During the time she has been here she has always done her laundry in the machine. She has trouble turning on the dryer as appliances confuse her but we always did that for her. In the past couple weeks she hasn't had any laundry to do. This seemed strange so in checking up I find she has been washing her things in her shower then draping them all over her bathroom and bedroom to dry??? I really don't know what brought this on. We tread lightly when questioning things because she seems to be easily offended or hurt. We have never begrudged her using our appliances. Any thoughts on how to approach this delicately. She even "washed" a down filled comforter in the shower!
What you think is hurt feeling may be confusion on her part. If you keep the tone light but firm, I don’t think she will protest.
For the duvet, perhaps tell her you are taking all the bedding in the house for Spring Cleaning, and make sure it is thoroughly clean.
i have in the past washed a down duvet in the bathtub. It is possible, but is heavy work and needs to be thoroughly dried. I like to line dry them on a sunny windy day.
For her regular laundry, could you tell her you do not have enough for a full load and gather up some of hers to top up the load? She maybe losing the ability to manage the task, but trying to hide it.
We (sisters and I) believe that when she still in independent living she was drying herself off after a shower by using paper towels. That way, the bath towels wouldn't need washing. My sister the detective thought, hmm, she's going through a lot of paper towels, and, hmm, the bath towel never seems even wrinkled.
Mom complained one time about the bathmat being heavy. We think to ourselves, Why is she lifting the bathmat? Well, she had soiled it and tried to wash it in the shower. A wet bathmat is really heavy.
Mom gets upset that my sister, the close-by daughter and detective, nabs her dirty clothing items and puts them in the hamper for washing by the AL facility.
In your case, I'd bet incontinence and embarrassment are elements, plus perhaps forgetting how to do the wash.
My mother asked me quite a few times whether the pantiliners could be reused. No, Mom, no.
Even now, she wants to remove dirty clothes from the hamper and put them back in drawers.
UTI's come and go because of unsanitary situations that all of us have worked on to address. But she's 92, cognitively deficient but defiant. Getting her to change is not likely to happen. (But she always used to have excellent hygiene and kept her house sparkling; what happened to That habit?)
This is a brain problem.
Keep your ears and eyes open and think like a detective.
Mom today is laundry day let's get those clothes in the machine...
Mom this is a special comforter let's get in the car and take it to the cleaners....
Mom I have room in the machine for some of your towels let's save some water and wash them together...
You can also place a note on the bathroom on the mirror. Clothes go in the machine.
I have had to do this with my father.
Blessings
hgnhgn
You may want to check hygiene practices too.
It is awful watching our lived ones decline into dementia and the amount of things that they go through is gut wrenching. I still can't figure out if my dad knows or if he is clueless about his lapses.
I hope it was something simple like boredom and all is well.
I think a friendly approach to laundry day, maybe do it together, then you can chat and sort or fold.
I would also get her checked for a UTI, changes from one can be any kind of behavior changes, not everyone gets angry, some get more forgetful, loose balance, etc. Once you rule out any medical cause, then implement a laundry routine. I would check her mattress on the sly, this could be very enlightening.