My sister had a series of strokes in 2019. After a year in facilities she is now at home where a caregiver comes in daily. She cannot get proper care in the tiny town she lives in but that is what she wants. She has had many falls both in the facilities and at home breaking her tail bone and cracking her lumbar vertebrae. She is getting pt once a week and is seeing a therapist, but it's not enough. However, she refuses to leave her home. She has no family nearby. We had a very abusive upbringing and I know that is all triggered with her current vulnerability. She has a tendency to feel safest shut-in. Too much change causes her a lot of anxiety. She is depressed, angry, and does not want any suggestions or help. Nor anti-depressants.
We used to talk weekly and have been very close over the years, but now she apparently has trouble using the phone and fatigues easily. She doesn't really want to talk with anyone. I miss her and worry for her, but am resigned to her decisions. I expect she won't be with me for much longer. I want to have as much quality time with her as possible without further stressing her out.
That being said, I will travel to her soon from another state. I am anxious about the visit both for her and myself. I feel impatient and frustrated with her decisions, but I know that won't help. I want to give her my best when I visit, but also protect myself from her very negative countenance. I would appreciate hearing other peoples experience with stroke victims and how they coped. Thank you
Having a guest might be a bit more than she can handle.
And it will be different to her daily schedule.
I would hold off on the following...
You should____________
Why don't you __________________
Why didn't you________________
Couldn't you_________________
Make the visits daily short if possible.
Ask her what she would like to do or if there is anywhere she would like to go.
Talk about how you can make weekly calls easier for her. Is there a time of day that is best for her? Would a video chat/face time be easier? Would email or text be even easier for her rather than a phone call. That way she can read what was said and have a bit of time to process the conversation before she responds.
People that have had strokes often have to learn how to do things a new or different way than what they're or you are used to, so just be patient with her best you can.
My husband had a massive stroke at the age of 48, and lost his ability to walk, talk, read and write, and was paralyzed on his right side. He did after extensive therapy learn how to walk with a brace on his leg, talk in very short sentences or words, but never regained his ability to read or write other than printing his name. And because he was right handed and it was his right side paralyzed, he had to relearn how to do everything left handed, and with only one hand/arm.
Initially I was wanting to help him with everything, but learned quickly that I was only hurting him, but not allowing him to try and do for himself, as he needed to regain his confidence in doing things himself.
It requires a lot of patience for sure, but in the long run your sister will appreciate that you treat her just like you would have prior to her stroke. Deep down she is still the same sister you grew up with, just like my husband was the same man I married, but they just need time to adjust to their "new normal."
Of course she's depressed and gets angry(so was and did my husband)as her life has been turned upside down, and will never be the same again. I'm hoping she's on some type of antidepressant to help with her depression. Hopefully in time she will adjust and get back to enjoying parts of her life. And you spending time with her, may just help with that process.
And just remember that stroke survivors like to keep to a routine, and don't always do well when their routine is disrupted, so try your best to keep her on her routine while you're there.
I wish you the very best and I hope that you can just enjoy each other when you're together.