All I get are criticisms, demands, and orders barked at me. Yet she gets all teary eyed over the least bit of attention from other members of the family who frankly do squat on a daily basis. They breeze in and out with high minded wisdom and a light lift.
I food shop for her every week, take care of all her meds and med organization, her doctor appointments , chauffeuring her around and I manage he house....though I don't live there. I manage the people who do her lawn, irrigation, pest control etc. I'm sick of her life. Not that she lives but that I have no life of my own.
She has one his come one day a week for three hours.
So I do her personal laundry as well as put put her trash and recycling each week. Lets not forget beauty appointments and regular shopping.
Just tell your mother that your efforts to help her clearly aren't making her happy, because all she does is criticize, so you are going to step back and she can hire people to do those chores for her. Seriously.
Contact some senior care agencies and give her the brochures. Set up an account for her to order her food and have it delivered. If she doesn't go online, one of her hired caregivers can help her. Give her a list of the phone numbers of her doctors. Give her the phone numbers of the agencies that provide transportation for seniors in your area. Give her the phone numbers for the lawn, irrigation, and pest control companies. Set up an Amazon account for her regular shopping. Put the uber app on her phone if you think she can handle it.
Then say goodbye and go create an enjoyable life for yourself. You are worthy and you deserve it. Keep us posted on how it goes.
Good luck to you.
We basically tell people who we are. If we behave as slaves then we will be treated as though this is our choice, and treated as the slaves we proclaim ourselves to be.
It's time to tell Mom exactly what in future you will help with and what you will NOT be helping with. That is rule one. Rule two is the amount of notice you need. Rule three is that YOU will let HER know when you don't wish to take on certain needs; when you do so she will have to manage to find other help.
Again, this is YOURS to handle as an adult handles adult decisions.
We have found an assisted living center for mom.
What care does your mother NEED?
You do a lot for her according to your post, does she NEED that much help or are you doing things for her that can could do?
Groceries can be ordered and delivered.
As to "managing the house" if that is more than she can handle and more than you can you have 2 options.
Mom hires someone to do what she can't or won't do .
or
Mom considers moving to an AL facility (If she is cognizant, if not Memory Care)
If mom starts in on you, yelling, criticizing what you are doing LEAVE if you are with her. If you are on the phone HANG UP. If you are out you say we have to leave and you bring her home No discussion.
This is if mom is cognizant. If she isn't then I stand by my belief that a person that has dementia should not be living alone and she should be in Memory Care or she should have full time caregivers.
Next time she complains about something you did that was not up to her standards tell her you will stop and she is free to find someone else to do the chore. And do that every time she complains about something. Before long you load will be a lot lighter.
I especially hated when my sister (who resigned her caregiving duties when our mother threw her walker at her in a fit of rage because she couldn't do food shopping on Thursday like she promised) would come for a visit. I couldn't say I blamed her for walking out but I felt like the hired help when she visited.
You have to decide if you want to continue to do what you are doing. I chose to continue, some days I wonder why I did but I did.
Then I said enough and that's it. I refuse to take care of her and I refuse to meet any of her needs. She knows what her choices are. It's make it work with homecare or it will be a nursing home. It may yet be a nursing home because there's a limit to what homecare provides.
I really think this is the choices you should give your mother.
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