Dad has an aneurysm in stomach size of softball. Have called in Hospice for dad, he also has dementia. Mom wants to do whatever dad wants but he is not himself anymore. She doesn't want to make decisions about his life. He is at home with mom and I feel guilty for not being there more for her. My husband is having memory problems that he won't go to the dr. about. He says he is fine but he really isn't. I believe he had a stroke in April and he hasn't been to the dr about it. Feeling torn, wanting to be there for mom but my husband doesn't want to leave home much. How do I be there for mom but still be here for husband? Feeling guilty but my health isn't good and I feel pulled in different directions between here and mom's. Just needed someone to talk to. Thank you and God Bless!
I've been in that same spot, that no matter where I am and no matter what I am working on, I feel guilty that I am not in the other place with the other person or working on something else and it is not a happy way to live.
Now for the big question: with all the time and energy you put into this, can you tend to your own health at all? Would your setting a better example help anyone else to do the same?
Your husband could have something that is totally treatable. He's being foolish to "assume" it's the worst case scenario and he can't handle the truth. And he's putting you in a bad place. I'd have a hard time keeping my mouth shut about that one. He needs to get his you-know-what to the doctor. What would he tell you if the roles were reversed and you were living your life on the couch?
What is the worst thing that would happen if you went to your Dad's and told your husband you are going to spend time with your Dad because he is dying, and your mother is wearing herself out with caregiving, and you can't really help him if he won't help himself anyway? (But you CAN help your mom not have to fight this whole battle alone...and you CAN be with them when the time comes.) Versus, what is the worst thing that will happen if you stay home, feeling torn, and nothing changes?
I'm going to pray that you find the strength to abandon your comfort zone and make a move. God wants us to find our strength in times like these - even strength you do not know you have.