He doesn’t remember that he does it & it’s difficult to cancel. So far it has cost us a few thousand dollars if I don’t catch it right away. He gets very angry when confronted says he’s not. But I have stopped him before. How do I stop these calls or control his actions? He still wants his phone.
My Mom was calling all sorts of customer support numbers complaining about her appliances that she was forgetting how to operate. She'd be having service calls, getting multiple new tv remotes, calling neighbors to do tasks because I wasn't doing them fast enough, etc. She of course doesn't like the lack of her control but that's too bad -- it made everyone else's life easier in caring for her.
When your husband is unaware, lose his phone and then replace it with a different one, like the Raz.
The second thing I did was to get him a new phone number. Now, because his old phone number isn’t linked to his name, he doesn’t get phone calls from people trying to scam him. The bank told me that scammers sell their lists of vulnerable seniors to other scammers. I just notified friends and family of his new number. AT&T transferred his old contact list to his new number.
BTW - him frequently getting scammed was the first thing that made me contact his primary care doctor to see if something might be wrong. He ordered a bunch of tests and the ultimate diagnosis was Alzheimer’s. It happened during Covid so it took awhile because he met with doctors via Zoom. They were finally comfortable making the diagnosis when they were able to meet him face to face. Now that I know he has it, I understand him and the disease so much better.
Just check it out.
You need to take control of the situation otherwise you will potentially continue to lose a few more thousand dollars.
You need to block his phone. Period.
Is he paying for these services?
How? Does he have access to cr cards? finances to pay for these things?
If so, why?
You 'control' his actions by -
* Discuss with his MD. You do not mention his cognitive functioning or diagnosis.
Do you know if he has dementia? How advanced it is? Have you talked to his MD about his memory issues? Has he been tested?
* You (learn to) do what is necessary and not discuss it with him or you make an excuse and change the subject.
* You get the support you need from professionals.
* You do not argue with him (pointless with a person with dementia) and only adds fuel to the already burning fuse (resentment, anger frustration, confusion).
* You learn to not take his anger (?) or frustration personally - step back, take breaks / do not be on auto pilot. You have to be present and shift as needed.
* You learn or accept that he cannot help what he is doing and that he will keep doing it as long as you allow it. And, realize it will get much worse.
* If you are unable to make these needed decisions, you need to address your feelings and reasons and get professional help.
You are in a situation that requires you to make some very hard and difficult decisions. Perhaps it is time to consider alternative housing / placement (your post is too vague to know any details).
I recommend that you get professional help to sort it out and find the best solution for his well-being (which might mean placement, addl care/givers when you are not there (and you NEED breaks).
You may end up bankrupted and dealing with more / other serious issues if you do not deal with this now. Do not wait. He might invite strangers over to 'discuss' phone or insurance... And sign contracts.
Gena / Touch Matters