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Based on your asking the question, I sense that you are likely young and inexperienced. This isn't a criticism; it is a way for you to SERIOUSLY CONSIDER if and how you are qualified to care for your grandmother.
If she has a lot of health issues, she likely needs EXPERIENCED 24/7 care and/or to be in a facility with experienced staff / medical providers. I sense that you have no idea what you are potentially getting yourself into - without the necessary experience and time availability.
Many family caregivers are 'thrown' into this role and have no idea what is involved. You are LUCKY as you haven't taken on this responsibility yet so you have time to consider what is the best course of action.
Know that caring for grandmother doesn't mean it has to be you doing the 'hands-on' work yourself. You can care for her by providing the care she needs which could be an experienced care provider (not you) and you coordinating needs, i.e., finding an ind medical social worker to help you figure this out; consider if placement in a facility is needed and/or when it is - can you manage / coordinate this need?
This is grueling hard work - and there are many ways to 'take care / help' a loved one. Often this DOESN'T mean doing it yourself.
Care also includes a lot of coordinating - medical appointments and understanding medical needs, research (facilities, equipment); hiring caregivers when you need a break (means training) and certainly a need to manage finances and tracking all expenses, along with knowing what government funding is available (which changes). In other words, the 'paper work' and administrative 'work' is a full time job in itself. Then, there are the legal documents. Is she considered of sound mind (no dementia) and can make her own decisions? If not, who handles legal needs/decision making?
Caregiving means you have to be able to set boundaries for yourself. Many have difficulty doing this due to guilt, feeling obligated / responsible, 'wanting to do too much' and burning out ... You need to know when you have to say "NO" and/or need to make alternative decisions for optimal care needs.
I suggest you look into CNA training:
CNA stands for “certified nursing assistant,” an entry-level role that provides vital support to both patients and nurses. From transporting, bathing, and feeding hospital patients to stocking medical supplies and logging patient information, CNAs are on the ground working to enhance patient outcomes. While a CNA is not classified as a nurse, this position is a fantastic entry point for dozens of different nursing careers because this position provides basic care to patients.
What Does a CNA Do? How Do I Become a CNA, and How Long Does it Take? What Qualities Should a CNA Possess? How is a Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA) Different From a Medical Assistant (MA)?
I have two full boxes of file folders for when I took on 100% care needs of my companion of 18 years. I am an experience elder care manager with a counseling background (and more) ... and while I could do all that was required, I was exhausted all the time. ... And, I was / am aware of the need to set boundaries ... In many ways, one doesn't know what they are getting into until they are in it. Glad you asked before you take this on.
@Gena, excellent post. I presently have 3 file boxes of folders for my husband's facility care, hospitalizations, rehab, home health care, doctor appointments, etc. More in a file cabinet with other medical files leading up to his diagnosis of dementia. More on my computer. Also file drawers and folders devoted to my parents' care some years ago (soon to be tossed out). I'm fortunate to be able to handle the executive end of it and have often wondered how people without proven organizational skills manage! This is why I almost always post that a young inexperienced person shouldn't take this on. Your idea of her becoming a CNA is great. There's plenty of work for them if they want it and a shortage of CNAs as well.
It seems that the response is unanimous (almost). I'm glad Evonne1954 was able to enjoy the 10 years she spent taking care of her mother. I assume Evonne is in her 60's and had the maturity to make the best of those difficult circumstances.
Please listen to the advice here from caregivers who know what you are facing.
If you are really intent on helping your grandmother, make a written plan with her. Stipulate the length of time you will sacrifice your own life to care for her needs. Stipulate the number of hours you will work, what tasks you will perform, and agree on a payment amount. If she pays you under the table, for a short time that may be all right, but long term, you should consider going through an accountant or payroll service who will make sure all employer and employee tax obligations are met. Your Social Security earnings contributions will matter one day!
Decide how to meet her needs during the hours you will not be available or for tasks that are beyond your skill and willingness. You can help her out and still hire trained CNA's to help because it will eventually become too much for you.
If she does not have the resources to pay you adequately, help her apply for medicaid. There are limits to how much medicaid will pay, but they often pay for a family member to provide cares to an eligible individual.
If you expect your grandmother's life to be short, I applaud you wanting to spend this time with her in a caring capacity. Just go into it with eyes wide open, and don't lose yourself to a lifetime of martyrdom.
It's ok for you to pass on this responsibility. She can hire the help she needs and you can spend quality time with her simply as a loving grandchild.
I have a few questions... Obviously you are young, probably very young (compared to me🤣) What are you going to be giving up for the next 20 years? Unless grandma will be paying you AND doing it so that taxes and Social Security and other important things are done you will lose all those years of Social Security. Will you be attending school at the same time? If so are grandmas health problems such that you will be unable to complete school?
Are you ready and willing to give up all your friends? Make no mistake they will not want to hang out with you at grandma's and they will stop asking if you want to go out if you always say you can''t cuz you have to take care of grandma. And grandma will probably always say that you can't go out cuz she is ..1) lonely..2) she is sick and needs you...3) she is afraid to be alone ...and on and on.
Who will be POA? You? If not are you ready to follow someone else's instructions when it comes to what grandma needs? If you do this who will care for grandma when you need time off? NO ONE can care for someone 24/7/365 and not get a break. (and to use the number of years I used at the beginning that is 7305 days) And Working for Room and Board is NOT legal. If you are being promised ANYTHING to care for her PLEASE get it in writing. Unless it is written a "promise" of getting the house, an inheritance is worthless. I can't count the number of posts that I have seen where someone was promised a house, money, items to get NOTHING after the person dies.
OH..I guess to really answer your original question. You do not need to do anything to become grandma's caregiver you just become her caregiver. You could take a CNA Certification course that would help you a lot. (will make you employable later if you wish to do this as a career)
I took care of my mother for 10 years and glad I did. I find it appalling that so many ppl on here are telling you to turn your back and walk away. My mom did give me $2,000 a month to live with me and take care of her. In the end, I'm glad I did it. She passed away this last February from Alzheimer's and I feel I gave her a good send off. I had even selected this house with the intention she would live with me when the time came, and we had a nice bedroom with a bathroom right outside the door at the back of the house for privacy. It was challenging at times, and there were diapers to change, but I would have never let her twist in the wind.
People are trying to disuade the OP because, if the Grandmother is 68, s/he is probably in their late teens or 20s -- has not even had time to build a career or enjoy a full social life yet. Being a caregiver to a dependent person will make having those things (and more) very difficult. She (the Grandmother) already "...has a lot of health issues". At 68. It's not going to get better. And now the Grandmother wants to be taken care of by someone with no life experience dealing with doctors, insurance, banks, bureaucracy -- and may not know they need a legal ability to do so on behalf of the Grandmother. Maybe the Grandmother thinks she's going to barter the care, or pay her/him cash, which then means this young person will not have a work history, will not be contributing to their own SS and Medicare accounts. I've been on this forum since 2019 and have read many posts where young family members went into similar arrangements only to become depressed, burned out and/or overwhelmed as the elder fell completely apart and ran out of money. The well-meaning young person, now older, has "woke up" to find they painted themselves into a corner financially. It's a disaster when this happens, and cannot be easily fixed -- if at all. In no way should this young poster be The Solution for their Grandmother. Help part-time as long as they are building their future as a priority? Sure. Be the only person doing the care? Not in this situation. Never.
Do not do it. She took care of you so you could have a future. People who love their children raise them so that they can go out into the world and build fulfilling lives. They do not expect that they tie themselves down to a decades-long slog of caregiving.
Your grandmother might be a nice lady but she is being extremely selfish to even ask this.
Find another plan. You will regret agreeing to this. Your life will be over before it has begun.
I write this as a 69 year old woman who would NEVER ask this of my granddaughters.
A friend of mine took care of her dad when he asked her to. He had financial resources for his care but did not want to live in a home or away from his home. She set up the parameters: Since she was not going to have employment and insurance or a home of her own she said she would do it but he needed to pay for her insurance, give her the home upon his death (they put the home in a trust and her as the executor), and pay her a weekly amount which withholding of taxes, ss, unemployment, etc were documented. She also had a contract with him for his care: he needed to go to all medical appointments, take his medications, eat at least 2 meals a day-nutritional meals, take showers with a paid aide weekly. She also had use of the car which would be hers upon his death. The contract would be broken IF he didn’t do his part of the deal (eating, showering, appointments, showers). He also allowed cameras and special locks and additional care staff if needed. If he didn’t believe he needed anything-she would contact adult protective services for an evaluation and they both would abide by the decision. It was successful in that they knew the parameters. She was all in and he was able to live and finally die in his home. He had a DNR, she was his DPOA and financial POA, health care surrogate. She was a good daughter and her dad could trust her. During the time with her dad she pursued certificates for CNA and medication dispensing. I would recommend prayerfully moving forward on this opportunity to love on your grandma but it is very hard and physically and mentally demanding. You may do it for a season or get it set up with another person doing the work during lunch and dinner 11-6 p.m. so you can have a break daily.
Wow Tandenfun4us thank you for such a comprehensive response, which illustrates the reality of what may be involved. It gives me a headache just considering how I would approach all that if I took on a caring role at 58 years old which, I hasten to add, I'm not prepared to do (other than for spouse, with help). Thank you. These responses are life-changing and possibly even life-saving.
Please read the responses here and please make another plan. Do not become her caregiver - become her advocate if you want - but not her caregiver. They are two very different roles. As her advocate you will educate yourself and find the best solutions you can, but you will not sacrifice your young life to take on a job that will isolate you, frustrate you, and go on and on as she declines. It is the opposite of caring for the typical child, who becomes stronger and more independent each day. You will be trying to manage continuous decline. Don’t do it.
This is a very personal decision that only you can make. Asking this question is a good start. Keep researching. If you have a good job and a career with benefits in your life then remember the slogan "put on your own air mask first". In our current political and economic climate there are no guarantees of medical care or social security for old age. I wish you all the the best with your decision.
Taking care of her the way she took care of you isn't possible. Those are two different things.
If she changed your diapers, she knew you'd grow out of them, and baby poop is baby size. Easy to clean up and dispose of. An adult's poop is comparatively HUGE. Wiping it is a major job and has to be done carefully so as not to encourage skin sores, which can kill an adult if they get septic. Diarrhea in an adult is MAJOR. It can kill them from dehydration and other medical reasons, which you've probably never heard of and neither have I. Disposing of used adult diapers is a hassle; not enough room in a regular garbage can, so where else can you put them? Figure it out, honey. That's gonna be your job.
Not in diapers yet? Just wait.
She can't sleep at night, so she keeps you awake. When will you catch up on your sleep in between cooking, laundering, scrubbing floors, cleaning the toilet, shopping, cooking, etc. etc.? You think she'll be doing all that? Not for long. She needs a care slave because she can't or doesn't want to do those things now.
Where will your friends be? Not with you! You're a caregiver and have different interests. They're out dancing, riding in cars with friends, going to festivals, each others' weddings, and on vacations (forget about that, you're a caregiver now, and there's no one to stay with Granny). And on and on.
Don't do this. Don't be manipulated by dear Granny, who should have planned better for her old age. You deserve better.
I agree with everything, except the bit about manipulation. We don't know that. When I was young, I proposed moving in with my stepdad's mum. My mum, who understood more about the day to day care involved, at that time, said absolutely not. Grandma wasn't manipulating me. She was much older than Castillo's grandmother, and lived longer still, looked after in a care home where they mixed up her clothes with those of other residents and all the other minor things people get upset about. But she was safe. And I was free to live my life.
What do you want for YOUR life? If your grandmother is 68, I'm assuming that you are pretty young. You have your entire life ahead of you. You mention that your grandmother has a lot of health issues - but do they really require a full time caregiver?
You'll note that literally every response is "don't do it". There is a reason for that - and it's not because people don't understand that you love your grandmother and want to help her. It sounds like maybe she raised you from your post? And it is understandable that you would want to help her.
But if she stepped in and raised you - does she not want you to have the life you deserve? To be able to go out into this world and find your own life, your own family, a future of your own?
If you are caregiving for your grandmother - what does that mean for you? Does that mean that you will never have your own family? A job that will allow you to have insurance or save for your own retirement?
Your grandmother is 68. For context my grandmother just passed away a few months ago - at 98. I want you to put that into perspective. Your grandmother - unless she has some kind of terminal illness that shortens life severely - likely has a good number of years left. Are you prepared to essentially give up the biggest chunk of your early and even middle adult years to be her unpaid caregiver? And then when the eventual does happen- you will suddenly be there on your own, having to figure out how to fit back into life, and start from there.
There are ways that you can care for your grandmother without it being hands on and giving up your entire life.
Listen to this one! I didn't live with my mom but spent countless days,8 years, leaving work and taking her to Dr appointments and keeping her finances straight. And that was just the easy part? When she went to assisted living/memory care it got better but the damage had already been done. She's been gone for a year and a half and I haven't moved on. I still can't find it in me to get motivated and I don't want to. I'm quite content just doing nothing because I did everything for so long. One day, maybe I'll feel rested enough to get back to normal, if it's possible? I don't think there's anything normal after being a caregiver.
You don't. 68 seems young, and yet she's had her youth, she's had her life. You don't give up yours for hers.
Be an advocate for your grandmother instead. This means that you help her to get the benefits she's entitled to; you help her to access health care; you do what you can to make sure she's looked after without you doing the looking after.
Do not move in with your grandmother. If you already live with her, do everything you can to become independent and find your own place.
This will be helping your grandmother. It will stop her having to worry about you. It will provide her with a well-rested granddaughter who enjoys visiting her and brightening her day.
By calling your grandmother and giving her the goss on your life, you will be keeping her engaged in life and her world will widen through your experiences. If you give up on going out and living your life, your world will shrink and your grandmother's along with it.
Don't become your grandmother's carer, for both your sakes.
Please don't think we're being harsh in telling you all of this. We're all caregivers (most of us are older) and we know what trauma (yes, trauma.... no matter how much you love your parent/grandparent!) comes with caregiving.
So what are you going to do for health insurance, dental insurance, paying into a retirement account for when you get sick in your golden years and how are you going to pay into your Social security so that you get a check when you are retired. Or do you plan to be dirt poor for the rest of your life?
Also, where are the other two people who are going to each take 8 hour shifts? It takes 3 adults to care for 1 adult.
Where will you get grocery money from? Car insurance and gas money? Don’t say her.
Do you plan to take care of her for the next 30 years? Elders live into their 90s now, even if they are sick.
The question you have to ask yourself is whether you wish to get a good-paying job/satisfying career with perks and a 401k, have a rich social life, date/get married/have kids of your own... or do you want to be a solo caregiver to someone who will get progressively more dependent and decline physically and maybe even cognitively -- and it will become pretty difficult to do the above (aka have a "normal" life for someone your age). Caregiving full-time is not really for someone your age. It is only for those who fully understand the sacrifice it will involve and are willing to take it on for an unknown number of years or decades or until they burn out and need help themselves. Someone your age should at the very minimum have a written employment contract and stipulate that your Grandmother assign you as her medical and financial PoA. No working beyond 40 hrs. She cannot expect you to be on-call or never go on vacation. You will need to have a reliable sub plan for your off hours, sick days and vacations. At 68, if she lives until 88, she will need substantial assets to pay you that many years, and maybe beyond. There are many posts on this forum by grandchildren who are now stuck as caregivers, are burning out, have no money saved, no work history, no future once their elder passes away. Some elders promise them the house, which is not a thing unless she actually adds you the deed or has a legitimate Will created that includes you getting the house. If she lives long enough to need MC, she may need to sell the house to pay for that care if you are not willing/able to care for her at that point. Please please go into this with your eyes wide open. Don't agree to it because she didn't make any other plans, or is guilting you. You do not owe her this. You won't be any help to her if you are burned out, depressed and bitter.
This sound like a sweet thing to do but..... This could be years of caregiving, which means, no friends , no socializing, when your done what will you have, a career? A job? A life?
I agree with Dolly read everything here, but also go on r/caregiveing on Reddit, there is story after story of grandchildren stuck in caregiving roll for year and years. We don't get as many grandkids here, so I was shocked at the amount on reddit. Everytime I go on I see another sad story and another. It literally breaks my heart.
Sorry if I was too blunt about this, I just hate seeing young lives ruined by this. 💕💕
What steps do you take to be grandmas caregiver? You start by saying NO!!! Just because she took care of you does not mean that you have to take care of her. You deserve to have your own life, a good paying job and family and shouldn't be tied down being someone's caregiver. You deserve better and if your grandma really loved you she would agree.
68 is young . You could waste another 10 - 20 Years of your Life when you should Be traveling , Finding a Mate , Having a career . She Needs to take care of herself . Once you get sucked In It Is very hard to get out of the Vortex. go Live your own life she Made Her bed . help when you can But dont sacrifice your Life for this Person .
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
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Based on your asking the question, I sense that you are likely young and inexperienced. This isn't a criticism; it is a way for you to SERIOUSLY CONSIDER if and how you are qualified to care for your grandmother.
If she has a lot of health issues, she likely needs EXPERIENCED 24/7 care and/or to be in a facility with experienced staff / medical providers. I sense that you have no idea what you are potentially getting yourself into - without the necessary experience and time availability.
Many family caregivers are 'thrown' into this role and have no idea what is involved. You are LUCKY as you haven't taken on this responsibility yet so you have time to consider what is the best course of action.
Know that caring for grandmother doesn't mean it has to be you doing the 'hands-on' work yourself. You can care for her by providing the care she needs which could be an experienced care provider (not you) and you coordinating needs, i.e., finding an ind medical social worker to help you figure this out; consider if placement in a facility is needed and/or when it is - can you manage / coordinate this need?
This is grueling hard work - and there are many ways to 'take care / help' a loved one. Often this DOESN'T mean doing it yourself.
Care also includes a lot of coordinating - medical appointments and understanding medical needs, research (facilities, equipment); hiring caregivers when you need a break (means training) and certainly a need to manage finances and tracking all expenses, along with knowing what government funding is available (which changes). In other words, the 'paper work' and administrative 'work' is a full time job in itself. Then, there are the legal documents. Is she considered of sound mind (no dementia) and can make her own decisions? If not, who handles legal needs/decision making?
Caregiving means you have to be able to set boundaries for yourself.
Many have difficulty doing this due to guilt, feeling obligated / responsible, 'wanting to do too much' and burning out ... You need to know when you have to say "NO" and/or need to make alternative decisions for optimal care needs.
I suggest you look into CNA training:
CNA stands for “certified nursing assistant,” an entry-level role that provides vital support to both patients and nurses. From transporting, bathing, and feeding hospital patients to stocking medical supplies and logging patient information, CNAs are on the ground working to enhance patient outcomes. While a CNA is not classified as a nurse, this position is a fantastic entry point for dozens of different nursing careers because this position provides basic care to patients.
Link for further information:
https://www.nu.edu/blog/what-is-a-cna/
What Does a CNA Do?
How Do I Become a CNA, and How Long Does it Take?
What Qualities Should a CNA Possess?
How is a Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA) Different From a Medical Assistant (MA)?
I have two full boxes of file folders for when I took on 100% care needs of my companion of 18 years. I am an experience elder care manager with a counseling background (and more) ... and while I could do all that was required, I was exhausted all the time. ... And, I was / am aware of the need to set boundaries ... In many ways, one doesn't know what they are getting into until they are in it. Glad you asked before you take this on.
Gena / Touch Matters
Please listen to the advice here from caregivers who know what you are facing.
If you are really intent on helping your grandmother, make a written plan with her.
Stipulate the length of time you will sacrifice your own life to care for her needs.
Stipulate the number of hours you will work, what tasks you will perform, and agree on a payment amount. If she pays you under the table, for a short time that may be all right, but long term, you should consider going through an accountant or payroll service who will make sure all employer and employee tax obligations are met. Your Social Security earnings contributions will matter one day!
Decide how to meet her needs during the hours you will not be available or for tasks that are beyond your skill and willingness. You can help her out and still hire trained CNA's to help because it will eventually become too much for you.
If she does not have the resources to pay you adequately, help her apply for medicaid. There are limits to how much medicaid will pay, but they often pay for a family member to provide cares to an eligible individual.
If you expect your grandmother's life to be short, I applaud you wanting to spend this time with her in a caring capacity. Just go into it with eyes wide open, and don't lose yourself to a lifetime of martyrdom.
It's ok for you to pass on this responsibility. She can hire the help she needs and you can spend quality time with her simply as a loving grandchild.
Obviously you are young, probably very young (compared to me🤣)
What are you going to be giving up for the next 20 years?
Unless grandma will be paying you AND doing it so that taxes and Social Security and other important things are done you will lose all those years of Social Security.
Will you be attending school at the same time? If so are grandmas health problems such that you will be unable to complete school?
Are you ready and willing to give up all your friends?
Make no mistake they will not want to hang out with you at grandma's and they will stop asking if you want to go out if you always say you can''t cuz you have to take care of grandma. And grandma will probably always say that you can't go out cuz she is ..1) lonely..2) she is sick and needs you...3) she is afraid to be alone ...and on and on.
Who will be POA? You? If not are you ready to follow someone else's instructions when it comes to what grandma needs?
If you do this who will care for grandma when you need time off? NO ONE can care for someone 24/7/365 and not get a break. (and to use the number of years I used at the beginning that is 7305 days) And Working for Room and Board is NOT legal.
If you are being promised ANYTHING to care for her PLEASE get it in writing.
Unless it is written a "promise" of getting the house, an inheritance is worthless. I can't count the number of posts that I have seen where someone was promised a house, money, items to get NOTHING after the person dies.
OH..I guess to really answer your original question.
You do not need to do anything to become grandma's caregiver you just become her caregiver. You could take a CNA Certification course that would help you a lot. (will make you employable later if you wish to do this as a career)
Your grandmother might be a nice lady but she is being extremely selfish to even ask this.
Find another plan. You will regret agreeing to this. Your life will be over before it has begun.
I write this as a 69 year old woman who would NEVER ask this of my granddaughters.
I wish you all the the best with your decision.
If she changed your diapers, she knew you'd grow out of them, and baby poop is baby size. Easy to clean up and dispose of. An adult's poop is comparatively HUGE. Wiping it is a major job and has to be done carefully so as not to encourage skin sores, which can kill an adult if they get septic. Diarrhea in an adult is MAJOR. It can kill them from dehydration and other medical reasons, which you've probably never heard of and neither have I. Disposing of used adult diapers is a hassle; not enough room in a regular garbage can, so where else can you put them? Figure it out, honey. That's gonna be your job.
Not in diapers yet? Just wait.
She can't sleep at night, so she keeps you awake. When will you catch up on your sleep in between cooking, laundering, scrubbing floors, cleaning the toilet, shopping, cooking, etc. etc.? You think she'll be doing all that? Not for long. She needs a care slave because she can't or doesn't want to do those things now.
Where will your friends be? Not with you! You're a caregiver and have different interests. They're out dancing, riding in cars with friends, going to festivals, each others' weddings, and on vacations (forget about that, you're a caregiver now, and there's no one to stay with Granny). And on and on.
Don't do this. Don't be manipulated by dear Granny, who should have planned better for her old age. You deserve better.
When I was young, I proposed moving in with my stepdad's mum. My mum, who understood more about the day to day care involved, at that time, said absolutely not.
Grandma wasn't manipulating me.
She was much older than Castillo's grandmother, and lived longer still, looked after in a care home where they mixed up her clothes with those of other residents and all the other minor things people get upset about. But she was safe.
And I was free to live my life.
You'll note that literally every response is "don't do it". There is a reason for that - and it's not because people don't understand that you love your grandmother and want to help her. It sounds like maybe she raised you from your post? And it is understandable that you would want to help her.
But if she stepped in and raised you - does she not want you to have the life you deserve? To be able to go out into this world and find your own life, your own family, a future of your own?
If you are caregiving for your grandmother - what does that mean for you? Does that mean that you will never have your own family? A job that will allow you to have insurance or save for your own retirement?
Your grandmother is 68. For context my grandmother just passed away a few months ago - at 98. I want you to put that into perspective. Your grandmother - unless she has some kind of terminal illness that shortens life severely - likely has a good number of years left. Are you prepared to essentially give up the biggest chunk of your early and even middle adult years to be her unpaid caregiver? And then when the eventual does happen- you will suddenly be there on your own, having to figure out how to fit back into life, and start from there.
There are ways that you can care for your grandmother without it being hands on and giving up your entire life.
68 seems young, and yet she's had her youth, she's had her life. You don't give up yours for hers.
Be an advocate for your grandmother instead. This means that you help her to get the benefits she's entitled to; you help her to access health care; you do what you can to make sure she's looked after without you doing the looking after.
Do not move in with your grandmother. If you already live with her, do everything you can to become independent and find your own place.
This will be helping your grandmother. It will stop her having to worry about you. It will provide her with a well-rested granddaughter who enjoys visiting her and brightening her day.
By calling your grandmother and giving her the goss on your life, you will be keeping her engaged in life and her world will widen through your experiences. If you give up on going out and living your life, your world will shrink and your grandmother's along with it.
Don't become your grandmother's carer, for both your sakes.
Also, where are the other two people who are going to each take 8 hour shifts? It takes 3 adults to care for 1 adult.
Where will you get grocery money from? Car insurance and gas money? Don’t say her.
Do you plan to take care of her for the next 30 years? Elders live into their 90s now, even if they are sick.
I agree with Dolly read everything here, but also go on r/caregiveing on Reddit, there is story after story of grandchildren stuck in caregiving roll for year and years. We don't get as many grandkids here, so I was shocked at the amount on reddit. Everytime I go on I see another sad story and another. It literally breaks my heart.
Sorry if I was too blunt about this, I just hate seeing young lives ruined by this. 💕💕
My mother just passed she was 100, your grandmother could easily live another 20-25 years and you will be left with nothing,
Take the time to read around this site, it will open your eyes.
Just because she took care of you does not mean that you have to take care of her.
You deserve to have your own life, a good paying job and family and shouldn't be tied down being someone's caregiver.
You deserve better and if your grandma really loved you she would agree.