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Finding the Elder Care Attorney is your first step, and interview a couple until you find one that agrees with your gut feeling. Most offer free consultations. Then, you will need to get the date of diagnosis and get the other Will thrown out with their help. However, with POA he can spend any possible inheritance down to ensure he gets it all before she passes. I think you need to focus on getting the POA rescinded as well... but are you willing to take the responsibility that goes with that??
This scares the #&*& out of me. I have POA for both my parents, Mom is officially diagnosed with moderate dementia, and Dad probably will be at his appointments in the next month. I have had to lean on brother and SIL to assist with care, and moved my parents into AL in the town where they live. I am a 6 hour drive away and am not moving. I can see them 'gunning' for POA and they appear very resentful that "I control all the information" and have the Wills and other important documents in my possession (recently reviewed and approved by an Elder Law attorney). SIL took over paying their bills 6 months ago and I'm already seeing things I'm NOT happy about - late fees, 'loans' to themselves that were paid back... but still! And they resent that I even have logins to look at any of it. I can just see this in the future - and there is another brother on SSDI due to mental health issues. I try and keep all knowledge far, far away from him.
I'm totally on board with any inheritance, if not expended on care and medical, being split evenly in spite of my many years of being the caregiver before their involvement..... but I'm pretty sure they're thinking that since they are stepping up that somehow that is going to change.
These things are SO hard to deal with... find a lawyer to help you ASAP and block his control of the situation. ALL decisions should be made to honor your PARENTS decisions and in their best interest... seems like there is some reason that he thinks he is the center of the situation. So sad.
How many times have we heard this? I am sorry that this has happened to you. For some reason this changing of POA or changing of a parent's Will by the other sibling is getting more and more common. Since your Mom has been diagnosed with Dementia, you might be able to contest the change of the Will since it was changed after the diagnosis.
However, the changing of the Will is just the "tip of the iceberg" of the problems that you are going to face since your brother has POA of your Mom. He could take all of her money and leave her unable to pay for her own nursing home care; he could restrict your access to your Mom and deny you visitation rights with your Mom, he could put your Mom in a nursing home that you do not want her to go into (and you will have no part of that decision), and so forth. You need to talk to an Elder Care Attorney (and definitely NOT the same attorney that changed your Mom's Will) and ask what your options are. Good Luck.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
This scares the #&*& out of me. I have POA for both my parents, Mom is officially diagnosed with moderate dementia, and Dad probably will be at his appointments in the next month. I have had to lean on brother and SIL to assist with care, and moved my parents into AL in the town where they live. I am a 6 hour drive away and am not moving. I can see them 'gunning' for POA and they appear very resentful that "I control all the information" and have the Wills and other important documents in my possession (recently reviewed and approved by an Elder Law attorney). SIL took over paying their bills 6 months ago and I'm already seeing things I'm NOT happy about - late fees, 'loans' to themselves that were paid back... but still! And they resent that I even have logins to look at any of it. I can just see this in the future - and there is another brother on SSDI due to mental health issues. I try and keep all knowledge far, far away from him.
I'm totally on board with any inheritance, if not expended on care and medical, being split evenly in spite of my many years of being the caregiver before their involvement..... but I'm pretty sure they're thinking that since they are stepping up that somehow that is going to change.
These things are SO hard to deal with... find a lawyer to help you ASAP and block his control of the situation. ALL decisions should be made to honor your PARENTS decisions and in their best interest... seems like there is some reason that he thinks he is the center of the situation. So sad.
Y
However, the changing of the Will is just the "tip of the iceberg" of the problems that you are going to face since your brother has POA of your Mom. He could take all of her money and leave her unable to pay for her own nursing home care; he could restrict your access to your Mom and deny you visitation rights with your Mom, he could put your Mom in a nursing home that you do not want her to go into (and you will have no part of that decision), and so forth. You need to talk to an Elder Care Attorney (and definitely NOT the same attorney that changed your Mom's Will) and ask what your options are. Good Luck.