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Finally dad is ready, last week, we found a group home to move mom to. dad is 2nd guessing the decision, mostly because of how much he wrote a check for. In our mind, it is not an option for mom to go back home, but dad is in charge. this article talks about boundaries, it hits on a few marks. we don't think its an option to move mom again, and yet dad is calling the plan. AND dad calls us when mom is not doing well. we want to strengthen boundaries AND make sure mom is being taken care of well. any other advice?

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Was your Dad struggling to care properly for your Mom? If not, and he is her PoA, he can take her back home BUT you need to make it very clear that you'll be monitoring the situation and if he's starting to burn our and/or her care is lacking then either she goes back to the facility, he hires in-home help (lots) or you will report the situation to APS. He shouldn't make the decision based on the cost. Who is going to take care of him when it's his turn? Does he assume his children will move him in or orbit around him to save a few bucks? When an elder seems irrational or "stubborn" it is usual a symptom of dementia.
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If dad is mom’s POA for healthcare decisions and his mind is sound, he can decide where mom lives. If he chooses to bring her home, make it clear to him he must hire helpers for tasks he can’t handle. Let him know firmly you will not come to his rescue. It may take mom being not cared for in the way you’d prefer for dad to see this is a bad plan. But if you come rescue him and fix the problems he will never understand why he should have left her in professional care. The boundaries aren’t for mom and dad, they’re for you, you decide what you will and won’t do, what’s healthy and realistic for you, and do that, nothing more. No arguing, no justifying. I’m sorry dad doesn’t see the wisdom in knowing when he can’t handle things anymore, but that doesn’t mean his adult children become the answer
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