Almost three years ago, my mother was diagnosed with dementia, and for the last two years, I've been her caregiver. My sister, who is and was my mother's POA, refused to help me, visiting mom every two months despite living 15 minutes away. After my husband's leg amputation in August, I cared for both him and my mom, but when I begged my sister for help, I got nothing. Following my mom's arm injury in December, I told my sister I couldn't continue alone. She then placed mom in assisted living, which hurt me deeply, and removed my name from mom's medical and housing information. Now, I'm unaware of mom's health status because the facility won't disclose information to me, and the doctors won't give me info. I found out thru a cousin my mom had surgery a month ago. Given my past struggles with pill addiction, which I've been clean for 13.5 months, and considering I'm listed as a child in mom's will but not allowed to be POA, is there any course of action available to me? My sister won't talk to me.
If you are so concerned as to how your mom is doing in her new home, why don't you just go visit her and see for yourself, as your sister as moms POA doesn't have to tell you a thing.
Time for you to now stay focused on your recovery. Congrats on being clean for 13.5 months.
We are only getting your side of the story, so it's difficult to give appropriate guidance. As long as you are able to still visit your Mom, I would do so, and don't do anything to get you completely banned. Your Mom didn't make you her PoA for a reason. Being in her Will has nothing to do legally with anything regarding her care management while she's alive. I suggest you stop fighting for control with your sister. Just enjoy the time with your Mom that is left with her.
Do you visit your mother, or are you staying away because you're upset? Under your mom's POA, your sister and the medical staff aren't allowed to share the information unless your mother instructs them too.
Does this mean you live in the house that belongs to your mom or that you cannot be filled in on where mom lives?
As POA her duty is to your mom, not you. I hope you continue to be clean and sober. Hopefully not having to care for your mom's needs will help reduce stress.
There are strict rules preventing sharing private information about patients to anyone not listed on the HIPAA form. Your sister, as POA does not have to give you any details. I mean, morally, I think she should keep you informed, just as an interested family member.
I don't understand why you felt hurt that your sister relieved your burden of caregiving when you needed it, by placing mom in a care facility. You told her you couldn't continue alone. Was that your plea for your sister to do caregiving?
You obviously have some frustration that she chose not to provide any hands-on care, while you did. This is SO Common! Almost Every family has one person who steps up to provide care for a parent, for whatever reason, and they resent their siblings who do not. It is not an obligation for any adult child to provide hands on care to their ill or aging parents. If you are able, and you desire to do so, then fine. You can and should. But do not hold your siblings to the same standards and the same obligation. They may not feel capable and they may simply not wish to take on that additional burden in their lives. Your sister did right by placing mom in assisted living.