Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Hospice is a blessing. At the beginning, they only come out a couple of days a week, but as the illness progresses, they will stay with you more to help with care. At the end stages, they will stay with you full time.
My mother had dementia. I never really knew what kind. In her last few years, it seemed she had a UTI every three or four months. She also suffered with spinal stenosis and began falling. Her legs would just buckle with no warning. My hubby and I moved into her home so that she could remain comfortable and with her "things" around her. She fell because she wouldn't let us help her. She broke several bones on her face and had to spend time in a rehab facility. When she followed up with her pcp, he told her that he thought she needed to go to assisted living for a while. Her needs were becoming more and I was physically unable to handle her due to my own physical limitations. She told him she was done with hospitals and doctors. He told her that she thereby gave him no choice but to ask for Hospice evaluation/care. She qualified, of course, so we started with them. Within 4 weeks, she fell during the night and broke her wrist, again not calling for assistance. The doctors would not consider surgery at her age (92), so she just had a soft cast. The decision was made to catheterize. Then she developed the usual UTI. She didn't want any lifesaving measures taken, and had that noted in her Living Will. Hospice care was with us through all of this, giving us loving guidance and caring. She lived for another 30 days after breaking her arm. We could not have asked for more care, wisdom, and guidance with the situation. That was the third family member who was assisted by Hospice and the care and attention was something we will never forget. The Hospice teams in our area are truly an asset to the health-care facilities they work with.
We have chronic UTIs with incontinence and have been advised that because many are antibiotic resistant to not use hospital until we are sure it’s the end because they won’t give iv antibiotics (the only ones available for these resistant strains - might be because of the pill penalty). Just something to consider if you have that issue. A friend told me she had to request her mom be removed from hospice and it was difficult to reestablish with her old primary. Another consideration on timing.
Hydration and uti treatment have helped us through weakness and dellerium that might be seen as end of life. Crazy what we’ve been through this last year.
My prayer is that Jesus take her gently in her sleep so I don’t have to make these tough decisions!
Please get as much help as you can from friends and other resources so you can enjoy whatever time is left with your mom. I’ll be praying for wisdom and strength as you navigate this time.
My husband had vascular dementia and from beginning to end, it was just about 5 years. I did not recognize the signs at first. He had lost of thoughts I am assisting g others and words. He wandered and had many mini strokes. He made it known to all that he dud not want to have any more tests once he was diagnosed with an MRI. He took medicine only to treat his symptoms and to stay calm. He had awful panic attacks and was frightened knowing something was very wrong. I stayed with him at home till the very end. W weeks before he died, he fell and had a major stroke and was partially paralyzed. Our two children took medical leave and we gave him w4 hour care at home as he wished. He passed very peacefully in his own bed surrounded by his children, grandchildren and me. He smiled and looked at each one of us and simply closed his eyes with that beautiful smile reaching to the sky! Just like he wanted. Hospice was great but not enough helpers and aides to give us much time. A year later I am caring for other elderly people in need. I am contemplating becoming a " death doula" but for now am content with giving a helping hand and keeping patients at home with those they love most. Best to you...build a solid support system for your Mom and yourself.
Hospice has nurses and staff that are usually assigned to help with treatment and care based on the level and stages as well as severity of the medical condition. You can search the national hospice association, talk with physician or nurse, get a staging level based off of which stage of dementia they may be in , have cognitive and palliative care as well as someone to help arrange and guide your treatment process. You can contact your local department of angling or hospital association for resources and placement opportunities.
Hospice will provide a nurse to visit her regularly, will provide medications to make her comfortable, but will not provide medications to prolong life. For instance, blood pressure medication, or vitamin supplements would not be given, but that doesn't mean you can't buy it and administer if you think it's something she needs.
Hospice should also provide a CNA to help the patient with bathing once or twice a week.
She may not pass within 6 months. At that time, she would be re-evaluated by a hospice nurse, and if she continues to fit the criteria to be eligible, Hospice will be renewed. If she shows improvement, and is no longer eligible, then she will be discharged from Hospice. That doesn't mean you can't request hospice services again in the future.
Hospice will answer most all your questions. Mom has lost portions of her memory. Also, her brain controls her bodily functions, therefore if the part that controls an organ can’t get blood, that organ may fail. But hospice can keep her out of pain and comfortable. Work with them ask your questions.
My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's but I think he also had Vascular dementia. He was on Hospice. I could not have done what I was able to do if it were not for Hospice. He had a Nurse that came to see him 1 time a week. He had a CNA that came 2 times a week. As he declined the sent another to help the first one. The Nurse ordered all his medical supplies and she also ordered the equipment that I needed to make it safe for me, and him to be cared for at home. All the supplies she ordered were delivered to the house. The CNA would order all the personal care items I needed. These were also delivered to the house. When I needed a break and could not get the paid caregiver to change hours I could ask for a Volunteer to some sit with him. Honestly I could not have safely cared for him at home if it were not for Hospice. And for those that say Hospice will "kill" the patient. They did a real poor job of that with my husband...he was on Hospice for almost 3 years. (He did have to go through many "recertifications" to be sure that he continued to meet Medicare guidelines.. I can't stress enough to document each and every decline you notice in order to help meet those guidelines)
We seem always to get questions "Has anyone dealt with"....... The answer is irrelevant. All dementias-- all illness really-- is as individual as one's own fingerprint. Whether our loved one had vascular dementia or not is meaningless to you. Our journey will have been completely unlike your own.
Generally, when hospice is ordered, the ordering MD who is suggesting hospice is, according to his/her own experience ordering because he KNOWS your own loved one, and thinks that treatment and attempts to prolong life at all costs is a sort of torture.
So do tell us more. What is the condition now of your mother, and what is her quality of life? Why does the MD believe that she will die soon, and should now receive only comfort care? What do YOU feel about Mom'se current quality? What are your feelings about hospice, and are YOU the person who must OK hospice care? If you are in charge, what were your mother's beliefs about what constitutes a good quality of life before she lost her ability to make her own decisions?
When you ask "Has anyone else's loved on had Vascular dementia" it makes me think that our own story will give you some clues how to proceed, but what really you need to consider now is your mom's quality of life. And what benefits or worries you have regarding hospice.
Do give us some more info about your Mom so we can try to help you make your own decisions, if this is your decision to make. I am so sorry and so wish you the best, and wish peace and ease for your mom.
No, the Dr recommending it doesn't always KNOW the patient they just read their charts...my mom was in hospital and on duty dr decided/recommended this. Regardless, try to not be condescending to the poser of the question.
Hospice can be a really great service to both the dying and those that love and care for them. My mom had Vascular Dementia and Alzheimers. The vascular started earlier.
Unfortunately my mom had an acute infection and was on hospice for only 15 minutes before she died. I do have e the benefit of access to the bereavement support services through hospice which is very helpful.
Wow! I have friends whose mother was in Hospice care for only about 3 or 4 days, but 15 minutes is truly sad. I am so sorry for your loss. My mom was only in Hospice care for about 3 months. The team was extremely knowledgeable and caring. I don't know what we would have done without their assistance.
Hang in there, Beverly. It's hard. My mother was just put on hospice a few weeks ago. She's been in memory care for a little over 2 years with Alzheimer's, congestive heart failure, and Parkinson's. After her 4th fall in a month the facility suggested that "it's time." Honestly, I'm thrilled about her having the opportunity for hospice. It means more eyes and hands on her (RN visits 2+ times per week), chaplain visits, access for me to a social worker when my mother passes, and so on. She can eat and drink just fine "today," but we all know how quickly that can change. I'm glad she/we are able to establish a relationship now with the hospice team prior to the time when she stops eating, loses consciousness, and starts her journey to the other side.
Hospice will give you no respite from mother since you still have to care for her 24/7 while she's under hospice care at home. What I don't understand is why you haven't used MOTHER'S funds to HIRE in home help to relieve you of this burden and anger you feel??? She makes too much for Medicaid, you say, so why not use some of that money to get out of the house for the day and relax, calm down? Your mother is not the only one who needs "the right thing" done for her......you are another player in this game! Get hospice, yes, but that's a few hours a week, if that, where a nurse stops by to take vitals, and a CNA comes by to bathe mom. A chaplain and social worker stop by periodically, and that's it. You dole out the meds and do all the rest of the care, same as always.
My mother had vascular dementia and lived in Memory Care Assisted Living. She had hospice come on board in Dec of 2022 and she didn't seem close to death either. Yet she was in her 6th yr of this aggressive form of dementia. On Feb 15, she felt tired after breakfast and went to bed. She became semi comatose and never woke up. She died exactly 7 days later, peacefully, and in no pain.
We have no idea when an elder will pass, in reality.
Allow hospice to explain their goal to you. To keep mother comfortable, w/o taking life saving measures to keep her alive. To keep her out of hospitals and away from poking and prodding and imaging. The goal of hospice is to allow nature to take its course w/o needless interventions. You dole out comfort meds as needed. Addiction is not of concern because the patient is now at end of life. The goal is to stay comfortable and free from anxiety only. Hospice can be fired at any time. Please read their paperwork and understand that their goal is not to kill your mother but to keep her comfortable. So many folks come to A.C. after a parent dies accusing hospice of "killing" them when it was the disease or condition that was the cause, not hospice. It's important to know what you're signing up for when you do.
I had good experiences with hospice for both of my parents. Although its a very unpleasant experience to watch a loved one die. In my opinion, it's worse to see that loved one continue to suffer with dementia day in and day out than it is to be at final and perfect peace with God.
My late husband had vascular dementia and was under hospice care in our home the last 22 months of his life. I'm sure you're aware that vascular dementia is the most aggressive of all of the dementias with a life expectancy of just 5 years, so if your moms had it for several years now it may be time to bring hospice on board. And keep in mind that just because hospice is brought on board it doesn't mean that your mom will die anytime soon, because like I said, my late husband was under their care for the last 22 months of his life. Bringing hospice on board will mean extra sets of eyes on your mom, with a nurse coming to check on her once a week to start and aides coming to bathe her about twice a week. They will also supply any and all needed equipment, supplies and medications all covered 100% under your moms Medicare. I wish you well as you make the decision to do what is now best for your mom.
Thanks for all your help. She is declining but I don’t see her near death soon. I will just be thankful to have help. It’s so hard since I am the only child left living. Thank god for my husband who is a lifesaver for me. It’s just so physically and mentally exhausting. But hopefully with hospice we can get a little relief.
My mom has what we call "valleys" and "rallies." This year, there have been about six days when she has seemed near death: sleeping to the point of being unresponsive for many hours. The next day, she's back at her "new normal": conscious, able to go into the dining room for meals, talking, etc. She regularly has hallucinations, so I wouldn't necessarily classify this behavior as caused by impending death. A few weeks ago, a hospice nurse said Mom might live for three more years like this.
That must be extraordinarily difficult. Prayers for you and her.
My dads decline was mostly valleys followed by a cliff followed by his active dying under hospice. It took 11 days. I suppose we were the fortunate ones.
My friend's husband with the same issues as your mom passed away in hospice care a few weeks ago. He was in memory care, and the hospice organization is owned by the same family company as the memory care. "Roger" had mixed dementia and was incontinent. He also had palsy, couldn't walk or speak except for a few words now and then. He did understand what others were saying to some extent. He had a beautiful smile and reacted to events around him.
However, he began to spit out his food though he'd been a good eater. Then he started being unable to swallow every time. He'd cough food and saliva up. Eventually, for days, he refused to eat and fell asleep instead. He began to sleep all the time except for brief waking periods. His body was shutting down. Hospice doctor and nurse conferred with his wife, and they all agreed that Roger would no longer be offered food. In such a case, the patient feels pain if they drink or eat. Wife and family gathered at the facility to say goodbyes and were there for several hours. I was there to lend support. Roger was slightly aware and smiled.
When they left at 5 p.m., morphine was started and he went to sleep in his room in his bed. Hospice nurses stayed with him constantly. Roger was turned on a regular schedule. His briefs were changed on schedule also. This continued through the next day, and he slept peacefully. Family was in and out, telling him they loved him and holding his hand, smoothing his hair, and talking quietly with each other. In the early hours of the following day, Roger passed gently after a few deep breaths and then no more. His family was grateful for his peaceful passing. His son, an R.N. who had worked with hospice in the past, said that medical protocol was followed perfectly and that they couldn't have asked for better care for his dad.
I’m just so confused with this vascular dementia. Today she was able to eat a grilled cheese sandwich really well. And another minute she can’t swallow at all. I’m sure she is in the last stages because she seems to be talking to people who aren’t there. I think now is a good time for hospice. They are coming Friday to discuss everything.
unjust want to be doing what’s right for her. Thank you all for all your help.
My mom, age 97, lives in an assisted-living memory care facility. She has been receiving hospice services for more than 1 year. The hospice services were approved because of a tentative diagnosis of congestive heart failure; mom also has cognitive issues that might be caused by vascular dementia. My family has been very satisfied with the hospice services.
My dad’s official diagnosis was frontotemporal dementia (FTD), but his neurologist said his brain deterioration was consistent with Alzheimer’s, FTD, and vascular combined.
He got to the point where he was falling almost every time he tried to stand and he had swallowing problems and incontinence and other issues.
We elected hospice and I think it was 100% helpful and the right decision for him. I would do it again, no question. I think you are doing the right thing. That doesn’t make it easy. It’s hard. It’s sad. But hospice is there to help you both through it.
The hospice provider we used had 24/7 phone support where a real human answered day or night. The nurse or nurse coordinator would call you back with any questions. The nurse would come once a week or for emergencies. They also had an in-patient facility where in the end we did take my dad as it was no longer safe or practical to manage him at home his last few days. We could visit him there 24/7 but trained professionals did all his care and they were kind and compassionate.
I had an aunt who forgot how to eat. Her husband would feed her, telling her to open her mouth, at which point she would just chew and chew and chew. He had to tell her to swallow and help her do so
Hey bev. My dad was on hospice. Here are some takeaways both good and bad.
Hospice is a doctor managed process in name only. The point of contact is usually an RN and not a RN that has managed to get the NP or PA credentials either. We had a member here very recently stating that an rn had ORDERED THEIR FAMILY that there was to be no more food or water despite the client still wanting it and being able to consume it. I would choose a hospice that will have a 24/7 number to that docs answering service.
I would also consider going with a hospice with a dedicated hospice home.
Having read your answer below to Barb, Beverly, I think I understand. Your mother, it would seem as severe end stage dementia now, is likely more or less bed bound and you indicated is incontinent and cannot swallow. Indeed this is the progression with end stage dementia and it looks like the doctor is suggesting that she is extremely unlikely to survive anywhere near another 6 months. This definitely happens when there's no ability to swallow. Left in this condition eventually Mom would stop reacting at all, curl into a fetal position where she would get bed sores and contractures.
Attempts to feed at this point create really only a good chance of aspiration of food into the lung, and aspiration which would cause pneumonia and death. Once, long ago, pneumonia was known as "the old person's friend" in that it ushered them out of this veil of suffering.
I would discuss with Hospice now what is happening, what is provided, what to expect. Do consider tuning in on youtube to free videos by Nurse Julie, who is in fact a hospice nurse.
Many of us here have seen our loved ones out via Hospice when there was no hope. My own brother died in Hospice care when he got sepsis from a small sore on his shin, and was completely resistant to any antibiotics we currently have. He died within weeks.
While Hospice may, with the administration of drugs to prevent agitation and confusion and hallucination as toxins build in the body and the organs shut down, cause death to come a bit more quickly than it would by some minutes, hours, days, even weeks, the goal now is comfort and mercy.
I am sorry for your loss. If you have specific questions go to your hospice team. If you wish to ask them here, do come back to us. Holding you in thought. This is very difficult, we know.
Does your mom have any other health issues aside from Vascular Dementia?
My mom was admitted to a NH with Vascular Dementia, CHF and broken hip in 2013. We were told that she was hospice eligible.
I wanted to sign on to that, but my brother, who was co POA with me said no. Mom lived for another 4 1/2 years, got a pacemaker, survived two bouts of pneumonia and a couple of chest taps for fluid buildup.
This was NOT what I would have chosen for myself; mom made us CO health POAs so we needed to discuss and agree.
No she doesn’t have any other health issues. She is just at the point where she can’t walk on her own, has trouble swallowing and has to wear diapers. She keeps falling when she tries to walk. I just want to make sure it’s the right thing. I am her only caregiver.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
That was the third family member who was assisted by Hospice and the care and attention was something we will never forget. The Hospice teams in our area are truly an asset to the health-care facilities they work with.
Hydration and uti treatment have helped us through weakness and dellerium that might be seen as end of life. Crazy what we’ve been through this last year.
My prayer is that Jesus take her gently in her sleep so I don’t have to make these tough decisions!
Please get as much help as you can from friends and other resources so you can enjoy whatever time is left with your mom. I’ll be praying for wisdom and strength as you navigate this time.
Best to you...build a solid support system for your Mom and yourself.
Hospice should also provide a CNA to help the patient with bathing once or twice a week.
She may not pass within 6 months. At that time, she would be re-evaluated by a hospice nurse, and if she continues to fit the criteria to be eligible, Hospice will be renewed. If she shows improvement, and is no longer eligible, then she will be discharged from Hospice. That doesn't mean you can't request hospice services again in the future.
But hospice can keep her out of pain and comfortable. Work with them ask your questions.
He was on Hospice.
I could not have done what I was able to do if it were not for Hospice.
He had a Nurse that came to see him 1 time a week.
He had a CNA that came 2 times a week. As he declined the sent another to help the first one.
The Nurse ordered all his medical supplies and she also ordered the equipment that I needed to make it safe for me, and him to be cared for at home. All the supplies she ordered were delivered to the house.
The CNA would order all the personal care items I needed. These were also delivered to the house.
When I needed a break and could not get the paid caregiver to change hours I could ask for a Volunteer to some sit with him.
Honestly I could not have safely cared for him at home if it were not for Hospice.
And for those that say Hospice will "kill" the patient. They did a real poor job of that with my husband...he was on Hospice for almost 3 years. (He did have to go through many "recertifications" to be sure that he continued to meet Medicare guidelines.. I can't stress enough to document each and every decline you notice in order to help meet those guidelines)
The answer is irrelevant. All dementias-- all illness really-- is as individual as one's own fingerprint. Whether our loved one had vascular dementia or not is meaningless to you. Our journey will have been completely unlike your own.
Generally, when hospice is ordered, the ordering MD who is suggesting hospice is, according to his/her own experience ordering because he KNOWS your own loved one, and thinks that treatment and attempts to prolong life at all costs is a sort of torture.
So do tell us more.
What is the condition now of your mother, and what is her quality of life?
Why does the MD believe that she will die soon, and should now receive only comfort care?
What do YOU feel about Mom'se current quality? What are your feelings about hospice, and are YOU the person who must OK hospice care?
If you are in charge, what were your mother's beliefs about what constitutes a good quality of life before she lost her ability to make her own decisions?
When you ask "Has anyone else's loved on had Vascular dementia" it makes me think that our own story will give you some clues how to proceed, but what really you need to consider now is your mom's quality of life. And what benefits or worries you have regarding hospice.
Do give us some more info about your Mom so we can try to help you make your own decisions, if this is your decision to make.
I am so sorry and so wish you the best, and wish peace and ease for your mom.
Regardless, try to not be condescending to the poser of the question.
Unfortunately my mom had an acute infection and was on hospice for only 15 minutes before she died. I do have e the benefit of access to the bereavement support services through hospice which is very helpful.
My mother had vascular dementia and lived in Memory Care Assisted Living. She had hospice come on board in Dec of 2022 and she didn't seem close to death either. Yet she was in her 6th yr of this aggressive form of dementia. On Feb 15, she felt tired after breakfast and went to bed. She became semi comatose and never woke up. She died exactly 7 days later, peacefully, and in no pain.
We have no idea when an elder will pass, in reality.
Allow hospice to explain their goal to you. To keep mother comfortable, w/o taking life saving measures to keep her alive. To keep her out of hospitals and away from poking and prodding and imaging. The goal of hospice is to allow nature to take its course w/o needless interventions. You dole out comfort meds as needed. Addiction is not of concern because the patient is now at end of life. The goal is to stay comfortable and free from anxiety only. Hospice can be fired at any time. Please read their paperwork and understand that their goal is not to kill your mother but to keep her comfortable. So many folks come to A.C. after a parent dies accusing hospice of "killing" them when it was the disease or condition that was the cause, not hospice. It's important to know what you're signing up for when you do.
I had good experiences with hospice for both of my parents. Although its a very unpleasant experience to watch a loved one die. In my opinion, it's worse to see that loved one continue to suffer with dementia day in and day out than it is to be at final and perfect peace with God.
Best of luck to you.
I'm sure you're aware that vascular dementia is the most aggressive of all of the dementias with a life expectancy of just 5 years, so if your moms had it for several years now it may be time to bring hospice on board.
And keep in mind that just because hospice is brought on board it doesn't mean that your mom will die anytime soon, because like I said, my late husband was under their care for the last 22 months of his life.
Bringing hospice on board will mean extra sets of eyes on your mom, with a nurse coming to check on her once a week to start and aides coming to bathe her about twice a week. They will also supply any and all needed equipment, supplies and medications all covered 100% under your moms Medicare.
I wish you well as you make the decision to do what is now best for your mom.
My dads decline was mostly valleys followed by a cliff followed by his active dying under hospice. It took 11 days. I suppose we were the fortunate ones.
However, he began to spit out his food though he'd been a good eater. Then he started being unable to swallow every time. He'd cough food and saliva up. Eventually, for days, he refused to eat and fell asleep instead. He began to sleep all the time except for brief waking periods. His body was shutting down. Hospice doctor and nurse conferred with his wife, and they all agreed that Roger would no longer be offered food. In such a case, the patient feels pain if they drink or eat. Wife and family gathered at the facility to say goodbyes and were there for several hours. I was there to lend support. Roger was slightly aware and smiled.
When they left at 5 p.m., morphine was started and he went to sleep in his room in his bed. Hospice nurses stayed with him constantly. Roger was turned on a regular schedule. His briefs were changed on schedule also. This continued through the next day, and he slept peacefully. Family was in and out, telling him they loved him and holding his hand, smoothing his hair, and talking quietly with each other. In the early hours of the following day, Roger passed gently after a few deep breaths and then no more. His family was grateful for his peaceful passing. His son, an R.N. who had worked with hospice in the past, said that medical protocol was followed perfectly and that they couldn't have asked for better care for his dad.
unjust want to be doing what’s right for her. Thank you all for all your help.
My dad’s official diagnosis was frontotemporal dementia (FTD), but his neurologist said his brain deterioration was consistent with Alzheimer’s, FTD, and vascular combined.
He got to the point where he was falling almost every time he tried to stand and he had swallowing problems and incontinence and other issues.
We elected hospice and I think it was 100% helpful and the right decision for him. I would do it again, no question. I think you are doing the right thing. That doesn’t make it easy. It’s hard. It’s sad. But hospice is there to help you both through it.
The hospice provider we used had 24/7 phone support where a real human answered day or night. The nurse or nurse coordinator would call you back with any questions. The nurse would come once a week or for emergencies. They also had an in-patient facility where in the end we did take my dad as it was no longer safe or practical to manage him at home his last few days. We could visit him there 24/7 but trained professionals did all his care and they were kind and compassionate.
Best wishes to you getting through this.
Hospice is a doctor managed process in name only. The point of contact is usually an RN and not a RN that has managed to get the NP or PA credentials either. We had a member here very recently stating that an rn had ORDERED THEIR FAMILY that there was to be no more food or water despite the client still wanting it and being able to consume it. I would choose a hospice that will have a 24/7 number to that docs answering service.
I would also consider going with a hospice with a dedicated hospice home.
Indeed this is the progression with end stage dementia and it looks like the doctor is suggesting that she is extremely unlikely to survive anywhere near another 6 months. This definitely happens when there's no ability to swallow. Left in this condition eventually Mom would stop reacting at all, curl into a fetal position where she would get bed sores and contractures.
Attempts to feed at this point create really only a good chance of aspiration of food into the lung, and aspiration which would cause pneumonia and death. Once, long ago, pneumonia was known as "the old person's friend" in that it ushered them out of this veil of suffering.
I would discuss with Hospice now what is happening, what is provided, what to expect. Do consider tuning in on youtube to free videos by Nurse Julie, who is in fact a hospice nurse.
Many of us here have seen our loved ones out via Hospice when there was no hope. My own brother died in Hospice care when he got sepsis from a small sore on his shin, and was completely resistant to any antibiotics we currently have. He died within weeks.
While Hospice may, with the administration of drugs to prevent agitation and confusion and hallucination as toxins build in the body and the organs shut down, cause death to come a bit more quickly than it would by some minutes, hours, days, even weeks, the goal now is comfort and mercy.
I am sorry for your loss. If you have specific questions go to your hospice team. If you wish to ask them here, do come back to us. Holding you in thought. This is very difficult, we know.
Does your mom have any other health issues aside from Vascular Dementia?
My mom was admitted to a NH with Vascular Dementia, CHF and broken hip in 2013. We were told that she was hospice eligible.
I wanted to sign on to that, but my brother, who was co POA with me said no. Mom lived for another 4 1/2 years, got a pacemaker, survived two bouts of pneumonia and a couple of chest taps for fluid buildup.
This was NOT what I would have chosen for myself; mom made us CO health POAs so we needed to discuss and agree.