My parents were married almost 40 years. They shared a business and had a strong relationship. My mom was always an example of a strong independent woman. Since my dad died in 2020 my mom has been on every dating website there is, she has been dating manipulative and borderline abusive men. She never reaches out to me or my sisters, and is really self-absorbed. She lost a ton of weight and now judges me for carrying extra weight after having had my kids. I miss how she used to care for me, didn't judge, and checked in on us. I miss her strength and friendship. I feel like I don't even know her anymore. What can I do?
If she was a good, supportive, active, involved wife and mother, she may have felt somewhat squeezed out of being just a person in her own right.
Another thought- most adolescents rebel against “judgement”- could you and you mother be experiencing a bit of a throwback to adolescence yourselves, together?
Your mom probably doesn't want to spend the rest of her life alone and quite frankly, I don't blame her.
Time for you to stop leaning on her strength and go get friends that are your peers. That way you won't miss her so much.
She is entitled to her life as a grown woman. Try to support her in her life more and see if that doesn't improve the relationship a bit. I bet it does.
You are a mom now, time to grow up and not depend on care and check ups from your mom to prop you up.
You may just need to let Mom do her thing. Hopefully, she will see its not taking her anywhere.
Thinking back, there were a whole bunch of things that made it seem like Mom had done a 180.
My mother’s house was filthy.
She became paranoid.
She lost her filter/was saying things that were extremely uncharacteristic.
And on, and on.
Can you take a trip to see your Mom to get a lay of the land, and check on her in person?