
long and complicated story short, my mom (in her early 60s) has a compromised immune system, bad scoliosis and suffers from neuropathy. She also is bipolar with borderline personality disorder and she lashes out at me. She’s needed a lot of care for decades. Her husband divorced her a few years ago and my brothers barely have anything to do with her anymore. I’m the sole caregiver now and she expects me to do everything. Get all of her meals, help her in and out of her chair for bathroom breaks at night, help her dress, do all of her shopping, keep track of bills and her accounts and resolve most problems for her. If she does try to take care of things herself she has a meltdown. Swears, throws things and verbally lashes out at me until I take care of it for her. She had surgery 6 months ago, so since I live an hour away i have to stay with her while she is recovering. I’m trying to carve out time to go home on the weekends and spend time with my boyfriend and tend to my online business but it’s difficult. The more help I give the more she expects. Right now she’s sick with a virus and insists it’s my fault and I need to stay with her this weekend. She didn’t ask, she demanded. I stay with her day and night for the bulk of the week. She claims she won’t be capable of heating up the meals I set up for her ahead of time. Her surgery is healed, painful still if she does things, but healed. I want to start sleeping at home again and come up 3 days a week like before but am afraid to brooch the subject as I’ll most certainly be lashed out at. She talks about suicide any time things don’t go her way and is a master at manipulation and guilt trips. Don’t get me wrong, she can also be incredibly wonderful, caring and supportive and sacrificed a lot as a parent. But the flip side of her personality is destroying me. I have my own health issues and chronic pain as well but nothing to her degree. I’m mentally physically and emotionally exhausted and don’t know what to do anymore. I have high functioning Asperger’s so I can over react to things. Am I being unreasonable thinking she can do more for herself? I don’t want to marginalize her pain and suffering but I need to take care of myself too. Thanks for listening.
