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Or where I went to on an errand. Time means little to him. He is impaired in many ways. However, he is able to speak lucidly & come up with his own ideas. I'm his only caregiver b/c he refuses to have an aide. He actually told the one I hired to leave! Also, he would "blow the place up" if I tried to place him in a facility.Any tips on helping him know where I am going? Whether he has eaten?

When my MIL forget if she ate (and once nearly fainted while on an outing with us) we had to transition her from her home into AL. There was no other solution. Your husband will only get worse, no matter how many ways you attempt to make it work -- and it won't work. Stop discussing plans with him. Hire an aid and tell him it's for you and therefore he can't tell her to leave or you'll leave. Don't tell him you are researching facilities. Once you make the arrangement, work with the facility to create a therapeutic fib to get him there "temporarily". Or, if he ever goes to the ER, have him transitioned directly into a facility without going home first.

You will need to do difficult but helpful things now. I wish you success, Please take care of yourself!
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Reply to Geaton777
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So many of us are in denial when faced with cognitive decline. In a quite a few cases, the overall tone is how to force a loved one to do or understand something. Arm yourself with information, not just opinions. It will give you a grim look at what's in store. Your loved one is and will be forever impaired. There's no switch to change their behavior. None.
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Reply to SrRita
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You're trying to impart reasoning to someone who’s losing these skills. Please don’t accept not having help because of his resistance. This can be a long road, and you cannot know you’ll be able to do it all alone. Hire a helper, making it clear to the helper and to husband that no firing will be tolerated or listened to as the helper is there to assist you. Offer foods at regular mealtimes and don’t argue over whether he’s eaten or not, missing some food or eating some extra won’t matter so much. Consider when the time is right for a medication is needed to help calm extreme behavior. I wish you strength and peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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He isn't safe at home now. The issue isn't that he needs to know where you are going or whether he's eaten. The issue is that you need to make sure he has 24/7 care.

He won't have an aide, you say. He told the aide to leave! He'll blow up a facility! Time to realize that he's no longer in charge. He's too sick to make decisions for himself. If you manage to get through to him where you're going or whether he's eaten, he won't remember it anyway. He won't be able to contact you where you've gone, like to the store. He won't know how. You could leave him a tray of sandwiches, but he's well into dementia, and he may end up flushing them down the toilet because he doesn't know what they are. I'm not making any of this up. It's what happens with elders who have dementia. I've been a family home caregiver for 4 of them.

Please place him soon. He won't blow the place up. That's nonsense, like a whole lot of other things he's saying to intimidate you. Time for you to take over, be firm, and do whatever you have to do to keep him safe. My guess is that he's always been the boss in your marriage. Now you're lost and afraid. The rest of your journey as a married couple is going to be hard, but you'll get through it like a lot of other people on this site.

Good luck with what you have to do. I'm so sorry.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Your husbands brain is permanently broken and there really is no way to help him remember anything. Just don't argue with him about these issues as you will never win. Instead you just go along with whatever he says, and if he wants another meal then just give him something small.
Your husband should not be left alone anymore as you never know what he may get into while you are away.
And of course you need in-home help, so next time you hire someone you tell him that they are coming to help YOU, not him. Hopefully he will be more open to that.
Your husband will only continue to get worse, so please don't hesitate to get him placed in the appropriate facility if his care gets to be too much for you, as you matter too in this equation.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Can your husband still read and process what he reads? If so, you could try leaving notes for him. But even if you do this, your husband might not be safe when alone. For example, he might read a note that says you've gone to the store, understand the note, and decide to leave your home and find you.
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Reply to Rosered6
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