Mom is 101, living alone in Virginia. If I move her to live with my wife and I in North Carolina, what impact will it have on the benefits/services to which she is entitled?

Hmfitts, I wouldn't move Mom out of her area. She is use to being where she is. and when she watches/listens to the local news, she can be familiar with the anchors presenting the news and the locations they are speaking about. Plus she is use to her doctors, etc.

Rather look for an Assisted Living facility in her area where she can around people of her generation. My Dad was in his 90's when he moved to senior living, just two miles from his previous location. He loved the facility, and had wished he would have moved there earlier on.

I agree with FreqFlyer on not moving your Mom from where she is currently unless she is unhappy where she is.
That said, as far as costs there is really no way we as the general public can know what costs would be incurred overall. It is up to you to research all that, and we sure wish you luck as some of us had to do it with our own elders. If Mom is currently on medicaid do research the program in your own state as compared to the state where she currently resides. There will be costs in moving, and difficulties with the moving of someone this elderly.
Sure wish you luck in your decision.

Do not do this. Period. We tried moving my grandmother to live with my parents when she was quite old and a bit confused but not dementia - she was grounded as to time and place. It lasted a week before she was so confused she had no idea where she was, who we were, that she wasn't visiting her long dead aunt, that her husband (who had been dead for about 50 years) wasn't coming home from work soon..... You get the picture. Once she was no longer in any place where she felt grounded she deteriorated very, very quickly. Luckily her other daughter came and got her and returned her to previous area, although not to her home, and she was able to return to her previous, confused but not demented, state. There was something about the trip, the change, the new doctors, etc that just set up a cycle that was awful. Now, your actual question was about benefits which I can't answer but I do know that every state and locality has somewhat different services available so check carefully before you make any move. Go to your area on aging to get the official information and don't just take the advice of us well-meaning random strangers.

I also vote against moving 101 year old mom for all the reasons others have suggest, and there are more that haven’t even been listed. You’re trying to do the right thing for her but you have no idea what you’re in for.

I recently moved my parents out of Virginia. They are only in their early 80’s so I’m sure there are many different factors than there would be if they had been 101. That said, the biggest impact on benefits/services was that their current Health Insurance plan would not cover them in the new state. Once that was changed to a plan that would cover them in the new state, the biggest hurdle has been finding (and getting an appointment) doctors and specialists. We have been working diligently on this and it is going to be 10 months before we’ve finally gotten in to see every doctor they have needed. Still waiting on an Audiologist and they can’t get in until October. It has been a very difficult and drawn-out experience.

Benefits and services? Oh, that is the least of your worries if you move her in with you.

There is a reason people are telling you to not do this. Hundreds of people on this board thought they could do home care too, and now they are exhausted, broken mentally (and physically) and wish someone had warned them.

Kindly consider:

-Any sort of schedule you have now will be out the window. 

-Can you lift her every day? 

-You may need an aide. Are you okay with workers (strangers) in your house?

-Can you handle multiple toilet visits, butt wiping, diarrhea, bed urine, and getting her undressed/dressed? Multiple times a day, and night too? She may not be incontinent now, but it’s likely going to happen.

-Are you able to help bathing?

-Are your toilets, bathtubs, etc handicap-ready? Will her bed have safety rails? Are meds stored safely? 

-There will be no more dinners out, no vacations. Friends and family will say to call if you need anything, but you'll find almost none will volunteer to stay with her if you want or need time out. 

-When do you plan to get things like errands and grocery shopping done? 

-If she worsens, how will you handle the medical needs? If she keeps you up at night, how do you plan to handle work the next day?

- If you get sick, injured, or compromised, what plan do you have for her care?

-If she is living alone at this age, she may have a stubborn streak where she wants to be in HER home and do things her way. Moving her in to YOUR home may be a struggle. Because while you think she is “home” with you, she feels like she isn’t home at all. Having just a bedroom and bathroom is much different than having your own home.

I've said before that people think they can "love their way" through caregiving. That love will be enough to sustain their energy and will. It isn't. Most on here loved their elder dearly and wanted to care for them. They had to place their elder to save both of their lives.

And yes, 101 is quite elderly, but I know of someone who made it to 106. It’s not as uncommon as it used to be! Can you do this for several years?

If you're bound and determined to move her to your house, certainly no one can stop you. Just go into this with open eyes and KNOW what you are taking on.

If my mother was living alone (at home, I'm assuming?), I can see why you'd want to move her. That's your decision, and only you know whether to do it or not.

In terms of services, I'd scope it all out in advance of her move to be on top of things. I know that when I merely moved my mother to a different county here in Southern California, it messed up her insurance for a month. Apparently we were to notify the insurance company that she was moving by the 20th of the month before she moved in order to have her primary physician changed to one in the new location. Since we made the decision to move her on July 2 and moved her July 5, she had to have her old primary on the records until August 1.

In that time she had to have a move-in physical with the new facility's doctor, and on Day 3 she had her first-ever fall and managed to bonk her head to the tune of 27 stitches and 12 hours in the hospital. The insurance covered everything except the physical, which cost us about $110.

All in all, that month with the old doctor didn't really have a significant effect on her care, but do check with her insurance to see when they require you to notify them of a change before the change will take effect.

So start looking at AL places near you to scope out feasibility. If you are on the border check out to see if there are savings. I know that SC costs a little less. You can change her Medicare address but if on Advantage, you can re enroll immediatly after she moves. Just check out plans by finding a Medicare rep near where she lives. Next will be finding new doctors.
Consider, once finding a place, there may be a wait time to get her in. If she is renting in VA then there might be a notification of moving.
The biggest advantage is she will be close by for any emergencies such as closing a residence up north if she needs full time care.

My experience: I spent a few weeks in SC doing research prior to my moving from MA. My mom was wait listed for 6 weeks. I put in a 60 day notice as was in her AL contract. She could have stayed longer beyond the 60 days but everything worked out fine. I moved to SC first and was given 3 weeks to get her to her new place. I flew back to MA to make arrangements for furniture moving and what to get rid of. By the next 30 days, her insurance was changed and a new doctor was found under the new insurance terms.

A better question to ask is, if you move a 101 year old mother in with your wife and yourself, what impact will it have on YOUR LIVES! 😑
Look into Assisted Living close by to your home and getting her Medicare program transferred to your state instead.

Hmfitts, what's your wife's opinion on the possibility of your Mother living in?

It can be a quick route to being a single man, just saying..

What is the quality of care in North Carolina versus where she now lives? That can be a big factor. Like with Medicaid for example, since it's governed independently with some federal guidelines, states have a great deal of flexibility in designing and administering their programs. The services she has available to her in Virginia may not be the same as what's available in North Carolina. I think the first step for you is to make a pro and con list of services available in Virginia versus the services available in North Carolina. Using that information to make an assessment before you make a decision about whether to move her.

From your profile: "We are looking at the option of having full in-home care or moving my mother to an assisted living facility."

What is her financial situation? Are you aware of how much AL or full-time care costs?

That is a question you should ask the agencies/companies in Virginia about the benefits she is already receiving first. Then go to the same agency/company providing similar benefits in NC. The resources providing the benefits is the only place the correct answer can come from, that is if you get a qualified rep... if in doubt ask for a supervisor.

If she is not already receiving them, be sure to ask about Spousal Veteran Benefits if her husband was a veteran.

Get connected with a local social worker in North Carolina to discuss this. Each state/locality has different levels of benefits for seniors.

I have found with the elders in my Church, that moving them hastened their passing. I live in NJ and one of Moms friends agreed to move to Vegas to live with a daughter by car. She had a stroke on the way. Another man Toby lived alone in his little house surrounded by Church neighbors. (very close neighborhood) He was still very active in the Church doing what he could. He was talked into moving in with daughter in another State, he passed within the year. Same neighborhood, Mr R lost his wife in their 80s. He moved in with son somewhere in the South. He lasted 2 yrs but told me on a visit home that he was very bored living with son since son worked. No familiar Church, no familiar people. Hard to make friends when ur 80 yrs old. These people I mention all went to the same Church, as neighbors, always there to help each other. Oh, Mr. K, he was 102 when he passed. His daughter was living in Cal, retired and moved back home buying a house right next to Dad. I think this is why he lived to be 102. He had his longtime neighbors (at least 60 yrs), his Church he attended regularly and his family living close by.

Mom is 101, God Bless her. Not saying you need to move where she is but leave her where she is. The Elderly do not adjust well to change. Find options for her care.

Hmfitts: Perhaps moving your 101 year old mother in with you would have an impact on your LIVES, of course. Maybe she could be suited for managed care facility living. Nonetheless, if she moves to your state, her health benefits could be transferred.

She’s 101???? Omg so how old are you & your wife???
And how are you yourself & your wife faring for being all 100% able to go and do on your own in your own home? What kind of existing health concerns do you & wife have….. really truly realistically what’s your living situation? & this b4 even thinking on having 101 mom with you or you taking on responsibility for her even if she goes into a NH?

Ok on “what she is entitled to”, there are only 2, possibly 3, things she is “entitled” to: MediCARE and a Social Security benefit. And VA benefit if deceased hubs was a Vet or she was.
SSA is fixed $ no matter where she lives. May need to change banks.
MediCARE dependent on if on Original Medicare & whatever secondary health insurance she gets to go with her Original. Original is portable so will work in VA or NC for Part A, but Part B probably will not (unless part B high option FEHIB) so she will need to find a new Part B.
If she is on MediCARE Advantage plan those are completely tied into a provider network in her city or region and if not it’s all out of network serious $$$ costs. She will have to find new Medicare Advantage plan in NC. If she was to move in with you, easiest would be to have her switch to whatever MediCARE system you & wf use. & hopefully your providers take new pts. Good luck on that.

Other programs, like facility based Medicaid, PACE type of day programs, inhome care, are all “at need” for eligibility for residents of a State. Not entitlements per se. She would need to apply to and show documentation for being “at need” for a specific program. Most states do “at need” both medically and financially for a program.

Medical at need tends to be determined via a needs assessment on elder along with review of health & hospitalization charts & medications. I would imagine any good NH or AL will want to see a recent assessment on your 101 yr old mom. I’d suggest that you try to get one done now on her while still in VA. If she’s in a facility, the DON should know an outside contractor who does these. If she’s still living in her home, the Area on Aging should have a list of SW who do them.

Financial “at need” is on her & you as her POA to provide & could be 5 years on all banking & financial & property records. If you are not POA, she better be competent & cognitive to be able to do this in front of an elder law atty in NC. Otherwise you will need to go to court for guardianship.

it’s going to be lots of work & $ to do any of this. If she is not somewhat cognitive, still relatively healthy and reasonably easy going compliant to do what others ask, it will be a nightmare.

Imo only way this is ever simple is IF she has a ton of $$$$ AND is already totally private pay in a facility that has a sister facility in your city that can meet her assessed level of care needed. Like what Brookdale or what Omega Healthcare has; so the facility takes care of all things necessary (& charges $ for) for her to move out & be transported with an aide she already knows to a facility in the new state & then mom moves into the sister facility and the old aide stays with her a couple of days to help her settle. Seriously do-able & serious $ to do.

if your wf has her own elder family to deal with, realize those are likely her priority first & foremost, not your mom……just sayin’

Problems, problems, and more problems. Obviously you love her, but this idea will likely leave you with zero time to show it. My advice is to get her placed in the best facility you can find near her home or, if she or you have the $, arrange for 24 hour care at home through a reputable agency. If you go through with this it will take a zillion hours of planning and a lot of expense to make legal changes and living arrangements. This is not the path you want to take. Listen to the people on this board and don’t minimize their good advice. Most of us are already living with the problems you could still avoid.

Do what you feel is best.

Ask local representatives for Medicare for quotes on plans and info about local services