Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
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I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
We need more information. Where is she now? Is she living / residing with family? in a facility?
How you respond to her depends on the severity to a degree. You do not want to set up an argument ... she says she isn't allowed to... you tell her she is ... she says no again.
Tell her I love you with all my heart. I'll see what I can do. I enjoy living with you. I am here now and enjoy our time together.
Try whatever works knowing that it is momentary. She will revert back to her confusion.
Best to focus on 'I love you' and some non-verbal (smiling, a hug, a hand massage) - Divert her attention.
There has to be more to this story. Did her family move in with her and she wants you all to leave? Does she need to have family (or someone) living with her to care for her? Who does she think won't allow it?
Ktolliver, does mother remember who you are? If she knows you're her daughter, maybe you can tell her you're working for an agency that allows you to care for her now? That it's no problem. Come up with a story that sounds believable so she will let go of the idea that family members are not allowed to live with her. Find out "who it is" that's not allowing it, and then you can come up with a plan to dissolve that idea in her mind.
I can assure you that not all caregivers hate taking care of their beloved family members. I took care of my Mother with cancer for many years and my Father with dementia for even longer. Was it challenging at times? Yes. Do I wish they had gone to a nursing home? No! The time spent with elderly parents can be wonderful (even with bad diseases) if you have a loving heart and good health yourself. It is surely not for everyone, but that does not mean that it is not for everyone. I will never regret taking care of my loving parents. I had burnout at times, and sacrificed with the fact that I could not do everything I wanted at all times, but that is just what you do for loved ones when you are willing and able. You just need to figure out is it something you are willing to do, and figure out ways to make it work. We did all kinds of fun things together, even with the illnesses. My parents know they were loved, and Our extra time together was so worth it. There are always lots of choices for people when it comes to aging parents, but please don’t let the negative, haters on this site scare you that just because they hated caregiving, that you will feel the same way. I am proof that that is not true. I enjoyed cutting their hair, nails, watching movies together, shopping (even with the wheelchair), trips to parks, picnics, eating at restaurants, crafts, ect…. The showering, laundry, medications, diapering, trips to doctors, hospitals, etc… are just part of life. Only you can decide if your parents are worth it, or if you are able to do it. If not, there are plenty of other options.
This is a good way for you to help transition her to a memory care facility. Let her know her new home will be comfortable and she will get to make new friends. Make it into an adventure for her.
You tell her that she needs to go to a lovely care facility where there will be great food, entertainment, outings and friends. You thereby save some family member from the misery of home caregiving your mom.
Read some of the posts from this site that will show you how family caregivers bravely and naively tackle the task of taking care of a dementia-patient loved one at home. Bone-weary caregivers come here wanting out of the family gig because they've lost their own sanity along the way. Like when mom wanders outside and ends up on a major highway. Or dad pees in every floor vent in the house. Or keeps the household awake all night every night screaming or wailing. I'm not making this up.
Take the out that mom's giving you and find her a wonderful place where professionals will care for her with kindness and long experience with her type of dementia.
"Oh but MY mom wouldn't do any of those things and we love her so much we can't let her go to one of those horrible places!" Yes, she would. And yes, you could. And they are not horrible. They are a godsend to families who find it unsustainable to take care of relatives at home. There's no shame in admitting that you are not a professional and cannot provide the services at home. Go visit some memory care facilities before you make your lifetime commitment to take care of mom at home. You may be glad you did.
You tell her what you need to in order to make sure she is safe. You tell her what you need to in order to make her less anxious and upset. Is she living with you, or you with her or is she living alone??? You can tell her that she is with you, or you are with her for "a little while" If she is living alone that has to change. If Memory Care facility is an option that removes the "living with family" out of the equation.
It is very possible that what is in her mind is that she never wanted to have to rely on family members to care for her. (and I get it if that is the case I would not want a family member to have to care for me)
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Where is she now?
Is she living / residing with family? in a facility?
How you respond to her depends on the severity to a degree.
You do not want to set up an argument ... she says she isn't allowed to... you tell her she is ... she says no again.
Tell her I love you with all my heart.
I'll see what I can do.
I enjoy living with you.
I am here now and enjoy our time together.
Try whatever works knowing that it is momentary.
She will revert back to her confusion.
Best to focus on 'I love you' and some non-verbal (smiling, a hug, a hand massage) - Divert her attention.
Gena / Touch Matters
Did her family move in with her and she wants you all to leave?
Does she need to have family (or someone) living with her to care for her?
Who does she think won't allow it?
I took care of my Mother with cancer for many years and my Father with dementia for even longer. Was it challenging at times? Yes. Do I wish they had gone to a nursing home? No! The time spent with elderly parents can be wonderful (even with bad diseases) if you have a loving heart and good health yourself. It is surely not for everyone, but that does not mean that it is not for everyone. I will never regret taking care of my loving parents. I had burnout at times, and sacrificed with the fact that I could not do everything I wanted at all times, but that is just what you do for loved ones when you are willing and able. You just need to figure out is it something you are willing to do, and figure out ways to make it work. We did all kinds of fun things together, even with the illnesses. My parents know they were loved, and Our extra time together was so worth it.
There are always lots of choices for people when it comes to aging parents, but please don’t let the negative, haters on this site scare you that just because they hated caregiving, that you will feel the same way. I am proof that that is not true. I enjoyed cutting their hair, nails, watching movies together, shopping (even with the wheelchair), trips to parks, picnics, eating at restaurants, crafts, ect…. The showering, laundry, medications, diapering, trips to doctors, hospitals, etc… are just part of life.
Only you can decide if your parents are worth it, or if you are able to do it. If not, there are plenty of other options.
Read some of the posts from this site that will show you how family caregivers bravely and naively tackle the task of taking care of a dementia-patient loved one at home. Bone-weary caregivers come here wanting out of the family gig because they've lost their own sanity along the way. Like when mom wanders outside and ends up on a major highway. Or dad pees in every floor vent in the house. Or keeps the household awake all night every night screaming or wailing. I'm not making this up.
Take the out that mom's giving you and find her a wonderful place where professionals will care for her with kindness and long experience with her type of dementia.
"Oh but MY mom wouldn't do any of those things and we love her so much we can't let her go to one of those horrible places!" Yes, she would. And yes, you could. And they are not horrible. They are a godsend to families who find it unsustainable to take care of relatives at home. There's no shame in admitting that you are not a professional and cannot provide the services at home. Go visit some memory care facilities before you make your lifetime commitment to take care of mom at home. You may be glad you did.
You tell her what you need to in order to make her less anxious and upset.
Is she living with you, or you with her or is she living alone???
You can tell her that she is with you, or you are with her for "a little while"
If she is living alone that has to change. If Memory Care facility is an option that removes the "living with family" out of the equation.
It is very possible that what is in her mind is that she never wanted to have to rely on family members to care for her. (and I get it if that is the case I would not want a family member to have to care for me)