She is living with my sis in law in a different time zone for past 10 months and returns to US in 10 days where she had lived with us for over 20 yrs. She keeps getting in arguments with her daughter and her son in Pakistan and complaining against them to my husband- he gets burnt out listening to her complaining and sorting out their issues and then he doesn’t share with me and unfortunately also stiffens up with me - i am tired of his relationship with his mother and siblings affecting my husband’s relationship with me…
Now you have decisions to make.
Has your husband ever considered turning his phone off while he sleeps? If he cannot even bring himself to do THAT, I fear you're doomed.
Good luck to you.
Does your husband not have enough sense to turn off his phone when he goes to bed and let his moms calls go to voicemail? Apparently not, so honestly I can't feel too sorry for him as he's getting what he deserves by being so stupid as to leave his phone on overnight.
And I'm guessing because he does continue to answer the phone when his mom calls that he must be a mamas boy, and that in itself is a whole other issue and one I'm guessing you knew about before you married him.
Like already said this perhaps is more of a marriage issue than a MIL issue.
I hope that when she returns to the US that she won't be once again living with you and your husband, as that just can't be healthy for you or your marriage.
Might just be time for assisted living for you MIL where she will be around other folks her own age and you and your husband can work on your marriage.
If so, figure out some reason that she can't, such as you can't have guests right now because you're being tested for XYZ disease and unable to take on more responsibility, or something. You and your husband need your own space!
If she shows up on your doorstep in the US, maybe you could go to Pakistan. The only way to have peace with this MIL is to put several oceans between you.
If your husband refuses to go to marriage counseling then I would leave it in his own hands how he will handle his mother. Make no comments. Try to be supportive; give no suggestions. Tell him you know he is capable of handling his mom's issues, and it is up to him how he chooses to do so. Tell him you hesitate to get between a mom and son. Give him a hug and move on. Certainly you can gently suggest that he may want to consider turning his phone off for some hours to give himself needed respite.
Your DH needs to learn boundaries with his family , including turning off his phone at night .
If MIL is not a citizen where you live , this is a huge problem as she gets older and needs elderly care . She would not qualify for any government help . Taking this caregiving on at home is not advisable, it would likely break up your marriage . If MIL is a citizen only in Pakistan she should stay there for her increasing elderly years.
She also could have undiagnosed dementia .
Why doesn't your husband just turn his phone off?
What is the plan for where his mother will live when she returns in ten days?
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