My mother is 81 and lives in an independent living senior apartment . However she is incontinent and wets her bed every night. She has pills to take and now a Pur wic catheter to use at night. Both will help her tremendously IF she will take her pills and use the catheter. She has a caretaker two days per week because that’s all we can afford. Living with us is out of the question because of her demanding and sneaky and lying nature. I’ve tried leaving notes where her pills are, gently reminding her, explaining to her multiple times and the only thing I can think is she doesn’t want to or she wants the attention. She has said she “likes to be babied” so it’s not a stretch to think she would “forget” her pills. HELP! We live in MS Thank you
"...the only thing I can think..." is that she may have the beginnings of cognitive decline. Confirming this will require a full physical since some of those symptoms also are part of other health issues that are treatable (like a UTI, dehydration, vitamin deficiency, COPD, heart problems, etc).
Hopefully you Mom has a PoA. If so, this is the person that needs to start managing getting her medical attention and planning her future care. The PoA needs to read the document to see if it is "durable" (in effect immediately) or "springing" (needs an official medical diagnosis of impairment).
Your Mom seems to now need a higher level of care but she won't be the one to initiate this -- especially if she has cognitive decline, she isn't able to do it, she can't even if she wanted to. This may explain the behavior and choices you are seeing. You still think she's the Mom from 5 years ago. She's probably not. Best to start with a medical exam.
If she doesn't have a PoA then this should happen before a diagnosis. Talk to a certified elder law attorney for guidance. The legal bar for "capacity" is low.
I can only guess that she has no clue how to use the Pure wick without help so it may be time to have her placed in the appropriate facility. And if money is an issue you can apply for Medicaid for your mom.
If this is the only problem help from a staff person would be what she needs.
If the place she is living does not have Assisted Living it might be time to either look for an AL that would suit her OR hire a caregiver that will come in for a few hours each day and help out with a few of the things she needs done.
Keep in mind Mom pays for said caregiver NOT you.
Are there other indications that mom may have some type of dementia? If so it might be time to think about moving her anyway.
Placing an absorbent pad on the bed, having a waterproof mattress cover and using absorbent underwear (pull up type briefs or the washable absorbent underwear) will help protect the bedding to some degree if you can not get her to use the Pure Wick and take her meds.
In the meantime, eliminate certain foods that are known to irritate the bladder. Look up the IC diet, which will tell you what foods are most likely to irritate a chronically inflamed bladder or other bladders, for that matter. Caffeine (tea, coffee including decaf, colas), acidy fruits and vegetables (tomatoes, citrus, strawberries, etc.) should not be given. And there's much to read up on, so take a look.
As for her taking her pills and using equipment, that isn't likely. She needs 24/7 care so someone will be there around the clock to help her. It is fairly specialized help she needs, so don't worry about having to take care of her yourself. Aides in a facility are what's needed now.
Good luck, and I'm sorry for mom's problems. Unfortunately, they wont be going away, only getting worse.
Short of hiring a caregiver for 3 hours a day and have their key role of reminding Mom to take her meds I don't know that there is much you can do.
We found we could get someone with a 3 hour minimum.
Also, we found getting the meds in the med strip rolls that have dates and times to be very helpful. Then you can tell at a glance if she is taking them.
Here is an example. Scroll down on the website. Medication Packaging - Stedman Drug - Your Local Stedman Pharmacy
1) You don't really have to do anything. Let her live like this. Let her wet her bed every night. If she is needy for attention and demanding, you probably have very little control over the situation anyway. She is an adult. Let her make her own choices and resolve her own problems.
2) IF mom has dementia, or is unable to make competent decisions about her own care, then you must act.
3) Get a waterproof mattress cover and incontinence pads, washable or disposable. You don't want a mattress to get soaked.
4) Don't count on these bladder pills to keep her from being incontinent. I doubt they help much. If she is incontinent, use incontinence products. If she is having difficulty with the Pur wick, then try adult diapers.
5) She wants to be babied and wants your attention, just like a child learns their bad behavior will get your attention. You need to stop responding to this issue and trying to "fix" it for her (which is not fixing anything anyway)
6) Did you say the caregiver two days a week is all YOU can afford? Are you paying out of pocket for your mother's care? You use mom's money to pay for the care she needs. If the expense exceeds what she can afford, then she applies for Medicaid. Maybe she could get a home caregiver 7 days a week if she needs it. For one hour or so before bedtime, and again first thing in the morning.
7) I think independent living is no longer appropriate for your mother. It is probably time to look at assisted living, or in-home care (paid by medicaid), or a skilled nursing facility.
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