Hi, gees feel like a regular on here but just need to vent . My mom's urine smells really bad like fish sometimes and she sits in her dirty diaper smelling up the house even when she goes to the toilet her poo smells like something crawled up her butt and died? Grant you everyone's poo smells but hers is like death even when the door is closed. She is diabetic and has heart problems extremely verbally abusive, falls a lot and has memory loss plus hallucinates every now and then and doesn't keep her doctor appointments. Now she was checked for dementia years ago but they claim she didn't have it, but I really think she should be checked again. I'm looking into getting a place with my boyfriend and thinks she is going to go to but I told her she can't and needs professional help. Honesty she is more in need of a nursing home in my opinion because of her declining health she also can barely walk and can't dress herself and needs assistance with bathing. Its honestly sad because if she was a nicer person people or her kids would want to take her in but she is so bad that even her friends ignore her plus my other siblings don't want nothing to do with her . A part of me feels guilty because I'm looking for a way out. My mom has helped me in the past and I'm grateful for it but the abuse is getting out of control that I just want to get away and don't want to look back! Oh she plays the part in front of the doctors like everything is all good all her kids are bad she is a victim grant you the eldest sister did steal from her years ago and its funny cause that's the one who won't lift a finger for her and she is the golden child a whole nother subject but what does it take to wake the doctors up to see she isn't all there!
Why does she sit in a dirty undergarment? Is she just not changing it? It should be treated like underwear. If it becomes soiled in any way it ought to be changed.
But that genuinely is not the reason. This is the real reason: she needs more support than she can get in a standard domestic setting, even the loving one that you have provided so far.
The proof of this is that in spite of everything you have tried to do for her, she is currently suffering from: self-neglect; plus I would be very surprised if she *didn't* have a raging urinary tract infection which will only get worse and could cause permanent kidney damage if it isn't seen to; plus you have reason to suspect that there is a potentially serious problem with her gut; on top of which she has serious chronic conditions that require professional monitoring.
It's very difficult for her doctor to intervene or make recommendations if she won't go to her appointments, but until she's been examined and proved otherwise she is assumed to be a consenting adult and you can't make her go. You're stuck in a Catch-22. You need another ally. Call your local Area Agency on Aging, explain that you are moving and you are concerned about your mother's living situation, and ask them to come and do a wellness check. Her refusal - or more likely inability - to understand the risks she is taking with her health, plus the mental problems you've noted to do with her abusiveness and hallucinations, mean that she is vulnerable and deserves their concern; so with a bit of fast talking you should be able to get her onto their radar.
Your mother won't like it. You will have not to worry about that - this is for her benefit, and it's important, and she'll just have to lump it.
Get your mother to a doctor. Since your mother is a diabetic, she may be prone to a urinary tract infection. If so, they'll come often. Mom's doc has a standing order that if I think Mom's has a UTI (because of the urine smell and she gets REAL confused), the doc's office supplied me with those plastic urine catchers for the toilet, I pour the urine into a sample bottle, and deliver it to the lab. Now, I catch any UTI early. Good luck.
Another reason is that certain prescription medications, and even over the counter items, can cause a strong smell. Have the doctor check the list of ALL meds that she is taking.
AZO makes over the counter pills for a variety of situations, and i found they work pretty good for myself. But check with your Mom's doctor first.