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Poodle, I am sorry for you loss. Very.
Thank you for updating us. I have thought of you and you dilemma.
But I see you sliding in sympathy, and the sympathy slide is a long one, slow and has an inexorably certain DOWNWARD TRAJECTORY.
You need to stop telling mom that "she wouldn't like " this or that.
As I told you before, she is very frightened now, and she thinks she could/would put up with anything.
You need to have the courage NOW to be honest that you and hubby have talked and her moving in with you is not now, and won't be an option.
PLEASE BE BRUTALLY honest. That honesty will be little pain compared to what pain she is already feeling and what fear.
Tell her you will be there for her. Help her with moves to downsize, and for care when needed. And will spend time. Will never abandon her. BUT LIVING WITH YOU IS NOT AN OPTION for discussion or argument.

If you cannot be strong right now in this decision, and honest? You will be doomed and you will regret it every second of every day, imho.
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I am sorry for your loss. This has also shown that your mom is not above manipulation to get what she wants. I assume she is scared and doesn't know what the future holds and that is normal. Still doesn't mean she gets to move in with you. If she pulls another one of those "sit in a chair and wait to die" line tell her she is free to do what she feels necessary. Do not cater to these little outbursts. Either ignore what she says or tell her to go ahead and do it. My grandmother's famous line was "I'll take poison" if she wasn't getting her way. I would respond "well if that is what you want to do...". She is trying to get you to beg her to move in with you.

I believe in tough love. When she tries the manipulation tell her this is exactly why you don't want to live together. Right now you are the Queen of your home, she moves in and you will be demoted to serf.
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