My mom has been living with my daughter for four years now. She is capable of doing anything within her age group of 84. She is tiny, fiesty and can be mean. She has had several surgeries because of pain.
The family is divided on if she really needs to have a guardian over her now. But those of us whom she does not live with have been told to go along with it or she can come live with us. We are not able to have her come live with us, but we do want what is best for her. She lives rent free, and does get fed. At times, her medication has been too much, as she is in so much pain.
My daughter talks to her as if she is a baby, which I don't appreciate. She did have a SLUME test, which she failed 16/31, but no other assessments have been completed. She has my daughter or son-in-law standing over her at all her appointments because they don't trust what she says. I don't know what to do. The one sentence the neurologist said was he fells she is "moderate Alzheimer's with dementia," but no other assessments have been done. She has a memory, as I tested it this past week and she remembers conversations and how to play games.
I need some advice. Do I go along with her giving up all her rights? She can walk, talk and take care of herself. She did get her license revoked this year. The hearing is next month, and I am not sure what to do.
I am afraid of retaliation and being blocked from my daughter and her family if I push this. I feel like I am caught in the middle. I know my daughter has sacrificed a lot, but she is the one that chose for my mom to live with her. It is a toxic relationship at times, but others are okay. We only see the "showing" part of the situation when we visit, we don't live 24/7 with them.
I know several suggested it's none of your business since you aren't helping and your daughter is doing all the caregiving. BUT if you are like me, my mother who is cared by my older brother it doesn't mean I don't want to be a part of her life. Being a part of the aging and dying process of your mother may be important to you as it is to me. The caution is demanding your way as there are many different ways of looking at a difficult situation./
This somewhat confusing to me. If your daughter can get durable POA and then she gets two doctors to sign that your mother can't make decisions for herself, she then has the decision making power for medical and financial. I'm not sure about mental health. Also I'd be concerned if your mother has a living will and an
up-to-date will for after she dies?
I don't understand why your mother does not contribute financially? My mother is cared for by my brother and he has complete access to her Social Security or any monies she gets to use for her or his expenses.
Also if she can't contribute financially it would be wise to talk to your daughter about helping them out financially. My brother DEMANDS I give him money because he's caring for our mother but I know he has access to her money and won't be accountable for what his expenses are.
Also the suggestion that your daughter needs respite. If you can stay with your mother for a period of time to give them a needed break would help OR help them find a place for respite.
If at all possible, in person, have a family discussion including your mother. There are generalist for aging persons that maybe you could get help. Contact the Aging & Disability in her area. There are other resources your daughter can find as well, possibly Medicaid especially if your mother can't contribute financially.
Lastly, I would suggest that your find a therapist who can help you deal with the many emotions that are part of this difficult situation. Take care of yourself!