My mom has severe paranoia dementia I have just moved her from a facility 40 minutes away to a facility very close to home, where she lived for 5 years (with me) before going to assisted living memory care. Now that she knows she is close to home, she wants to come see the house and see our dogs. She has the type of dementia where she is always complaining. Always upset at me. Always accusing me of ridiculous things. I’ve gotten used to it. But bringing her to her house she used to live in makes me nervous. I am not sure I can handle it emotionally and not sure what to do when she refuses to leave, which I expect will happen. I love my mom so much and will care for her always. I want to be able to bring her home for holidays and visits. But she is not easy to be around. I can only take 1-2 hours at a time. Does anyone have suggestions how to allow her to come see the house and visit without her throwing a fit when it’s time to go back to the facility ? Any tactics I can use or ways to get her back to her facility? All I can think of is to tell her we need to go for a ride or let’s go get ice cream or something like that. My heart breaks for her every day but I am one person doing this alone.
Bringing her home isn't going to make HER happy.
Bringing her home isn't going to make YOU happy.
In fact it will almost certainly make it all worse, so why try it.
It is indeed sad to see. It is very painful to stand witness to seeing a loved one lose everything that makes them who they are. All body functions go. The mind and memory go. And what is left is simply a torment. I am so sorry.
Let this be, forget about it. Just respond "I will think about it".
There will be many Holiday events at the facility she is at, you can visit her sometime during the holidays, why bring this toxic person into your home and spread her misery around to others?
No reason for heartbreak, she is safe, has people 24/7 activities and so much more, go about living your life, not trying to live hers.
My mom has been in NH for 2 1/2 years now. She has dementia & is insulin diabetic. I have been painfully guilty of being in your situation…yes the guilt is awful….there are many holidays that I’d love to have mom join us at home, or just a normal day to spend together. The truth is my mom would definitely be difficult in this situation. So instead, I pick her up and take her to a restaurant or park to see a band playing, movies, for ice cream etc. She knows she has to go back to the nh. Repeatedly tell her she IS home and the wonderful care they take of her so you can continue to have time together. We’re all in this together. The first generation at our age to have to take care of our parents.
Take car of yourself. Dementia changes like a roller coaster. All the best to you!