Follow
Share

We don't ask her to pay anything. She is in her right mind so she isn't going crazy. She has run off all my kids out of my house but insist on having her so called family there whenever she wants. She says that her only family is my brother and his 2 kids. Which hurts my feelings. What can I do about putting her in a nursing home or getting her out of my house? I hate to do it but I can't loose my marriage too. Please help.

Find Care & Housing
sammiebaby02, welcome to the forum. If your Mom has enough money to pay your brother's bills, she probably has enough to live on her own, per say.


Note, your Mom sounds like she is doing well health wise, thus a nursing home would not accept her. Neither would Assistant Living. She would need to move to either a senior apartment where rent is based on her income. Or to a senior facility that has "Independent Living" where she has her own full size apartment (with her own full size kitchen) where she would get weekly housekeeping. My Dad moved to such a place and loved it, as he was around people of his own generation. Something to think about.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to freqflyer
Report

You can tell Mom that...this is your home not hers. That you have had enough and she either moves in with your brother or she finds a place of her own. No longer are you going to allow your children to be kicked out if YOUR home.

Call your Office of Aging and see where there is housing in her price range. If all she gets is SS and a pension, there are HUD apartments were she pats 30% of the rent. Gets heat and electricity maybe capped. You marriage is #1 here.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

Okay, she has run off your children in your own home? Yet, she still occupies your home and her favorite family members are allowed to visit instead? Focus on this.

Listen to the advice of these wise people here.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Scampie1
Report

File for eviction. Cut out your cable and internet.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to PeggySue2020
Report

Just kick her out. Why is this even a question? She is in her right mind and she has money to pay your brother's bills, so she can take her money and move in with him or out on her own. Tell her she has until March 1st, which is a Sunday, to find a place to live. Have a locksmith scheduled for March 2nd, which is a Monday, and change the locks. If she and/or her stuff are still in your house, put everything of hers out in the yard or driveway. Call your brother and his children and tell them to come pick her up.

Why would you prioritize this woman over your husband and children? Enough is enough. Live your life in peace with your own family.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to MG8522
Report

This reminds me of my mom declaring that her family was the most important ever and by that she meant her siblings and their kids. But it wasn't any of her siblings that took my grandmother in when she got old. Mom was stuck. Time to let your mom know she has a deadline to move out. Apologize to your kids and get therapy. It's time to start healing.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JustAnon
Report

Read Adult Children of Emotionally Unavailable Parents. Lindsey Gibson. Also YouTube on enmeshment and covert narcissist mothers. It won’t change the situation but give you more insight and hopefully, strength. Get her out of your home. Especially since she is in her right mind. She can move to an apartment for elderly or Alf or whatever. Don’t let her trap you in continuing caregiving. Let the idolized brother care for her for a few months. Then, you and brother support each other and place mother somewhere where she gets care you both just visit, on your terms.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Beethoven13
Report

WHHHHHY do you do this to yourself?? WHY?
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to southernwave
Report
Hothouseflower Feb 16, 2026
That's a good question and one that I ask myself constantly because of all I did for my family as I think abut the last miserable six years of my life and how I was treated during that time. My answer is that I was foolish.

I hope the OP stops being a victim and moves on. I really wish I had.
(3)
Report
Take freeloading Mom to your brother's house and drop her off. She says herself "that's her only family."

She will never leave her FREE setup at your house unless she is forced. Since she pays Brother's bills and doesn't give you money for rent or food, that's the logical solution.

Change the locks afterwards too.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to Dawn88
Report

Decide today that you deserve better. Decide you deserve your children in your home, not to be talked badly about, and to have peace within your marriage. Time for mom to leave by whatever means possible, you can pack up her stuff and take her to your brother’s home, legally evict her, or move her to a place with professional care, whichever is best for you. Don’t discuss any of it with her, it won’t help. I wish you courage and peace
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

You've got to be kidding me.

The second ANYONE tried to "run" my kids out of MY house would be the second I would tell that person to pack their bags and get the he** out. Immediately!

Tell mom to get out. If she's "in her right mind", then she should have NO problem fending for herself!

You don't want to be the "bad" guy, but that's what it is going to take. Why on Earth do you think mom will leave voluntarily when you are covering all of her expenses AND taking her B.S. to boot? Tell mom she has a choice - move out or start paying you $5,000 per month in rent. Make it so uncomfortable for her that SHE looks to leave. Don't do ANYTHING for her - not a meal, or a load of laundry, and tell her under NO circumstances is your brother and his kids allowed in YOUR home.

It seems to me that mom needs you way, way more than you need her; it's time to make her aware of the fact that her behavior has driven you to do this.

It's NOT your responsibility to get mom into a nursing home if she, indeed, is in her right mind. Let HER figure it out.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to notgoodenough
Report

How sad that you allowed your mother to run your own children out of your/their home. She's the one who needs to be run out, so perhaps you may have to start the eviction process through the sheriffs office to get her out.
And give her a notice of one month to find a new place to live since you say she's in her right mind. Or just let your brother know that you'll be dropping her off at his house with all her belongings at the end of the month, and he can deal with her since he's her "favorite."
You deserve to live in peace in your own home, so moms got to go ASAP.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to funkygrandma59
Report

The easiest way, but not the quickest way, is to wait until mom has a medical event that requires hospitalization. Then tell the hospital that she cannot come back to your home, and set up an AL facility for her to go to. She will not like it, but that is not your problem.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to olddude
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter