So, the hospital sent Mom home. We tried our darndest.
Anyway, we've tried soooo many different medications. She'll wake up to go to the bathroom... and then think it's morning and just try to stay up. Do I just leave her alone and let her sleep whenever she sleeps? Dh and I are sleeping in shifts. He works from home during the day, so I stay up until he's awake for the day.
There are some serious childhood trauma issues going on and it's a huge struggle.
Still can't reply to threads, but I appreciate your help.
Black out shades or curtains create a better sleep environment.
I would say, Yes, leave her alone to sleep whenever she sleeps.
You can try and gradually shift her sleep schedule to more closely match your own, with medications to help her sleep at night, and by waking her during the day. But, if she is waking to go to the bathroom, then can't or won't go back to sleep, I don't think there's much you can do to change that.
You could try giving her something to sleep soundly throughout the night, and have her in a diaper for overnight.
Sorry if this is unhelpful. You don't mention her condition or why you are staying awake all night with her. I found Trazodone was very helpful in getting my husband to sleep better at night. Also, reducing any agitation in the evening, if she is 'sundowning'. Keep her routine consistent, no surprises, and keep the drapes closed before the sun goes down, and keep the rooms well lit to reduce agitation. Talk to her doctor about an anti anxiety medication, such as ativan.
The more relaxed she is before bed, the better she will sleep.
You mention the hospital sent her home. Was she living with you before her hospitalization? Do you want her living with you, and to be her full time caregiver? You also mention childhood trauma which seems to be causing added challenges for you.
Have you considered moving her to a care home? There, caregivers work in shifts to cover 24 hours a day.
You and your husband sleeping in shifts does not sound sustainable long term.
It is disruptive your your home life, trying to take care of your mother's needs full time, especially if you harbor any resentment.
The next time she is hospitalized, don't bring her back to your home. The hospital can transfer her to a short term Rehab nursing facility, and to long term care from there, if appropriate.
If you feel obligated (or for whatever reason, culture, maybe?) to have her continue to live with you, then please at least look into hiring trained aides to come in and help. If money is a barrier, see if she qualifies for Medicaid, which will help with home care or nursing home care.
I wish you well. You can post another question to give updates, if you are not able to reply to threads.
OTC Melatonin might help.
PLEASE do not use any of the "PM' medications that are sold for sleep. Most will make her sort of "brain foggy" and with dementia the brain is already foggy enough.
This is not sustainable for you or your husband.
Spend down her assets. Get her on a list of every facility that accepts Medicaid. Some will take a resident with Medicaid Pending.