My mom has been living with my daughter for four years now. She is capable of doing anything within her age group of 84. She is tiny, fiesty and can be mean. She has had several surgeries because of pain.
The family is divided on if she really needs to have a guardian over her now. But those of us whom she does not live with have been told to go along with it or she can come live with us. We are not able to have her come live with us, but we do want what is best for her. She lives rent free, and does get fed. At times, her medication has been too much, as she is in so much pain.
My daughter talks to her as if she is a baby, which I don't appreciate. She did have a SLUME test, which she failed 16/31, but no other assessments have been completed. She has my daughter or son-in-law standing over her at all her appointments because they don't trust what she says. I don't know what to do. The one sentence the neurologist said was he fells she is "moderate Alzheimer's with dementia," but no other assessments have been done. She has a memory, as I tested it this past week and she remembers conversations and how to play games.
I need some advice. Do I go along with her giving up all her rights? She can walk, talk and take care of herself. She did get her license revoked this year. The hearing is next month, and I am not sure what to do.
I am afraid of retaliation and being blocked from my daughter and her family if I push this. I feel like I am caught in the middle. I know my daughter has sacrificed a lot, but she is the one that chose for my mom to live with her. It is a toxic relationship at times, but others are okay. We only see the "showing" part of the situation when we visit, we don't live 24/7 with them.
Does your daughter and son-in-law have that kind of money to spend on getting guardianship for her grandmother?
Now if you're talking POA instead of guardianship that's a whole other story as your mom would have to designate in front of a lawyer that she wants your daughter as her POA, and that costs only a few hundred dollars.
BUT...and this is a big but, the fact that your mom has dementia may prohibit your mom from being able to designate anyone at this point to be her POA, and guardianship may be the only route legally that can be done.
However the attorney will have a talk with your mom to see if they feel she is mentally sound enough to be able to designate someone as POA, and proceed from there.
Bottom line, someone has to step up I guess at this point to look after your mom in her now deteriorating mental health, and if your daughter is willing....God bless her, as she has a very hard road ahead.
Unless you yourself would like to step in and assume caring for your mother, or have her placed in Memory Care Assisted Living, I suggest you count your blessings your daughter is willing to take this huge burden on. And it's quite a burden.
Fyi, you can NEVER fully trust what a demented elder tells you about anything, especially pertaining to a doctors appointment. It's 100% necessary for a POA or advocate to accompany the elder to all the appointments to get the facts straight. We're you TO live 24/7 With your mother you'd really see what dementia was all about, and what your daughter truly puts up with on a daily basis. Being able to play games and dress herself means nothing much with the loss of executive brain function. She requires 24/7 care and supervision now, as my own mother did with dementia.
This should not be a family decision unless the "family" is equally contributing to moms care. Your daughter is the boots on the ground caregiver so she's the one in charge. Her and the doctor.
To me that means that the daughter should be POA and guardian of her.
Clearly she already has dementia, and should have a guardian.
I don't really see how, why or where you have a say in all of this unless you wish to wrest care away from the granddaughter and do it yourself or place her in care.
If you wish to fight this in court, given the daughter is giving her good care, I do believe you would lose, but if you wish to do so, do consider seeing an attorney.