Her refusal to go includes 2-year-old type temper tantrums. I was able to get her to go look at an independent living facility, but when we got there she literally acted deaf, blind, dumb, and asleep the entire time, so she wouldn’t have to live there. I don’t know what to do.
* You do not argue ever.
* You tell her 'we're going out to lunch ... then take her to the MD. Period.
You learn to take control as she cannot.
If she is determined to be of sound mind, you let go.
You learn that you can do so much and you need to stop.
While it is a very sad reality, many elders decline due to a lack of self-care while still being considered legally of sound mind to make their own decisions.
The other scenario that often happens:
* She will have a fall and end up in the ER. Then, afterwards transferred to either rehab or a nursing home (or wherever).
* Call Adult Protective Services (APS) and ask them to make a house call to assess her / needs.
* Clearly, you do not ever 'ask her' to go xxx. You just take her ... it is for her own benefit and she won't understand that ... she will blame you ... you need to know / feel confident in knowing you are doing what you do for her well-being, even if she doesn't understand that.
She is cognitively impaired, scared, likely may not know what is happening to her (brain) ... give her compassion while taking control.
Of course she won't want to move, live in a facility ... with strangers. Who would at 87 years old (well, just a small percentage perhaps). She is doing what she can to maintain the independence she feels she has ... and wants. She will fight to the end for that. Transitions like these are VERY DIFFICULT and heartbreaking for everyone concerned. She will adjust and it may take a while.
You do what you can for her and then you let go.
First, be sure all the legal documentation is in order.
Gena / Touch Matters
So other than trying the story line that her Medicare now requires her to go once a year for a physical(which some actually do), and then slip her doctor a note ahead of time explaining what is going on with your mom, so they can "test" her, you will have to wait for something bad to happen that lands her in the ER, and then you let the hospital know that she cannot return home as she is an "unsafe discharge" and they will then have to get her placed in the appropriate facility.
And guaranteed something bad will happen, it's just a matter of time.
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