Mom had a stroke 5 years ago and diagnosed with vascular dementia. She made a great recovery from the stroke. She took care of herself and her dog( dog passed away 3 years ago),showered when she went for doctor visits, and sink bathed the other times. (She had been doing this even before stroke) As VD got more noticeable and then she was diagnosed with ahlzeimers , I started taking over her finances/meds. She no longer drives and I take her to all her appts. Her stove does not work, so not worried about that. I bring over breakfast lunch and dinner. I clean her house. She does still use the phone. She can walk, but better with her walker. She had always known who I am until recently. She thought I was a friend a few times, not her daughter. I knew that would happen, but I also know she feels safe with me. She still has her personality, like joking with me and sarcastic. We laugh a bunch. She is not incontinent, wears regular underwear. (Not sure how often she changes it though) She does walk around her living room (walker) for exercise because it is “Too cold or too hot” to walk outside. I want her to live on her own as long as possible for her, but not sure when she shouldn’t be on her own. The neurologist knows she lives on her own and has not said anything about that. I struggle with her showering so rarely, and only sink cleaning. She doesn’t like showering, too cold, tiring etc… I feel I like she is still too independent to do bed baths. She doesn’t brush her teeth regularly unless I am standing there, which is fine. She wears the same clothes and doesn’t change into pjs at night often. I don’t care about that…pick you battles right? This seems to be working ok but not sure what signs I should be looking for that she should not be alone and move in with me. Again, she is literally right next door to me and I am always in and out over there. She has ALWAYS liked being alone. She had never been social or have many hobbies. She likes staying home and watching tv. She has done that for the past 20 years years or so.
The "arrangement" we've always had (but now she seems to disagree) is that she goes into the very excellent facility 3 miles from my house if she's no longer safe to stay in her home OR I am overwhelmed by her care. Keep in mind, there's always a first and last time she becomes unsafe.