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She has no responsibility whatsoever, gets waited on hand and foot, watches tv and her tablet all day, but would rather go in her incontinence product than TRY to get up, and takes pleasure in watching me clean the bathroom and change her bedding once she actually does get up, like I owe her the luxury of doing this. It’s very manipulative and cruel. Showering is the same thing, she smells up the whole house and then if you talk to her about showering, she tries to act like a victim. She doesn’t qualify for a nursing home or an aide, because there is nothing technically wrong with her. She’s just controlling and manipulative.
Your mother either has dementia or mental illness. It’s simply not normal to be content to sit in one’s waste. Regardless, she’s proven she’s not changing, so it’s time that you did. There’s no requirement that you live together or continue in this role. If you’re living in her house, move out. If she’s living in yours, let her know she’s no longer welcome and will be moving out. Please value your health and safety, don’t continue to do this, it’s not good for mom or you
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Your mother’s behavior is not normal. And your behavior is not normal either. Why are you putting up with this? Why are you doing all these things for her, when she has “no dementia or cognitive problems”. You say that “there is nothing technically wrong with her. She’s just controlling and manipulative”.

Your question is grammatical and well written, so you have brains and you had a reasonable education. There seems to be no reason for you to behave abnormally as well as 'mother'.
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Beedevil66 2 hours ago
If you've watched the show My 600lb life this sounds similar to the James K story, where his family and wife, Lisa waited on him hand and foot. Sadly, he passed. Before then, he did nothing to change his situation.
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No dementia? Are you sure? What normal person does this?

Time for her to go into a facility rather than what you've got going on.

Please consider your lack of boundaries for yourself. You need to defend them because she's never going to acknowledge them.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Is she living in your house? Move her out. Are you living in her house? Move out. In the meantime, STOP waiting on her hand and foot. Stop doing anything for her. Let her get her own meals, etc. If she wants to sit in her own dirty diaper, let her. If she wants to sleep on filthy sheets, let her. Why are you doing any of this for her? You deserve much, much better, so extricate yourself from her manipulation and cruelty. Let her fend for herself.
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Sorry, removing duplicate post.
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