-I’m an only child after my sister unexpectedly passed away 5 years ago-Mother is 77 and has health issues like RA, beginning Parkinson’s, anxiety and fibromyalgia.-She has fallen in the past-The neighbors she’s close to are all passing away-Money is not an issue. My parents are well fixed and my mother has excellent health coverage. -Husband and I are childless-Husband works rotating shifts-I don’t work outside the home anymore-Mother is still relatively independent able to drive, care for self, etc.
Thank you for updating us. I have thought of you and you dilemma.
But I see you sliding in sympathy, and the sympathy slide is a long one, slow and has an inexorably certain DOWNWARD TRAJECTORY.
You need to stop telling mom that "she wouldn't like " this or that.
As I told you before, she is very frightened now, and she thinks she could/would put up with anything.
You need to have the courage NOW to be honest that you and hubby have talked and her moving in with you is not now, and won't be an option.
PLEASE BE BRUTALLY honest. That honesty will be little pain compared to what pain she is already feeling and what fear.
Tell her you will be there for her. Help her with moves to downsize, and for care when needed. And will spend time. Will never abandon her. BUT LIVING WITH YOU IS NOT AN OPTION for discussion or argument.
If you cannot be strong right now in this decision, and honest? You will be doomed and you will regret it every second of every day, imho.
I believe in tough love. When she tries the manipulation tell her this is exactly why you don't want to live together. Right now you are the Queen of your home, she moves in and you will be demoted to serf.