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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Not wrong. What is wrong is that you did not start this 10 years ago. Now...I might add fuel to your fire but she should be paying her FAIR share of ALL household expenses. For example if there are 3 of you in the house she pays 1/3 of Mortgage, gas, electric, water, garbage, food, homeowners insurance, HOA fee, and any other expense. AND if you take her to doctor appointments she should be paying you for gas and mileage.
fwiw if the mom is on SSI (the Supplemental Income program) there are some categories of expenses that cannot be paid by their SSI income. Overall “rent” is ok and has to be at least $351.33 each month. But somethings, like internet, HOA fees are not allowed to be specifically paid by the person on SSI. The rules on SSI are very restrictive and based on what lifestyle was like pre1990’s.
It can be a real rabbit hole to navigate. Easiest is to just do it as “rent” without specifics for those on SSI.
She should at least cover the expenses of her living there, you don't need to "profit" from it: utilities, cable and internet (if she uses those), taxes and insurance,, some maintenance and repairs. If she were out in the real world renting, this is what her rent would cover (but also profit). She couldn't find a nice, safe place like your home in the outside world for $600. Rents where I live are $1500 for a single bedroom.
Does she get SSI? What is she doing with that money if she's not paying rent?
Yes, she receives ssi. So, originally because her income wasn't much, I only took 300 a month for the first 9 and half years, which covered everythingfir her. My husband recently had very invasive neck surgery and is no longer able to work and she knows this and is still begrudging me the other money knowing that this will help me. She has never cooked a meal for me or my husband nore does she help with cleaning.
Rent and/or chipping in for utilities, food etc is always appropriate . She can’t live in an apartment for $600 a month . If Mom isn’t happy , she can move out . If Mom doesn’t have much money , she can put her name on the wait list for senior housing apts that the rent is based on her SS income
If you took in a boarder to live with you would you let them stay for free? If you yourself moved into someone's house would you expect them to charge you nothing?
Of course not.
So why would you think your mother isn't supposed to pay? $600 a month is more than fair and reasonable. In fact, it's generous. This is the price a person would give to family they love. Where I live it's at least $1,000 a month for a bedroom somewhere. Your mother is getting a very good deal with you asking $600 and she should be glad to get it.
Trying2Love, is your mom on SSI? Not SSDI or SS retirement income, but on Supplemental Security Income/SSI? If she’s on SSI, she is getting $994.00 per month. It’s a flat rate paid by the Federal Government. And maybe, she could be getting a bit more paid by her State. Like for California, those on SSI get Federal $994 PLUS the State of CA pays an additional $239.94, for a max of $1,233.94 per mo. Most States do not pay an additional income.
SS is really strict on SSI rules. If they determine she is living with others/ family and is getting “in kind support & maintenance” aka ISM, then that low $994 can be reduced. And mom needs to do things to not ever have ISM ever be a possibility. Which means she pays someone “rent”.
So, Is SSI what she is on? fwiw you can be on SSI for a lifetime. SSI can continue & be the only source of $ as they have little to no work history to do a SSA work based retirement income or a work based SS Disability Income/SSDI.
If mom is on SSI, it has very tight conditions as how “rent” is done and if it’s not done correctly, then that already low $994 can be reduced further. Why? Because it can trigger an ISM review. Based on your response to Geaton, it sounds like your mom is on SSI. Please pls reread what Beedevil posted as it’s accurate as to the problems that can happen if you do things outside the rules for SSI.
Heres what can happen: let’s say your brother on SSI lives with his Sister. He gets $994 a month SSI & his State does not pay any additional $ to those on SSI. Bro has to pay his Sister at least $351.33 a month for rent/housing. That $351.33 is the “Presumed Maximum Value for Rent” for the SSI system for 2026. If Bro did not pay Sissy at least $351.33, then SS looks at it as if he is getting “in kind support and maintenance” from his Sister and will REDUCE HIS $994 SSI BY $351.33 TO PAY ONLY $642.67 mo!!! The $351.33 is the 1/3 REDUCTION (of benefits) RULE. SSA will do a review on a persons SSI eligibility every 2-7 years…… so you do not want this to become an issue. The 1/3 reduction rule is very real & happens. Those on SSI should pay rent to keep this from happening.
Those on SSI can pay more than $351.33, that is OK. The extra amount is considered by SS to be a “business arrangement” and not subsidized housing or in-kind support (ISM).
Your mom paying you $600 a month is imo very reasonable. Remember that if she is on SSI, she cannot have more than 2K in assets at all. Her bank statement has to show she starts and ends her month under 2K. Her paying you rent helps this to happen. So ya have to be keeping up with this. Realistically you and mom should have a formal written rental agreement on this. Like what JoAnn posted. And keep receipts & records on all this.
The only thing you are "wrong" about is that you didn't charge her $600 monthly from the beginning! Do the math: 10 years x 12 months = 120 months x $600 = $7,200 you gave away.
Especially with your Mother never helping with meals or cleaning? So you like being an unpaid slave? If she has complaints, tell her to find somewhere cheaper.
I hope your husband heals quickly and you can get stabilized again. I don't think asking your mom to help out since as you say she does not cook or clean is a bad idea. As JoAnn29 said you might want to get it put in writing.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Now...I might add fuel to your fire but she should be paying her FAIR share of ALL household expenses.
For example if there are 3 of you in the house she pays 1/3 of Mortgage, gas, electric, water, garbage, food, homeowners insurance, HOA fee, and any other expense. AND if you take her to doctor appointments she should be paying you for gas and mileage.
It can be a real rabbit hole to navigate. Easiest is to just do it as “rent” without specifics for those on SSI.
Does she get SSI? What is she doing with that money if she's not paying rent?
Of course not.
So why would you think your mother isn't supposed to pay? $600 a month is more than fair and reasonable. In fact, it's generous. This is the price a person would give to family they love. Where I live it's at least $1,000 a month for a bedroom somewhere. Your mother is getting a very good deal with you asking $600 and she should be glad to get it.
SS is really strict on SSI rules. If they determine she is living with others/ family and is getting “in kind support & maintenance” aka ISM, then that low $994 can be reduced. And mom needs to do things to not ever have ISM ever be a possibility. Which means she pays someone “rent”.
So, Is SSI what she is on?
fwiw you can be on SSI for a lifetime. SSI can continue & be the only source of $ as they have little to no work history to do a SSA work based retirement income or a work based SS Disability Income/SSDI.
If mom is on SSI, it has very tight conditions as how “rent” is done and if it’s not done correctly, then that already low $994 can be reduced further. Why? Because it can trigger an ISM review. Based on your response to Geaton, it sounds like your mom is on SSI. Please pls reread what Beedevil posted as it’s accurate as to the problems that can happen if you do things outside the rules for SSI.
Heres what can happen: let’s say your brother on SSI lives with his Sister. He gets $994 a month SSI & his State does not pay any additional $ to those on SSI. Bro has to pay his Sister at least $351.33 a month for rent/housing. That $351.33 is the “Presumed Maximum Value for Rent” for the SSI system for 2026. If Bro did not pay Sissy at least $351.33, then SS looks at it as if he is getting “in kind support and maintenance” from his Sister and will REDUCE HIS $994 SSI BY $351.33 TO PAY ONLY $642.67 mo!!! The $351.33 is the 1/3 REDUCTION (of benefits) RULE. SSA will do a review on a persons SSI eligibility every 2-7 years…… so you do not want this to become an issue. The 1/3 reduction rule is very real & happens. Those on SSI should pay rent to keep this from happening.
Those on SSI can pay more than $351.33, that is OK. The extra amount is considered by SS to be a “business arrangement” and not subsidized housing or in-kind support (ISM).
Your mom paying you $600 a month is imo very reasonable. Remember that if she is on SSI, she cannot have more than 2K in assets at all. Her bank statement has to show she starts and ends her month under 2K. Her paying you rent helps this to happen. So ya have to be keeping up with this. Realistically you and mom should have a formal written rental agreement on this. Like what JoAnn posted. And keep receipts & records on all this.
and best of luck for your hubs getting healthy!
Do the math:
10 years x 12 months = 120 months x $600 = $7,200 you gave away.
Especially with your Mother never helping with meals or cleaning? So you like being an unpaid slave? If she has complaints, tell her to find somewhere cheaper.
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