Mom calls begging me to come get her from the SNF and keep her until she dies. I have 2 dogs. She hates dogs! I have stairs, also.

My 96 year old mother had been driving yet at 92, but got seriously lost out in the country one time. She’s lived in this small Iowa town since birth. My sister, my niece, and I talked about her safety in driving and wondered if she should think about AL. In a few months she agreed, so we toured the 2 available with her. She decided on one & 2 months later, moved in. She hated it because they put gravy on everything & all the people at morning coffee touch every donut before picking one. We tried visiting frequently; my niece does daily since she lives in the same town. If not visiting, we call daily. After a year, Mom started falling and the facility got her a walker. She refused to use it. I’m a retired RN after 41 years working with geriatrics. I retired at 70. I never had a patient like Mom! A year ago, Mom called me crying saying one of the men at the facility sexually assaulted her. No staff members were around. Found out Iowa law allows sex offenders to reside with frail elderly in AL facilities! This guy is about 50 years old & lives on the same floor, with another one one floor up who roams the entire building. I drove 3 1/2 hours to see what was going on. Mom told me the man put his hand down the front of her underwear & fondled her. She was frantic! We all met with the director. She said Mom exaggerates sometimes so it probably didn’t happen. I said so you tend to blame the victim? I said I was a mandatory reporter and maybe we needed to get a complaint started. I let her talk me into a plan of care where a staff member would eyeball him every hour. We told Mom the plan & also told her she could come to live with me or we’d find her an apartment & hire a housekeeper, someone to do her shopping & take her on errands, & someone to prepare meals. She would have to agree to wear her lifeline 24/7 & use her walker whenever she was out of her chair or bed. She rejected those options and chose to stay at the AL facility, not wanting to leave her hometown. The man came out of the elevator with Mom on my next visit. The director said someone dropped the ball, & she would fix it. Sure. Earlier this year, Mom, with no lifeline pendant on, had a very bad fall & wasn’t found for 8 hrs. She broke her hip and barely survived surgery. She has been unable to walk unassisted since then. Her forgetfulness was diagnosed as Alzheimer’s about this time. She was discharged to skilled care at a SNF. She was doing well & making progress in therapy, but once that ran out, she got set in a chair all day and wheeled to meals. In her care plan it said they were walking her to every meal. It’s so easy to fabricate documentation. Mom told me one of the older aides who wears a lot of makeup was really rough with her & would throw her into her recliner when she was brought back from meals. She said the aide called her lazy & screamed at her to hurry up when going to the toilet. Her light is sometimes not answered for an hour & she’s left to wet her clothing. I contacted my niece. She talked to the DON. The aide was fired. My niece thought Mom should be on hospice. I asked what her terminal diagnosis was & she didn’t know. My sister & my niece signed Mom up for Hospice in spite of my objections. I went to visit her 2 weeks later & she was next to comatose; I couldn’t wake her for 5 1/2 hrs. The hospice nurse came in & I asked about Mom’s state. She talked about the dying process & Mom was in the later stages. Yet 4 weeks earlier she was up for 3 hours at a restaurant and knew all 38 people at her birthday party. Later the floor nurse said she’d given Mom Ativan & Morphine together!! Mom weighs 96#. I told the DON I didn’t realize Hospice was what euthanasia was called now. They’ve backed off on the meds & Mom’s been alert. She has no pain! I’ve spent the past year dealing with breast cancer, having had 5 surgeries, so I don’t think I can physically take Mom to my home anymore. I don’t know what to do. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like this!