer her calls for now. Let them go to voicemail until her husband or PoA figures out what's going on with her.
People can chose to answer the phone or let it go to voice mail.
You can shut off your phone after a certain time at night and don' turn it on until the morning (or just let her calls at night go to voicemail)
Now a medical take on this.
If these calls are a sudden change you might want to ask that she be tested for a UTI. ANY sudden change or decline should be a reason to test her. The test for a UTI is simple and if using a test strip it is pretty inexpensive way to screen her.
Don't take her phone away though. If you think about it, what else does she really have? If the calling so much is a regular thing, she's probably bored or lonely. Talk to the recreation director of the facility she's in and ask them to encourage her to get involved with the activities and entertainments they have going on. Or if it's possible hire a companion to visit her a few hours a week. You don't have to answer every all though. Let them go to voicemail then delete them at the end of the day. You can block her number entirely or for a certain number of hours a day so your voicemail won't be filled up with messages from her. There's AI programs now specifically designed for the elderly which will respond to them all day if they want to be on the phone.
Get her tested for a UTI and talk to the recreation director of the facility she's in. See what they recommend.
Perhaps you could replace her cell phone with one that restricts her outgoing calls. There might be one that restricts outgoing calls to only a certain time frame, such as 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. Shop around and see what's available.
As to "not much dementia," I suspect more dementia than you know. There's never not much dementia because it doesn't go away, some people are adept at hiding it, and once it starts you might as well prepare for the worst. Suggestion: start looking at memory care facilities ASAP. When was the last time she had the 30 question MMSE test for cognitive skills? Her PCP should be administering it at least once a year. You could get it off the internet and administer yourselves without her realizing what you're doing. It wouldn't be official but could confirm how far along she is, which would give you some credit if you demand that her phone "disappear" and she enter memory care.