If Mom is incapacitated or a medical decision is needed, what will we have to do to make decisions and/or gain access to her money to pay her expenses. If she passed, can we sell her house? She wrote a will herself and had it notarized. I think everything’s split between 4 kids but I haven’t seen it. Her husband just passed. Thank
If incapacitated it will likely come through a medical issue. If your Mom is hospitalized the Social Services will contact next of kin and help with an application by phone to a judge of "emergency temporary guardianship". This can be made permanent guardianship with the court eventually. The guardian will then direct all legal, billing, financial, health issues while Mom cannot do so. If there is no hospitalization and Mom is in unsafe circumstances and still alone, a call to APS with help with these same matters.
The best thing this family could do for Mom this Christmas is to pay for her to have the services of a trust and estate attorney to set up durable POA, an Advance Medical Directive, a will, and a trust. The attorney will go over all the items with her, will explain that the POAs don't go into effect until she's incapable of handling her affairs, and will help her protect her assets while she's still alive.
She may just be overwhelmed by the immensity of it all, so help her by getting her to an attorney.
I encouraged my MIL to get her affairs in order about 15 years ago. She did, but only b/c I think I terrified her that her 3 kids couldn't just split things 3 ways--there was nothing to state that's what she wanted.
Just found out (among with my many, many mis-steps with this woman) that she felt I was trying to manipulate her into leaving ME 1/3 of her estate. She did make the will, but I am not to receive ANYTHING. So, when DH receives his inheritance, somehow I am not to benefit from it.
People are so weird.
She has DH and his older brother as POA's and told him she lives in 'deathly fear' everyday that he and his brother will throw her in a ratty nursing home. DH said if she felt that way, to change her will to make sure her only daughter is in charge.
https://law.lis.virginia.gov/vacode/title64.2/chapter2/section64.2-403/
I admire someone with your mother's strength and tenacity. For the time being, I would think in terms of insuring (to the best of your ability) that the will is valid, and that whatever other actions she's taken are, to the best of her ability, actually benefitting her.
You might also gather data on the house and her finances just in case something does happen and you have to step up.
An example: if you don't have access to the house legal description and any potential encumbrances, ask the county recorder's office to help you get a legal description, then get copies of the deed to her home, any and all encumbrances, and or documents of records .
If there's a mortgage, you'll at least know who the mortgagee (lender) is. If the mortgagee has assigned the mortgage, that would be recorded as well. If anything happens that she can't make mortgage payments, you can contact the mortgagee, provide ID verifying you're her daughter, and get information on payments to ensure the mortgage doesn't go into default.
And you can ask if she needs any assistance or research that you could do? I think working with her at this point will yield more positive results than pursuing a course of action requiring delegation. She's just not ready to do that, unfortunately, but be prepared for that time to come.
I think that, given your father's death, she may feel the need to ensure herself of her ability to carry on w/o him. That's not surprising. And as an alternative to "what do I do now???" approach, of anxiety and possibly fear of being on her own, even though she has you and your brothers, she's attempting to structure her life to do that, be on her own and make her own decisions. Kudos to her for that confidence and initiative!
Another thought though is a DPOA that limits authority to specific issues, rather than something very broad in nature.
Sometimes something happens to an elder and it suddenly becomes "wake-up time", and the need for supportive documentation becomes critical very quickly. You might think in those terms, and plan various courses, i.e., how to get guardianship ( which I wouldn't recommend not only b/c of the cost but because you might not be the chosen guardian), storage sites for her financial information (lock box), etc.
In fact, you might get her a fireproof lock box and make a duplicate key before giving it to her. It's kind of sneaky, but it's a good way to provide access to data you need.
I finally got Dad's attention when I had to use what is called a "therapeutic fib" by saying that the way their Will was written, that the State would get half of their assets. IT WORKED!! Dad had me set up an appointment with an Elder Law Attorney. Whew !! What a relief that was.
Later down the road, my Mom had passed and Dad decided it was time for him to move to senior living. And it was time to sell the house. I remember when I presented the financial Power of Attorney to the Title Company [in case my Dad didn't want to be at settlement], the Company was glad that the POA had the full address of my parent's house listed. That one sentence was soooo very important.
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