He has been living with my husband and I for about a year, but doesn't want to pay for caregivers and his manipulation is becoming too draining on us. When I talk about going to a nursing home, he threatens to move back to another state. Can Social Services come in and analyze his physical condition?
If he can handle a move, if he's not incompetent (whether you have POA or not) you have to lay down the law. He either hires caregivers as his contribution to your household or he leaves. If he goes back to his former state you can have APS and whoever else do occasional wellness check and evaluation but not much else. People are free to make poor decisions until they're bad enough to be judged legally incompetent.
I think if you call his bluff and tell him ok it's time for you to move out whether it be to another state or not, but make it clear that you won't be helping him, he may come to the realization that he can't handle a move and be more willing to either pay for full-time care or even to move into an assisted living facility nearby.
It's your home, you get to call the shots. Don't forget that.
Good luck, this sounds very frustrating. But you should not have to continue with a manipulative, selfish senior ruining your home life and affecting your health. Let us know how it goes.
The first thing you can do is to stop taking care of him. Tell him that it is more than you are able to do any longer, and simply refuse. He will make your life hell, I'm sure, as it sounds as if he feels entitled and is not above manipulation to get his needs/wants met.
Let him go. Let him move out. Encourage it. Some posters here say not to help him move. I dunno, I would be inclined to help facilitate his moving OUT of your house! It sounds like he is stubborn, and does not suffer from cognitive impairment, so let him try living on his own. And let him fail. Let him come to the decision to hire help or to move to an assisted living situation, that ISN'T in your house! You are Not his Assisted Living!
You can call APS to check on him and do an assessment if you worry about his safety. But, as long as he is able to make his own decisions, let him do whatever he wants. But make it clear that he needs to move out of your home and that you will not be his caregiver.
The option of hiring caregivers to come to your home will not do much to ease your life. He will still have needs when they are gone, and it will only get worse as he declines.