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My 93 year old mother has, over the past week, been sleeping over 20 hours a day and eating less. Her voice is very weak. I take care of her 24/7.


I am concerned. Should I let her sleep? Or should I wake her to feed her? Does this mean end-of-life is starting for her?

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I'd call moms doctor tomorrow and explain what's going on. It sounds like she's at end of life now and her doctor can order a hospice evaluation for her. End of life patients are not normally hungry, but you can wake her to see if she'll eat and drink a bit for you.

This is hard, I know. I'm sorry you're dealing with such a thing and I wish you strength and Godspeed as you move forward.
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At this point what you should do is bring hospice on board. You can call them yourself or have your mothers doctor call them.
The advantage of you calling them is that you can do your research first to find the right hospice agency for your mother as they are not all created equal.
Sleeping a lot is very common at end of life, as is not eating or drinking much.
Please call hospice sooner than later. they are available to call 24/7, so you can even call them tonight so they can come out tomorrow to do an assessment on your mother.
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Given your mom's age and if there is no known illness, I would suggest looking into hospice. My mom (96) gradually ate less and was sleeping more. One thing I heard was that it was probably because of her pain...but she had pain for years so why would it change her eating and sleeping now. I asked her PCP about hospice and he said we are not there yet. I tried to move her pain clinic appointment to an earlier date...no luck. Another hospitalization and visiting nurse services led to discussions about hospice. My mom started home hospice and passed 2 weeks later. By not starting earlier, I feel we missed out on help and services that could have helped us during this difficult time. Seems it's common that hospice is brought in too late.
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she's in the process of dying
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It certainly may indicate this. The rule is sleeping longer, eating less. Until finally it is all sleep, bent into the fetal position, unable really to swallow food.
You might speak with doctor about Hospice care now. No one can tell how long this may go on and she has a right to comfortable care at the end, and you a right to help. I personally would never wake to feed or push fluid. This is a quality of life that really isn't good, and I wouldn't push to have its torments go on longer than they would.

I am so very sorry.
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I am sorry, but your mom is nearing the end very soon. Try to keep her comfortable. Keep pillows underneath her head. Ask her doctor about Hospice Care.
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No need to wake her up or to feed her. She is winding down.
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You really really really need to get hospice involved, if they are not already involved.
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Review her medications to see if something is making her sleep. Talk with her physician. Make sure it isn't depression. I have asked about medicine to make my mom hungry. Her previous doctor said it would affect her bp. He said to feed her often whatever she will eat. He said she can eat all the ice cream she will eat so we have ice cream every night. I pick up a catfish basket and a turkey dressing plate every week which she loves. Stoeffers makes some dinners she will eat: escalloped chicken, meatloaf, salsberry steak. She will eat salad with alot of ranch dressing and spaghetti cut up. Breakfast is eggs, sausage, biscuits and gravy. Lunch is banana and peanut butter sandwich sometimes with grape jelly, even though she will only eat half. Breakfast is her best meal. We have a new doctor because of the move to TN and an appointment in July. I will discuss our options. I am not giving up on my mom. She is 96. I believe that Protonix that she has been on for several years has made her groggy and have dementia. Also her hearing aids need to be checked out or get my mom new ones. Taking care of an elderly person is similar to my 2 yr old granddaughter. Best wishes to you! Wake her up!
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CareforMominTN Jun 20, 2025
Coffee! My mom wants coffee morning and afternoon. She needs caffeine. It's in all the pills for dementia.
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The end of life is starting from the day we are born.
Not to make light of your question or situation.
At 93, she is in the process of decline (as many of us would be).
Why wake her up to eat?
Is your intention to keep her alive as long as possible no matter what? or no matter the quality of her life?
If her body is telling her to sleep, listen. And ask yourself why you would consider waking her up to eat (I don't understand your reasoning).

Consider hiring a medical social worker to assist you - as this is a very difficult and sensitive time for you.

And, you need breaks. No one can work 24/7 without breaks. Get others in there to help you. Caregivers, volunteers, church contacts. You need more help / support.

Gena / Touch Matters
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Let her sleep .
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If this is a sudden change then it is not just the progression of the disease. It could be a bladder infection or some kind of infection. Check her temperature. Also, when she is awake, you may need to interact with her such as looking a picture books together. She will no longer be able to self-entertain. If it has been a gradual decline where she is sleeping more and more, then it is likely her disease reaching end stage.
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Jims64: Pose your concerns to her physician.
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I always ask my mom if she wants me to wake her at meal time. If she says yes, I’ll attempt. If she wants to continue sleeping, I let her sleep. If she says no, I’ll let her sleep.
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No one is God keep her comfortable get hospice involved...keep your wits about you/ you lovingly care for mom. You are awesome
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Yep, so was my wife before she died and that is where she’s headed get her some hospice care and prepare
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My mom's doctor in AL told me that not being hungry was a normal problem for the elderly. He said his grandmother only ate about half of a lean cuisine. She lives alone and is not on hospice. The GI doctor in AL said thin people live longer. He was unconcerned about my mom's weight loss. He wanted her to take Protonix to prevent more ulcers. I think it makes her sleepy.
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